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by nikkwong 8y ago

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DoreenMichele 8y ago
Their health is not improved by having everyone they meet tell them they are unfixable and utterly ruined for life.
- nikkwong 8y ago
  [redacted]
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    I'm well aware some fail to move on. What I am telling you is that the reactions of other people are part of what keeps many people stuck. I successfully moved on. I have helped a short list of others also successfully move on. I'm quite confident I know whereof I speak.
  - graeme 8y ago
    You're replying to a victim of sexual abuse
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  - int_handler 8y ago
    Kindly do yourself a favor and re-read Zeller's last words in its entirety. While yes, his attacker's actions are utterly despicable, and the experience in no doubt has been more traumatizing to him than we could imagine. At the same time, Zeller also goes into great details about how nobody has really been able to support and help him recover from that trauma. On his relationships, he discusses how he was never really able to open up to his significant others about what he was going through: "So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone." On the doctors he has seen: "I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was." On his family: "I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance. If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week." "I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me." And there's plenty more. The vast struggles that Zeller faced and described are not inconsistent with the points that @DoreenMichele is discussing.
  - rosser 8y ago
    I'm going to assume you mean well, but this is unambiguously the wrong way to talk to a survivor about their experience.
pokemongoaway 8y ago
"...that it is impossible to ever build their own identity" Sounds like a pretty poorly prescribed incantation.

[redacted]

DoreenMichele 8y ago

Their health is not improved by having everyone they meet tell them they are unfixable and utterly ruined for life.

nikkwong 8y ago
[redacted]
- DoreenMichele 8y ago
  I'm well aware some fail to move on. What I am telling you is that the reactions of other people are part of what keeps many people stuck. I successfully moved on. I have helped a short list of others also successfully move on. I'm quite confident I know whereof I speak.
- graeme 8y ago
  You're replying to a victim of sexual abuse
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- int_handler 8y ago
  Kindly do yourself a favor and re-read Zeller's last words in its entirety. While yes, his attacker's actions are utterly despicable, and the experience in no doubt has been more traumatizing to him than we could imagine. At the same time, Zeller also goes into great details about how nobody has really been able to support and help him recover from that trauma. On his relationships, he discusses how he was never really able to open up to his significant others about what he was going through: "So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone." On the doctors he has seen: "I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was." On his family: "I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance. If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week." "I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me." And there's plenty more. The vast struggles that Zeller faced and described are not inconsistent with the points that @DoreenMichele is discussing.
- rosser 8y ago
  I'm going to assume you mean well, but this is unambiguously the wrong way to talk to a survivor about their experience.

pokemongoaway 8y ago

"...that it is impossible to ever build their own identity" Sounds like a pretty poorly prescribed incantation.