7 ms·

I'm from Poland and here people don't smile like they do in USA. Don't even get me started on "How are you?", I always want to reply honestly to that, and I do

by krzyk 8y ago

I'm from Poland and here people don't smile like they do in USA. Don't even get me started on "How are you?", I always want to reply honestly to that, and I don't feel much obligation to reply back (I usually don't care how some stranger feels, why should I?). That's probably the hardest in learning English for me.

mlevental 8y ago
i don't understand this. i have never answered как дела with "i have syphillis and my mother is dying and i'm underwater on my mortgage". https://russian.stackexchange.com/a/604 https://russian.stackexchange.com/a/604 "how are you" serves the exact same purpose - who would argue otherwise.
- GW150914 8y ago
  This kind of greeting is, however, not appropriate to complete strangers and might be considered an inappropriate familiarity. From the top answer in your link. I’m with the gp, it’s grotesque when everyone I come across in America in a supermarket or pharmacy all ask this. Edit: why does this comment minimize?
  - mlevental 8y ago
    you're missing my point: it's a throwaway greeting whenever it is used (between friends in russia or between strangers in the us) so there's nothing "grotesque" about it nor should there be anything confusing about it once you understand the purpose. it's simply a greeting and not actually a question. many times people in america don't actually even answer the question. completely equivalent to здраствуйте or добро пожаловать or whatever.
    - GW150914 8y ago
      Except the gp was specifically talking about strangers, and your link points out that this Russian phrase is overfamiliar for strangers. That is the whole point! From the gp (I usually don't care how some stranger feels, why should I?) It’s a whole other issue if your friend says it, but that isn’t what he was talking about.
      - deanCommie 8y ago
        But it's not overfamiliar because the expectations are different. The way Russians and others justify their discomfort with "How are you" is by complaining that an honest response isn't requested or expected, and giving one is awkward. That is exactly the same situation with "как дела". Though you would only use it with close friends, it is intended as a throwaway comment, not expecting an honest response.
    - everybodyknows 8y ago
      "How are you?" is not at all a throw-away greeting among genuine friends in the US, at least not among those who think about what they're saying.
      - learc83 8y ago
        When used as a greeting, even among friends, no one says how are you expecting any response other than "fine". >at least not among those who think about what they're saying. Words can have different meanings depending on context. "How are you?, or what's up?" can be used as greetings instead of questions. It has nothing to do with "thinking about what your saying".
      - Bjartr 8y ago
        In my experience* the genuine inquiry is vocalized sightly differently from the throw-away getting, but they definitely both exist. You'll get an odd look giving a genuine answer to the greeting and incredulity or even be considered rude if you answer the inquiry dismissively. Interpersonal communication is fraught with opportunities for misunderstanding at the best of times. *I've spent all 29 years of my life in the Northeast USA, for context.
      - mlevental 8y ago
        >at least not among those who think about what they're saying. r/iamverysmart. unless you're on the spectrum it's very easy to distinguish between sincere inquiry and ritualized greeting.
    - pavel_lishin 8y ago
      But it's not equivalent to здравствуйте. I wouldn't say "как дела" when I'm walking into a job interview, or when I'm entering a doctor's office. I would say "good morning", or "hello" - доброе утро, здравствуйте. But in America, it's actually totally acceptable to say "how are you" to your potential future boss or your doctor, and they understand that it's a greeting.
      - mlevental 8y ago
        just like the person i responded to you're not getting the point. among the people that use each greeting they are equivalent. i'm exactly saying outside of formality they serve the same purpose. yes in russia you only use that greeting with familiars and in america it's acceptable to use it with anyone. that's besides what purpose it serves.
- twelve40 8y ago
  "how are you" is not equivalent to "как дела" in this context. You don't get asked "как дела" by every single grocery store clerk.
everybodyknows 8y ago
Understand that a lot of retail employees in the US are under orders to say "How are you?" -- and they're risking a "write-up" if they don't. So, if the employee seems to mean well, I try to smile slightly and say "good".
- ygaf 8y ago
  Which staff specifically? (the cashiers, etc) Although it's bad in all cases.
GordonS 8y ago
I'm from the UK, and I feel exactly the same way, so it's definitely not a non-English language thing - more of a US thing. The inappropriate use and overuse of phrases such as "how are you doin' today?", "y'all have a great day!" etc are things that really get on my nerves when I'm in the US or deal with US customers. Why ask how I am. If you don't care? Why tell me to have a great day if you don't care?! It's just all so infuriatingly fake!
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- Koshkin 8y ago
  It may be "fake," but it's also being nice (i.e polite) to the other person by, if not extending to them an invitation, but at least giving them a chance to start an informal conversation with you, if they want. I find this an extremely civilized form of behavior - something that is not as often found in the rest of the world.
  - zzzcpan 8y ago
    It's not civilized or polite, just an accepted dance to start a conversation. But if you think about it, personal questions from strangers is sort of rude and puts other person into a vulnerable position.
    - akvadrako 8y ago
      It is rudeness, but it's easier to be friendly when you are a bit rude. Politeness makes things more formal.
  - GordonS 8y ago
    > but it's also being nice (i.e polite) Well, I find it inpolite, offensive even, to literally pretend to care about how I am or how my day has been, and to waste my time by needlessly dragging out salutations.
- learc83 8y ago
potatote 8y ago
As an immigrant, that was one of the cultural adjustment that I had to do in the US. In my home country in SE Asia, people usually ask "Have you eaten (have you had a meal)?" as a greeting. It's easier to answer with "No, I haven't." or "Yes, I just had lunch" for example. But when I moved to the states for college, I was perplexed as to how to answer "How're ya?" or "What's up?". :D I learned to answer that question with a standard, "I'm good. Thank you". But even nowadays, I sometimes venture to answer it honestly like, "I'm okay. [insert some really honest reason why I'm just okay]" or "I'm busy, but it's all good". This is just a small example of adjustment that I made as I try to settle in my new home.
- akvadrako 8y ago
  Well I'm a native born American and I always answer it honestly. There is always something up, either at work or with my family or friends. It doesn't hurt to spend 10 words mentioning it.
- Jach 8y ago
  There's a lot of variations so even some natives will share your frustrations, though personally I think the option variety is a nice feature. You can have amusing moments when you've queued up an automatic response and get the wrong trigger. "Gorgeous day huh?" "I'm well, you? Err..." Sometimes just ACK-ing works well if you really don't want to think about it... "What's up?" "Sup." "Howdy?" "Howdy." Regional / cultural greeting patterns can be used though to initiate moving from total stranger to closer stranger more quickly when you reply in certain ways... "Wazzup?" "Wazzzzuuuuup." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3oL7v7PLac https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3oL7v7PLac)
- jacobsenscott 8y ago
  In the US if you ask someone if they've eaten there's a good chance they'll think you're asking them out to dinner.
- niij 8y ago
  > Have you eaten yet This is a greeting in quite a few SE Asian countries that I'm aware of. I've heard of it for Thailand (gin khao mai), Myanmar, and Singapore. I always answered yes/the default answer. But maybe I'll try no next time I visit for free lunch? :)
XJOKOLAT 8y ago
Because that stranger could one day be your brother or sister. Douche. Is what I would have said.
sohailk 8y ago
The "How are you?" question is a way of setting the context of the conversation quickly. Most of the time, everything's okay ("I'm good, what's up with you?"). But sometimes it's not and the "How are you?" question gives you an opportunity to express that it's not: ("Man, I'm feeling pretty crappy right now").
- kbp 8y ago
  I'd say that depends a lot on who you're talking to. I would answer like that to a close friend, but for most people I know I'd never answer more negatively than something like "eh, kinda stressed, but it's ok", and for a complete stranger (like krzyk mentioned) I would only ever say "fine" or a synonym.

by krzyk 8y ago

mlevental 8y ago

i don't understand this. i have never answered как дела with "i have syphillis and my mother is dying and i'm underwater on my mortgage". https://russian.stackexchange.com/a/604 https://russian.stackexchange.com/a/604 "how are you" serves the exact same purpose - who would argue otherwise.

GW150914 8y ago
This kind of greeting is, however, not appropriate to complete strangers and might be considered an inappropriate familiarity. From the top answer in your link. I’m with the gp, it’s grotesque when everyone I come across in America in a supermarket or pharmacy all ask this. Edit: why does this comment minimize?
- mlevental 8y ago
  you're missing my point: it's a throwaway greeting whenever it is used (between friends in russia or between strangers in the us) so there's nothing "grotesque" about it nor should there be anything confusing about it once you understand the purpose. it's simply a greeting and not actually a question. many times people in america don't actually even answer the question. completely equivalent to здраствуйте or добро пожаловать or whatever.
  - GW150914 8y ago
    Except the gp was specifically talking about strangers, and your link points out that this Russian phrase is overfamiliar for strangers. That is the whole point! From the gp (I usually don't care how some stranger feels, why should I?) It’s a whole other issue if your friend says it, but that isn’t what he was talking about.
    - deanCommie 8y ago
      But it's not overfamiliar because the expectations are different. The way Russians and others justify their discomfort with "How are you" is by complaining that an honest response isn't requested or expected, and giving one is awkward. That is exactly the same situation with "как дела". Though you would only use it with close friends, it is intended as a throwaway comment, not expecting an honest response.
  - everybodyknows 8y ago
    "How are you?" is not at all a throw-away greeting among genuine friends in the US, at least not among those who think about what they're saying.
    - learc83 8y ago
      When used as a greeting, even among friends, no one says how are you expecting any response other than "fine". >at least not among those who think about what they're saying. Words can have different meanings depending on context. "How are you?, or what's up?" can be used as greetings instead of questions. It has nothing to do with "thinking about what your saying".
    - Bjartr 8y ago
      In my experience* the genuine inquiry is vocalized sightly differently from the throw-away getting, but they definitely both exist. You'll get an odd look giving a genuine answer to the greeting and incredulity or even be considered rude if you answer the inquiry dismissively. Interpersonal communication is fraught with opportunities for misunderstanding at the best of times. *I've spent all 29 years of my life in the Northeast USA, for context.
    - mlevental 8y ago
      >at least not among those who think about what they're saying. r/iamverysmart. unless you're on the spectrum it's very easy to distinguish between sincere inquiry and ritualized greeting.
  - pavel_lishin 8y ago
    But it's not equivalent to здравствуйте. I wouldn't say "как дела" when I'm walking into a job interview, or when I'm entering a doctor's office. I would say "good morning", or "hello" - доброе утро, здравствуйте. But in America, it's actually totally acceptable to say "how are you" to your potential future boss or your doctor, and they understand that it's a greeting.
    - mlevental 8y ago
      just like the person i responded to you're not getting the point. among the people that use each greeting they are equivalent. i'm exactly saying outside of formality they serve the same purpose. yes in russia you only use that greeting with familiars and in america it's acceptable to use it with anyone. that's besides what purpose it serves.
twelve40 8y ago
"how are you" is not equivalent to "как дела" in this context. You don't get asked "как дела" by every single grocery store clerk.

everybodyknows 8y ago

Understand that a lot of retail employees in the US are under orders to say "How are you?" -- and they're risking a "write-up" if they don't. So, if the employee seems to mean well, I try to smile slightly and say "good".

ygaf 8y ago
Which staff specifically? (the cashiers, etc) Although it's bad in all cases.

GordonS 8y ago

I'm from the UK, and I feel exactly the same way, so it's definitely not a non-English language thing - more of a US thing. The inappropriate use and overuse of phrases such as "how are you doin' today?", "y'all have a great day!" etc are things that really get on my nerves when I'm in the US or deal with US customers. Why ask how I am. If you don't care? Why tell me to have a great day if you don't care?! It's just all so infuriatingly fake!

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
Koshkin 8y ago
It may be "fake," but it's also being nice (i.e polite) to the other person by, if not extending to them an invitation, but at least giving them a chance to start an informal conversation with you, if they want. I find this an extremely civilized form of behavior - something that is not as often found in the rest of the world.
- zzzcpan 8y ago
  It's not civilized or polite, just an accepted dance to start a conversation. But if you think about it, personal questions from strangers is sort of rude and puts other person into a vulnerable position.
  - akvadrako 8y ago
    It is rudeness, but it's easier to be friendly when you are a bit rude. Politeness makes things more formal.
- GordonS 8y ago
  > but it's also being nice (i.e polite) Well, I find it inpolite, offensive even, to literally pretend to care about how I am or how my day has been, and to waste my time by needlessly dragging out salutations.
learc83 8y ago

potatote 8y ago

As an immigrant, that was one of the cultural adjustment that I had to do in the US. In my home country in SE Asia, people usually ask "Have you eaten (have you had a meal)?" as a greeting. It's easier to answer with "No, I haven't." or "Yes, I just had lunch" for example. But when I moved to the states for college, I was perplexed as to how to answer "How're ya?" or "What's up?". :D I learned to answer that question with a standard, "I'm good. Thank you". But even nowadays, I sometimes venture to answer it honestly like, "I'm okay. [insert some really honest reason why I'm just okay]" or "I'm busy, but it's all good". This is just a small example of adjustment that I made as I try to settle in my new home.

akvadrako 8y ago
Well I'm a native born American and I always answer it honestly. There is always something up, either at work or with my family or friends. It doesn't hurt to spend 10 words mentioning it.
Jach 8y ago
There's a lot of variations so even some natives will share your frustrations, though personally I think the option variety is a nice feature. You can have amusing moments when you've queued up an automatic response and get the wrong trigger. "Gorgeous day huh?" "I'm well, you? Err..." Sometimes just ACK-ing works well if you really don't want to think about it... "What's up?" "Sup." "Howdy?" "Howdy." Regional / cultural greeting patterns can be used though to initiate moving from total stranger to closer stranger more quickly when you reply in certain ways... "Wazzup?" "Wazzzzuuuuup." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3oL7v7PLac https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3oL7v7PLac)
jacobsenscott 8y ago
In the US if you ask someone if they've eaten there's a good chance they'll think you're asking them out to dinner.
niij 8y ago
> Have you eaten yet This is a greeting in quite a few SE Asian countries that I'm aware of. I've heard of it for Thailand (gin khao mai), Myanmar, and Singapore. I always answered yes/the default answer. But maybe I'll try no next time I visit for free lunch? :)

XJOKOLAT 8y ago

Because that stranger could one day be your brother or sister. Douche. Is what I would have said.

sohailk 8y ago

The "How are you?" question is a way of setting the context of the conversation quickly. Most of the time, everything's okay ("I'm good, what's up with you?"). But sometimes it's not and the "How are you?" question gives you an opportunity to express that it's not: ("Man, I'm feeling pretty crappy right now").

kbp 8y ago
I'd say that depends a lot on who you're talking to. I would answer like that to a close friend, but for most people I know I'd never answer more negatively than something like "eh, kinda stressed, but it's ok", and for a complete stranger (like krzyk mentioned) I would only ever say "fine" or a synonym.