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The higher standard of both partners should apply, and should be held-up by the partner that stays at home. If they don't match there's something wrong. E.g. i

The higher standard of both partners should apply, and should be held-up by the partner that stays at home. If they don't match there's something wrong. E.g. if you want fresh warm food for dinner and your wife just always buys microwave food because she doens't like to cook, then you got the wrong wife (resp. she got the wrong husband). Or if your are a slob and mess up the house, and your wife nags you to clean up after yourself because she cares about having a clean home. Then she got the wrong husband and vice versa.

scotty79 8y ago
My approach is, when you want something done, you have to be ready to do it yourself or stop wanting it. If you want home cooked meal and your wife doesn't cook for her own pleasure they you can ask her to do it for you, if she does, you must thank her, if she refuses, you must accept and respect her decision and either stop wanting home cooked meals or make them yourself. Of same approach should be applied by both spouses. As far as I know that's best recipe for happy, conflict-free life. Expecting someone to do something will lead to disappointment, miscommunication and general decline of relationship.
- jessaustin 8y ago
  Thanks for this! As my own marriage approaches, it is disheartening to see things like GP post. What you have here makes much more sense to me.
- Double_a_92 8y ago
  But then why do I need a wife? To be clear I was talking about 100% stay-at-home wifes. If she's also working 100% at some other job than it's another story. (Then the question is more why 2 people in a household have to work 100%...) Maybe there is some specific thing that she especially dislikes for some reason... Or maybe there is something that only you like, and takes a lot of effort to do... But in general the stay-at-home partner should care (and do sacrifices) for the family. Otherwise that's the point? To have one more mouth to feed at home?
  - jessaustin 8y ago
    If this is the reason you thought you needed a wife, maybe what you need is a housekeeper? Or, perhaps it's time to start using one of those meal delivery services?
    - Double_a_92 8y ago
      In parts at least yes... and children. Which result in love and a family. But if women nowadays refuse to do both those things, that also fails. What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it?
      - scotty79 8y ago
        > What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it? Life-long friend that supports you however she is able to, respects you, accepts you and lies to you so you can feel that you are a better person than you actually are, which altogether helps you with achieving whatever goals you aim to achieve. Personal advice for you. Please wait with marrying someone till "having another mouth to feed" and "rent" is a rounding error on your salary so you can learn to appreciate other things.
        jessaustin 8y ago
        This may be good advice for this particular situation, but it's kind of grim if we generalize. Should only those with corporate-approved existences procreate? Maybe we should ask the corporations... Mature humans can relate to and support each other in a marriage in both easy and difficult situations. There are limits, of course, because humans, but if everyone waited until everything was sorted out to get married there would be like ten marriages a year.
        scotty79 8y ago
        I meant my advice just for Double_a_92. By reading what he wrote I just think he might have trouble finding happiness in life until he outgrows the issue of money. This advice is not meant to be generalized. A lot of people are perfectly capable of appreciating human beings in their life for what they are not for the bottom line they provide or cost and services rendered by them and can lead happy and harmonious life even with strain on resources. I'm just afraid that Double_a_92 is not one of those people, thus my advice.

scotty79 8y ago

My approach is, when you want something done, you have to be ready to do it yourself or stop wanting it. If you want home cooked meal and your wife doesn't cook for her own pleasure they you can ask her to do it for you, if she does, you must thank her, if she refuses, you must accept and respect her decision and either stop wanting home cooked meals or make them yourself. Of same approach should be applied by both spouses. As far as I know that's best recipe for happy, conflict-free life. Expecting someone to do something will lead to disappointment, miscommunication and general decline of relationship.

jessaustin 8y ago
Thanks for this! As my own marriage approaches, it is disheartening to see things like GP post. What you have here makes much more sense to me.
Double_a_92 8y ago
But then why do I need a wife? To be clear I was talking about 100% stay-at-home wifes. If she's also working 100% at some other job than it's another story. (Then the question is more why 2 people in a household have to work 100%...) Maybe there is some specific thing that she especially dislikes for some reason... Or maybe there is something that only you like, and takes a lot of effort to do... But in general the stay-at-home partner should care (and do sacrifices) for the family. Otherwise that's the point? To have one more mouth to feed at home?
- jessaustin 8y ago
  If this is the reason you thought you needed a wife, maybe what you need is a housekeeper? Or, perhaps it's time to start using one of those meal delivery services?
  - Double_a_92 8y ago
    In parts at least yes... and children. Which result in love and a family. But if women nowadays refuse to do both those things, that also fails. What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it?
    - scotty79 8y ago
      > What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it? Life-long friend that supports you however she is able to, respects you, accepts you and lies to you so you can feel that you are a better person than you actually are, which altogether helps you with achieving whatever goals you aim to achieve. Personal advice for you. Please wait with marrying someone till "having another mouth to feed" and "rent" is a rounding error on your salary so you can learn to appreciate other things.
      - jessaustin 8y ago
        This may be good advice for this particular situation, but it's kind of grim if we generalize. Should only those with corporate-approved existences procreate? Maybe we should ask the corporations... Mature humans can relate to and support each other in a marriage in both easy and difficult situations. There are limits, of course, because humans, but if everyone waited until everything was sorted out to get married there would be like ten marriages a year.
        scotty79 8y ago
        I meant my advice just for Double_a_92. By reading what he wrote I just think he might have trouble finding happiness in life until he outgrows the issue of money. This advice is not meant to be generalized. A lot of people are perfectly capable of appreciating human beings in their life for what they are not for the bottom line they provide or cost and services rendered by them and can lead happy and harmonious life even with strain on resources. I'm just afraid that Double_a_92 is not one of those people, thus my advice.