4 ms·

I have an 8 year old son, and I think I do a pretty good job of being stern / enforcing rules while also ensuring him that he is liked and loved.. There is de

I have an 8 year old son, and I think I do a pretty good job of being stern / enforcing rules while also ensuring him that he is liked and loved.. There is definitely a balance in there, "not being his friend" I think is too far to one side... I just don't let being his friend prevent me from holding him to a certain expectation.

nickserv 8y ago
To me, a friend is an equal, and someone you can count on. My sons are not my equals, and I'm not their friend. This doesn't mean I don't show love or affection, just that I don't expect the same kind of support from them as I do my friends. I also don't order my friends around from time to time ;-) However I hope in the future we be friends, when I don't need to wipe their ass or provide food and shelter.
- colecut 8y ago
  I would agree on the wiping ass part, it's hard to be friends until then.. but I have a 40 year old brother who still barely provides his own food and shelter so good luck with that part =) I think of "friend" as someone you enjoy spending free time with and are willing/open to confiding in
  - nickserv 8y ago
    Thanks for the warning. This is why we made 2 ;-)
- deadmetheny 8y ago
  This is a good sentiment to have. My dad was my dad until I left home for university - he loved us and provided for us but also was the authority and disciplinarian when necessary. Now that I've got my independence and my own household, my relationship with my dad is far more like one of friendship, alongside my trust in him as a mentor or life advisor, if I feel like I need that kind of advice. I feel like it's been integral for my development as a person and value our relationship immensely.
Consultant32452 8y ago
One of the best things you can do for your children is to teach them to behave in such a way that you will like them. Because if you will like them other adults are also likely to like them. When you and other adults like your children it opens up huge opportunities for growth and positive experience both inside the family and out. I don't know exactly how that fits within the definition of being their "friend" exactly. It sounds a little adjacent to friendship to me.

nickserv 8y ago

To me, a friend is an equal, and someone you can count on. My sons are not my equals, and I'm not their friend. This doesn't mean I don't show love or affection, just that I don't expect the same kind of support from them as I do my friends. I also don't order my friends around from time to time ;-) However I hope in the future we be friends, when I don't need to wipe their ass or provide food and shelter.

colecut 8y ago
I would agree on the wiping ass part, it's hard to be friends until then.. but I have a 40 year old brother who still barely provides his own food and shelter so good luck with that part =) I think of "friend" as someone you enjoy spending free time with and are willing/open to confiding in
- nickserv 8y ago
  Thanks for the warning. This is why we made 2 ;-)
deadmetheny 8y ago
This is a good sentiment to have. My dad was my dad until I left home for university - he loved us and provided for us but also was the authority and disciplinarian when necessary. Now that I've got my independence and my own household, my relationship with my dad is far more like one of friendship, alongside my trust in him as a mentor or life advisor, if I feel like I need that kind of advice. I feel like it's been integral for my development as a person and value our relationship immensely.

Consultant32452 8y ago

One of the best things you can do for your children is to teach them to behave in such a way that you will like them. Because if you will like them other adults are also likely to like them. When you and other adults like your children it opens up huge opportunities for growth and positive experience both inside the family and out. I don't know exactly how that fits within the definition of being their "friend" exactly. It sounds a little adjacent to friendship to me.