3 ms·

Ugh. I'm sympathetic to the stresses of your situation and subsequent loss (been through all of it), but it sounds like there are some things you need to make r

Ugh. I'm sympathetic to the stresses of your situation and subsequent loss (been through all of it), but it sounds like there are some things you need to make right with yourself. You explicitly admitted mental health issues to your boss and threatened to kill someone at work. Regardless of context, just think about the implications of that a few times over in your head. Your manager's only fault in this was taking an entire 4 hours to get security involved. Miscarriages happen, even in healthy circumstances. It just does. Pregnancy is a much more precarious process than popular culture makes it out to be, where women just sit around demanding ice chips and pickles at odd hours for nine months. There are still a lot of fatal conditions that can affect mother and/or child at any point in the process, even after birth. The way I coped was by telling myself that if all it took was enough stress while still in the comforts of the womb, our child wasn't ready to survive the rigors of life outside of it. If not my boss, it would have been a random pathogen, allergen or schoolyard bully just the same.

nanoscopic 8y ago
I did not actually threaten anyone. I said that I feel like I want to kill the person. It is not the same... I did not communicate it to the person being talked about. I also in no way stated that I intended to, was planning on doing so etc. It was, agreeably, a stupid admission of how I felt, which can easily be misinterpreted. It is similar to saying "hey I'd like to have sex with that hot actor". Saying that does not mean you will go rape the actor. It is just a feeling. Feelings don't equate to action. I agree action had to be taken; I have no problem with them reacting. My problem is that I had to go to that level to be paid attention to. My stress was absurdly high before this happened, and I communicated it was repeatedly and received no help. When I finally said "I can't take it" I was ignored. I agree it could have potentially happened without the stress. Despite that the stress definitely triggered whatever the cause was immediately. That was very clear. The doctors did though claim there were zero problems 2 days previous. Usually miscarriage does not occur past the first trimester when all other signs are good.
- FireBeyond 8y ago
  > I did not actually threaten anyone. I said that I feel like I want to kill the person. It is not the same... I did not communicate it to the person being talked about. I also in no way stated that I intended to, was planning on doing so etc. It was, agreeably, a stupid admission of how I felt, which can easily be misinterpreted. This is part of the problem. "I feel like I want to kill John" is absolutely, utterly, undeniably a threat. Management knowing/not knowing your relationship with John is irrelevant. Your claim is that "because I didn't say, 'with a gun, at lunch time' it's not a threat" isn't particularly proof to your point. > It is similar to saying "hey I'd like to have sex with that hot actor". Saying that does not mean you will go rape the actor. It is just a feeling. Feelings don't equate to action. Is not particularly equivalent. You changed the meaning from consent to non-consent in defending it - "have sex with" became "rape". If you had said "Hey, I feel like I want to rape that actor", it is not unrealistic to think that, should you have access to that person, that rape is out of the question. Just like you didn't say "Hey, I feel like I want to talk to John" (consensual) versus "I feel like I want to kill John". I think your repeated inability to understand this is perhaps at the root, or a significant part, of the issue, and I say this sincerely. The lack of empathy you show to that situation, 'how ridiculous is it? they should have known I didn't feel like killing him', is troubling.
  - nanoscopic 8y ago
    The entire argument happened in front of the larger team. The manager did not pull me aside to have the heated conversation. Many people witnessed it. I talked to several of them about it afterwards. I asked if they felt that I was being threatening at all. All of them said they understood what I was going through, that it was clear I was extremely stressed and was flipping out. Each of the people I asked said they did not believe I had any intent to kill my coworker, or even that I said it as any sort of threat. In context it was heard as me simply losing control after saying I couldn't handle it and had to leave immediately. Note that this is the only time in my career I ever actually asked to leave because I couldn't handle a situation. I only even asked because I was very worried I would be fired if I walked out on my own. I have walked out when necessary at others jobs and there was no issue, but that is not the way Amazon is. At least it was not that way on my team. Typically if an argument at work appears, I would just continue hashing it out till its done and go back to work. This situation was unusual.

nanoscopic 8y ago

I did not actually threaten anyone. I said that I feel like I want to kill the person. It is not the same... I did not communicate it to the person being talked about. I also in no way stated that I intended to, was planning on doing so etc. It was, agreeably, a stupid admission of how I felt, which can easily be misinterpreted. It is similar to saying "hey I'd like to have sex with that hot actor". Saying that does not mean you will go rape the actor. It is just a feeling. Feelings don't equate to action. I agree action had to be taken; I have no problem with them reacting. My problem is that I had to go to that level to be paid attention to. My stress was absurdly high before this happened, and I communicated it was repeatedly and received no help. When I finally said "I can't take it" I was ignored. I agree it could have potentially happened without the stress. Despite that the stress definitely triggered whatever the cause was immediately. That was very clear. The doctors did though claim there were zero problems 2 days previous. Usually miscarriage does not occur past the first trimester when all other signs are good.

FireBeyond 8y ago
> I did not actually threaten anyone. I said that I feel like I want to kill the person. It is not the same... I did not communicate it to the person being talked about. I also in no way stated that I intended to, was planning on doing so etc. It was, agreeably, a stupid admission of how I felt, which can easily be misinterpreted. This is part of the problem. "I feel like I want to kill John" is absolutely, utterly, undeniably a threat. Management knowing/not knowing your relationship with John is irrelevant. Your claim is that "because I didn't say, 'with a gun, at lunch time' it's not a threat" isn't particularly proof to your point. > It is similar to saying "hey I'd like to have sex with that hot actor". Saying that does not mean you will go rape the actor. It is just a feeling. Feelings don't equate to action. Is not particularly equivalent. You changed the meaning from consent to non-consent in defending it - "have sex with" became "rape". If you had said "Hey, I feel like I want to rape that actor", it is not unrealistic to think that, should you have access to that person, that rape is out of the question. Just like you didn't say "Hey, I feel like I want to talk to John" (consensual) versus "I feel like I want to kill John". I think your repeated inability to understand this is perhaps at the root, or a significant part, of the issue, and I say this sincerely. The lack of empathy you show to that situation, 'how ridiculous is it? they should have known I didn't feel like killing him', is troubling.
- nanoscopic 8y ago
  The entire argument happened in front of the larger team. The manager did not pull me aside to have the heated conversation. Many people witnessed it. I talked to several of them about it afterwards. I asked if they felt that I was being threatening at all. All of them said they understood what I was going through, that it was clear I was extremely stressed and was flipping out. Each of the people I asked said they did not believe I had any intent to kill my coworker, or even that I said it as any sort of threat. In context it was heard as me simply losing control after saying I couldn't handle it and had to leave immediately. Note that this is the only time in my career I ever actually asked to leave because I couldn't handle a situation. I only even asked because I was very worried I would be fired if I walked out on my own. I have walked out when necessary at others jobs and there was no issue, but that is not the way Amazon is. At least it was not that way on my team. Typically if an argument at work appears, I would just continue hashing it out till its done and go back to work. This situation was unusual.