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> Not clinging on our opinions imply that said opinion is not much important to you. On the contrary, it's more important to be able to reconsider your strong

by ivm 8y ago

> Not clinging on our opinions imply that said opinion is not much important to you. On the contrary, it's more important to be able to reconsider your strong opinions. > It is harder to move away from what you consider right in ethical sense Why marry if your ethics are different? > what is important for your self respect Unless it's an abusive relationship, I can't imagine a situation where the self respect can be involved. Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect". > We are supposed to be emotionally invested in the whole marriage thing. There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation.

watwut 8y ago
> Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect". Is this meant to be demostration or rational kind non-emotional solution to dis agreement? Because on the face of it, you simply tried to insult fictional partner. Sure, partner is less likely to argue if you label his demands this way. It won't actually solve the problem however and over time he will figure out what you are doing. It won't lead to appreciation through, more like resentment and anger. > There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation. You partner will not appreciate if you ignore his negative emotions. Or mock them as above. For one, it is not kind. For the other, he or she will have to look for support elsewhere. You can have illusion of kindness if you mock partner for not being perfect match to you or if you split first time serious real disagreement happen. Or if you never marry because by the time you know everything about partner to be absolutely certain you two agree about everything including situations you have never been through, you two about to retire.
- ivm 8y ago
  I'm not insulting a "fictional partner": I mentioned below that I'm in a ten-year-old relationship without fights and that's how I manage my emotions and solve my inner problems that would lead to a fight in our first years together. The problems you're describing do not arise at all when both partners keep their egos in bay and strive for kindness.
- grasshopperpurp 8y ago
  You can acknowledge the feelings of your partner and yourself without making those feelings the fuel of the argument. In my own experience, acknowledging my partner's feelings makes me immediately calmer, more-grounded, and better able to understand her POV. I imagine it works the same for most people. If you're with someone you trust, you inherently respect his/her POV. For some, this causes disagreements to boil into violent outrages. They feel an attack on that trust. For others, they take a step back and say, 'This is someone I trust with my life. Either he/she or I am missing something somewhere.'

by ivm 8y ago

watwut 8y ago

> Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect". Is this meant to be demostration or rational kind non-emotional solution to dis agreement? Because on the face of it, you simply tried to insult fictional partner. Sure, partner is less likely to argue if you label his demands this way. It won't actually solve the problem however and over time he will figure out what you are doing. It won't lead to appreciation through, more like resentment and anger. > There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation. You partner will not appreciate if you ignore his negative emotions. Or mock them as above. For one, it is not kind. For the other, he or she will have to look for support elsewhere. You can have illusion of kindness if you mock partner for not being perfect match to you or if you split first time serious real disagreement happen. Or if you never marry because by the time you know everything about partner to be absolutely certain you two agree about everything including situations you have never been through, you two about to retire.

ivm 8y ago
I'm not insulting a "fictional partner": I mentioned below that I'm in a ten-year-old relationship without fights and that's how I manage my emotions and solve my inner problems that would lead to a fight in our first years together. The problems you're describing do not arise at all when both partners keep their egos in bay and strive for kindness.
grasshopperpurp 8y ago
You can acknowledge the feelings of your partner and yourself without making those feelings the fuel of the argument. In my own experience, acknowledging my partner's feelings makes me immediately calmer, more-grounded, and better able to understand her POV. I imagine it works the same for most people. If you're with someone you trust, you inherently respect his/her POV. For some, this causes disagreements to boil into violent outrages. They feel an attack on that trust. For others, they take a step back and say, 'This is someone I trust with my life. Either he/she or I am missing something somewhere.'