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It taught me that people react differently in stressful situations than they say they are going to. Also, when I was growing up, my parents always said "divorc

It taught me that people react differently in stressful situations than they say they are going to. Also, when I was growing up, my parents always said "divorce is wrong; you can always make a marriage work if you try hard enough". Interestingly, they've completely flipped on that opinion now that they've heard how I'm being treated, but I guess I'm still "brainwashed". If I didn't have these irrational moral qualms, I would have ended the marriage by now.

Mandatum 8y ago
Has she visited the Bay Area for more than a week? You might win her over if she likes it enough. If she doesn't and you value working at the offered position in that location more than your relationship (I know, it's hard to think in those terms but be honest with yourself).. The other commenters might be on to something. Moving to the other side of the US is like moving to another country in some aspects. She didn't qualify your original question as realistic, and didn't give you an honest answer. It's understandable - but now you're the one who needs to re-evaluate what you find more important. Best of luck with it, I'm sure in time you'll be happier than you will be in the short term! Just be decisive and don't drag things out one way or another. And remember, grudges are heavier than forgiveness.
ryrobes 8y ago
>> have these irrational moral qualms, I would have ended the marriage by now A twisted version of Stockholm Syndrome, trust me. That nagging feeling that says, "I don't want to rock the boat and be the bad guy", will not move you forward in life. Doing the long-term mental gymnastics of "Things will get better if X happens or Y turns up", is just wasting more time. Edit: Please don't read this as negative. But having been there, and having spent way too long pondering the situation... It breaks my heart to hear of those currently living through it.

Mandatum 8y ago

Has she visited the Bay Area for more than a week? You might win her over if she likes it enough. If she doesn't and you value working at the offered position in that location more than your relationship (I know, it's hard to think in those terms but be honest with yourself).. The other commenters might be on to something. Moving to the other side of the US is like moving to another country in some aspects. She didn't qualify your original question as realistic, and didn't give you an honest answer. It's understandable - but now you're the one who needs to re-evaluate what you find more important. Best of luck with it, I'm sure in time you'll be happier than you will be in the short term! Just be decisive and don't drag things out one way or another. And remember, grudges are heavier than forgiveness.

ryrobes 8y ago

>> have these irrational moral qualms, I would have ended the marriage by now A twisted version of Stockholm Syndrome, trust me. That nagging feeling that says, "I don't want to rock the boat and be the bad guy", will not move you forward in life. Doing the long-term mental gymnastics of "Things will get better if X happens or Y turns up", is just wasting more time. Edit: Please don't read this as negative. But having been there, and having spent way too long pondering the situation... It breaks my heart to hear of those currently living through it.