4 ms·

I'll be honest: I prefer it this way. I spent more time than I care to think about in the sort of town where everyone who knew you had known you forever. And p

by Kalium 8y ago

I'll be honest: I prefer it this way. I spent more time than I care to think about in the sort of town where everyone who knew you had known you forever. And probably your family. And probably had opinions about your church. I'm absolutely certain that many of them loved living there, and that plenty of people would. For my own part, I found it stifling. After that, living in a place where my community is something I assemble myself from the people I choose is amazing. I have a sense of belonging. I have a home and a community. It's just not defined by the archaic assumptions around immediate physical proximity. Also, Americans have always been a footloose lot. If anything, we collectively move a lot less now - https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2016/cb16-189.html https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2016/cb16-189... I'm absolutely sure that the narrative of how people are moving now like never before feels true. It carries with it all the right emotions. It just could be more congruent with facts.

Cthulhu_ 8y ago
That's a good counterpoint; I too remember growing up in a (relatively) small town where a lot of people knew each other, and there was a LOT of gossiping and talking about other people - like e.g. when they didn't show up for church (again), they'd get Talked About. I'd rather not get Talked About so staying anonymous is better. Of course, I'm sure my current neighbours Talk About me sometimes, about how I don't really do much besides leave and get home every day.
drukenemo 8y ago
"my community is something I assemble myself". How can someone do that? What kind of community you live in?
- Svoka 8y ago
  I had very similar views when I was student living in dorm. There was a lot of open people who shared my passions of the time and wanted to hang out. Decade later I found myself in situation opposite to that.
- Kalium 8y ago
  The general form goes like this: * Be in new area, knowing few people. * Find things you like that are at least moderately social. * Do said things, both to enjoy them and to meet people. * Having made some friends, either attend or organize events to turn a collection of friends into a social circle. Now you have a nascent community. If it works, it will tend to grow over time. It can take time and be error-prone, but also sometimes you get lucky and stumble into an existing social circle that fits you. It's worked out OK for me in a half-dozen places over the past ten years since college.

by Kalium 8y ago

Cthulhu_ 8y ago

That's a good counterpoint; I too remember growing up in a (relatively) small town where a lot of people knew each other, and there was a LOT of gossiping and talking about other people - like e.g. when they didn't show up for church (again), they'd get Talked About. I'd rather not get Talked About so staying anonymous is better. Of course, I'm sure my current neighbours Talk About me sometimes, about how I don't really do much besides leave and get home every day.

drukenemo 8y ago

"my community is something I assemble myself". How can someone do that? What kind of community you live in?

Svoka 8y ago
I had very similar views when I was student living in dorm. There was a lot of open people who shared my passions of the time and wanted to hang out. Decade later I found myself in situation opposite to that.
Kalium 8y ago
The general form goes like this: * Be in new area, knowing few people. * Find things you like that are at least moderately social. * Do said things, both to enjoy them and to meet people. * Having made some friends, either attend or organize events to turn a collection of friends into a social circle. Now you have a nascent community. If it works, it will tend to grow over time. It can take time and be error-prone, but also sometimes you get lucky and stumble into an existing social circle that fits you. It's worked out OK for me in a half-dozen places over the past ten years since college.