I'm not going to give advice, because I feel like we think the same. I can very easily imagine being in your situation. It sounds crazy to people who think you

I'm not going to give advice, because I feel like we think the same. I can very easily imagine being in your situation. It sounds crazy to people who think you are considering suicide because paperwork is too difficult. But really its that you are getting stuck, confused, and not able to get control of your life or make an impact where you work. You feel like things that should be easy are blocking you. You would like to be a master at your craft but your worried you will never contribute anything of value. Just realize that these are very common things that many people feel. I had never even heard of "impostor syndrome" before I began programming. And you might not see the path right now, but you are not far from finding a different world where you make it through those obstacles. And in time you may become an expert at whatever field you choose.