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Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. It's just perception directed towards yourself, feeling good being alone, etc. but it

by zalew 16y ago

Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. It's just perception directed towards yourself, feeling good being alone, etc. but it does not have to result in bad social relations. It's common among geeks to be introvert just like extraverts occupy f.ex. PR and media, and there's nothing wrong with that. Frankly I don't get what advice are you seeking - you can't force yourself to hang with people you don't like or are not attracted to, do what makes you feel good.

nandemo 16y ago
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I think the title question isn't very good. It's a sort of leading question. Why, of course it's OK to be an introvert. By any reasonable definition a large part of the world's population are introverts, and introversion itself isn't a mental disorder. So most people (especially on HN) will say that's OK to be an introvert, but the more interesting question is how good are your social skills and how they affect your life. I think there are two interpretations for the post: A) I have such and such issues, and maybe I'd be happier if I changed this. I assume there are people who have been in a similar situation, please advice. Examples of this kind of issues: "I have anxiety when speaking in front of a large group of people." "I haven't had a serious relationship for the past year." "I wish I could be more assertive." "I wish I could do better in parties / I wish I had more friends." You probably don't need a therapist to solve these. B) I have such and such issues, do they indicate psychological problems? Should I consult a therapist? Examples: "I have anxiety when talking to people in general/I can't talk to strangers even when it's expected (asking for information, having a job interview, etc)." "I've never had a girlfriend / I have problems talking to women." "I have low self-esteem / I'm not assertive at all and people take advantage of me." "I don't have any friends". For these you'd probably need to see a therapist.
- zalew 16y ago
  > Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I don't agree. Last I checked I match most of the points describing an introvert and I consider myself one. Some of my friends from IT field I know very well also match the description. None of us has problems socializing, partying, meeting people, picking up girls or maintaining relationships. For me, the key points of being an introvert is feeling comfortable being alone with yourself (not to confuse with lonely), living your way and not being very concerned about acceptance of other people (opposed to extravert). None of that means that you have a disability to socialize, you just perceive social relations in a different way, and as long as you are happy with that, there's nothing wrong. As you stated, if one feels that has issues, he should probably change that, but IMO it's not the 'being introvert' part to change, just their social skills maybe need some improvement. Extravert people also can have social problems, that can lead to even stronger issues as they seek acceptance of outside world. For these you'd probably need to see a therapist. Social skills are things you just can learn, as any other skill. Therapy states that sth is wrong, there's nothing wrong in lack of knowledge.
  - nandemo 16y ago
    Hmm, I'm not sure how we disagree. I said that being introverted is not the same thing as being socially unskilled, and you and your friends are examples of this. Still, there is a correlation in the sense that most people with poor social skills are introverts. If you disagree with this then I guess we must have very different definitions of "socially unskilled".
    - zalew 16y ago
      I disagreed that having social issues is related to being an introvert. Maybe I'm not right, just my POV.
  - barrkel 16y ago
    It's a curious thing, but most of the extroverts I've known self-describe as introverts. The thing about introversion is that there's little to no payoff from interacting socially, so lack of social skills tends to be correlated. Without a strong positive feedback loop, the skills don't grow, and over time, atrophy.

by zalew 16y ago

nandemo 16y ago

> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I think the title question isn't very good. It's a sort of leading question. Why, of course it's OK to be an introvert. By any reasonable definition a large part of the world's population are introverts, and introversion itself isn't a mental disorder. So most people (especially on HN) will say that's OK to be an introvert, but the more interesting question is how good are your social skills and how they affect your life. I think there are two interpretations for the post: A) I have such and such issues, and maybe I'd be happier if I changed this. I assume there are people who have been in a similar situation, please advice. Examples of this kind of issues: "I have anxiety when speaking in front of a large group of people." "I haven't had a serious relationship for the past year." "I wish I could be more assertive." "I wish I could do better in parties / I wish I had more friends." You probably don't need a therapist to solve these. B) I have such and such issues, do they indicate psychological problems? Should I consult a therapist? Examples: "I have anxiety when talking to people in general/I can't talk to strangers even when it's expected (asking for information, having a job interview, etc)." "I've never had a girlfriend / I have problems talking to women." "I have low self-esteem / I'm not assertive at all and people take advantage of me." "I don't have any friends". For these you'd probably need to see a therapist.

zalew 16y ago
> Being an introvert has nothing to do with having bad social skills, mate. Well, they aren't the same thing but they're definitely related. I don't agree. Last I checked I match most of the points describing an introvert and I consider myself one. Some of my friends from IT field I know very well also match the description. None of us has problems socializing, partying, meeting people, picking up girls or maintaining relationships. For me, the key points of being an introvert is feeling comfortable being alone with yourself (not to confuse with lonely), living your way and not being very concerned about acceptance of other people (opposed to extravert). None of that means that you have a disability to socialize, you just perceive social relations in a different way, and as long as you are happy with that, there's nothing wrong. As you stated, if one feels that has issues, he should probably change that, but IMO it's not the 'being introvert' part to change, just their social skills maybe need some improvement. Extravert people also can have social problems, that can lead to even stronger issues as they seek acceptance of outside world. For these you'd probably need to see a therapist. Social skills are things you just can learn, as any other skill. Therapy states that sth is wrong, there's nothing wrong in lack of knowledge.
- nandemo 16y ago
  Hmm, I'm not sure how we disagree. I said that being introverted is not the same thing as being socially unskilled, and you and your friends are examples of this. Still, there is a correlation in the sense that most people with poor social skills are introverts. If you disagree with this then I guess we must have very different definitions of "socially unskilled".
  - zalew 16y ago
    I disagreed that having social issues is related to being an introvert. Maybe I'm not right, just my POV.
- barrkel 16y ago
  It's a curious thing, but most of the extroverts I've known self-describe as introverts. The thing about introversion is that there's little to no payoff from interacting socially, so lack of social skills tends to be correlated. Without a strong positive feedback loop, the skills don't grow, and over time, atrophy.