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I'm interested in what really qualifies as "Tiger Parenting", especially over whether my childhood counts as tiger parenting: I don't remember elementary schoo

I'm interested in what really qualifies as "Tiger Parenting", especially over whether my childhood counts as tiger parenting: I don't remember elementary school that much. I remember getting my homework done quick because I could play the N64 or Xbox when my homework was done. Maybe that instilled in me the notion that academics come first. I also remember taking math quizzes and being pretty good at them in elementary school. It was like a game to see if I could be the first one to finish and still get 100%. When I was in middle school and high school I was always aiming for As. Part of it was because I was genuinely interested and motivated to learn. More cynically, if I failed (or was even below average) academically it would be big blow to my sense of self-worth. Also because I desired the status and money that going to a good university would bring. That said, I don't really think my parents ever strictly enforced academic commitment. Sure, I got As, but I also spent a ton of time playing video games, hanging out with friends, etc. I didn't have a bed time - I distinctly remember binging through a whole season of Dexter on a school night once. When my parents found a beer bottle tucked away in a closet (damn friends couldn't clean up for shit) they were more mad that I got caught rather than that my friends and I experimented with alcohol. I'd speculate that if I started getting mostly Bs or Cs they'd probably crack down on recreational time, but this was something that neither I nor my sister ever put to the test. I don't want this to sound self-congratulatory, but I really think in retrospect my childhood was a great outcome. I had academic success because my parents instilled the principles in me at a young age, and by late childhood or young adulthood I was self motivated academically. Thus, in high school I was free to balance school and social life myself any my parents trusted me to get good grades without much input on their part. It's also the kind of childhood I'd want to pass on to my kids. I'd want to instill in them the value of academic and professional success, but want them to be self motivated to achieve those goals beyond early childhood years.

dorchadas 8y ago
This is pretty much exactly my situation, and comparing it to a kid a year younger than me (and his siblings), as well as a few others I know, I'd say it definitely wasn't tiger parenting. I worked to get good grades for myself, not because my parents really pushed me to. They certainly encouraged and helped, but that was it. I was very introverted my first few years of high school (did have online friends through games, and friends in real life, but rarely stayed overnight with them, etc) but my parents pushed me to get out of that even. I didn't do much studying, either (bit me in the ass in college tho because I didn't know how to study well lol), and didn't have a bedtime. Now, my brother wasn't as motivated to do good as I was, even though he could. And my parents didn't push him either. They let him have his friends over every weekend and get Bs and such. I'm really really glad I had that kind of upbringing when comparing it to the other kid who had to have straight As, had over 1000 volunteer hours a year, did Tae Kwan Do and several other extracurriculars (his parents wanted him and siblings to go to Naval Academy;they all did end up going). There were times his life seemed awful, even tho he hung out with friends a lot and had fun... His siblings both had it worse off, and it showed in how they interacted with people (i.e. Grades decided worth, no real social skills, etc etc)
ALittleLight 8y ago
I believe the term "tiger mother" was popularised by Amy Chua's book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" which is a great read for people interested in parenting. It's been a few years since I've read the book, but your upbringing sounds extreme dissimilar from what Chua calls tiger parenting. Where you start to diverge is where you have time for video games once academics are taken care of. In the tiger parent model there are no video games or playtime with friends when academics are done. That is when you do additional academics or learn foreign languages or practice classical music. Getting good grades is not an accomplishment to be rewarded and straight A's don't get you any latitude. These accomplishments are the bare minimum of expected behavior for your child. A gifted child can become a high achiever with a casual approach to academics. With a rigorous approach the idea is that average children become high achievers and gifted children become world class.

dorchadas 8y ago

This is pretty much exactly my situation, and comparing it to a kid a year younger than me (and his siblings), as well as a few others I know, I'd say it definitely wasn't tiger parenting. I worked to get good grades for myself, not because my parents really pushed me to. They certainly encouraged and helped, but that was it. I was very introverted my first few years of high school (did have online friends through games, and friends in real life, but rarely stayed overnight with them, etc) but my parents pushed me to get out of that even. I didn't do much studying, either (bit me in the ass in college tho because I didn't know how to study well lol), and didn't have a bedtime. Now, my brother wasn't as motivated to do good as I was, even though he could. And my parents didn't push him either. They let him have his friends over every weekend and get Bs and such. I'm really really glad I had that kind of upbringing when comparing it to the other kid who had to have straight As, had over 1000 volunteer hours a year, did Tae Kwan Do and several other extracurriculars (his parents wanted him and siblings to go to Naval Academy;they all did end up going). There were times his life seemed awful, even tho he hung out with friends a lot and had fun... His siblings both had it worse off, and it showed in how they interacted with people (i.e. Grades decided worth, no real social skills, etc etc)

ALittleLight 8y ago

I believe the term "tiger mother" was popularised by Amy Chua's book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" which is a great read for people interested in parenting. It's been a few years since I've read the book, but your upbringing sounds extreme dissimilar from what Chua calls tiger parenting. Where you start to diverge is where you have time for video games once academics are taken care of. In the tiger parent model there are no video games or playtime with friends when academics are done. That is when you do additional academics or learn foreign languages or practice classical music. Getting good grades is not an accomplishment to be rewarded and straight A's don't get you any latitude. These accomplishments are the bare minimum of expected behavior for your child. A gifted child can become a high achiever with a casual approach to academics. With a rigorous approach the idea is that average children become high achievers and gifted children become world class.