There'll always be more to that than meets the eye. Processing the death of a loved one is hard enough as it is; add in the fact that they killed themselves and

There'll always be more to that than meets the eye. Processing the death of a loved one is hard enough as it is; add in the fact that they killed themselves and suddenly the grief of that loss becomes incredibly complex. That last moment you spent with them, with no idea of it being the last one, might have been wonderful. How would you reconcile your feeling in that moment with them suddenly cutting their life short? They seemed fine. If only they reached out? Is it my fault for not being there when they needed me? Why!? Anger, grief, sorrow, moments of joy when you look back on what was... Add to that we in the western world are generally not very good at talking about our feelings, wanting to appear strong and holding everything together, not feeling like we will be listened to if we open up, or actually being afraid of being judged or stigmatised for it. Never mind being put on the spot about such a sensitive thing. "He seemed fine," is as good a way as any of hiding the incredible pain and vulnerability you will have, just as giving that appearance of being fine is a great way to hide a terrible internal torment that ultimately makes you take your life, because you don't feel like you can reach out for the support you need. It's highly unlikely that someone, when asked, will go into great detail about how they're actually feeling about that. They have to be given the space to open up if they feel comfortable to do so, in order to get past that protective response. This has been my experience from my own suicide attempts in the past decade. The first time I was exactly like that - hiding everything, 'seeming fine' - because I trusted nobody enough to really open up to them. The second time, I did trust someone, a couple of friends and a therapist, and I kept my heart as open as I possibly could the whole way. This was painful for everybody involved, especially after the second attempt and a very close call with a third, but that pain is nothing in comparison to what it would be if I never reached out and succeeded in the attempt. The point in all of that ramble being, maybe in time we as a society will reach a more compassionate place where it's easier to share these aspects of ourselves if we want to.