5 ms·

If you are a house-wife or -man doing chores related to your home and family is literally your job. How can you argument with "don't want to"?

jessaustin 8y ago
Some people mop the floors every day. Other people don't do that every day. Can we say whose decision is wrong?
- Double_a_92 8y ago
  The higher standard of both partners should apply, and should be held-up by the partner that stays at home. If they don't match there's something wrong. E.g. if you want fresh warm food for dinner and your wife just always buys microwave food because she doens't like to cook, then you got the wrong wife (resp. she got the wrong husband). Or if your are a slob and mess up the house, and your wife nags you to clean up after yourself because she cares about having a clean home. Then she got the wrong husband and vice versa.
  - scotty79 8y ago
    My approach is, when you want something done, you have to be ready to do it yourself or stop wanting it. If you want home cooked meal and your wife doesn't cook for her own pleasure they you can ask her to do it for you, if she does, you must thank her, if she refuses, you must accept and respect her decision and either stop wanting home cooked meals or make them yourself. Of same approach should be applied by both spouses. As far as I know that's best recipe for happy, conflict-free life. Expecting someone to do something will lead to disappointment, miscommunication and general decline of relationship.
    - jessaustin 8y ago
      Thanks for this! As my own marriage approaches, it is disheartening to see things like GP post. What you have here makes much more sense to me.
    - Double_a_92 8y ago
      But then why do I need a wife? To be clear I was talking about 100% stay-at-home wifes. If she's also working 100% at some other job than it's another story. (Then the question is more why 2 people in a household have to work 100%...) Maybe there is some specific thing that she especially dislikes for some reason... Or maybe there is something that only you like, and takes a lot of effort to do... But in general the stay-at-home partner should care (and do sacrifices) for the family. Otherwise that's the point? To have one more mouth to feed at home?
      - jessaustin 8y ago
        If this is the reason you thought you needed a wife, maybe what you need is a housekeeper? Or, perhaps it's time to start using one of those meal delivery services?
        Double_a_92 8y ago
        In parts at least yes... and children. Which result in love and a family. But if women nowadays refuse to do both those things, that also fails. What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it?
        scotty79 8y ago
        > What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it? Life-long friend that supports you however she is able to, respects you, accepts you and lies to you so you can feel that you are a better person than you actually are, which altogether helps you with achieving whatever goals you aim to achieve. Personal advice for you. Please wait with marrying someone till "having another mouth to feed" and "rent" is a rounding error on your salary so you can learn to appreciate other things.
        jessaustin 8y ago
        This may be good advice for this particular situation, but it's kind of grim if we generalize. Should only those with corporate-approved existences procreate? Maybe we should ask the corporations... Mature humans can relate to and support each other in a marriage in both easy and difficult situations. There are limits, of course, because humans, but if everyone waited until everything was sorted out to get married there would be like ten marriages a year.
aethertap 8y ago
There are still choices to be made with finite time. Do you spend extra time helping your son understand his algebra and let the laundry accumulate for a day? Do you spend the time to cook from scratch or spend the extra money to buy prepared food? Economics applies everywhere, including the running of a household and use of time.
scotty79 8y ago
My argument is that as an adult you decide what you want to do. Even if you are hired and you are working for someone when he tells you to do something you can decide you don't want to do it and don't do it. And that's when you have written agreement as what you should be doing at your job. There's no written marriage agreement that says what married woman should do when she has no job.

jessaustin 8y ago

Some people mop the floors every day. Other people don't do that every day. Can we say whose decision is wrong?

Double_a_92 8y ago
The higher standard of both partners should apply, and should be held-up by the partner that stays at home. If they don't match there's something wrong. E.g. if you want fresh warm food for dinner and your wife just always buys microwave food because she doens't like to cook, then you got the wrong wife (resp. she got the wrong husband). Or if your are a slob and mess up the house, and your wife nags you to clean up after yourself because she cares about having a clean home. Then she got the wrong husband and vice versa.
- scotty79 8y ago
  My approach is, when you want something done, you have to be ready to do it yourself or stop wanting it. If you want home cooked meal and your wife doesn't cook for her own pleasure they you can ask her to do it for you, if she does, you must thank her, if she refuses, you must accept and respect her decision and either stop wanting home cooked meals or make them yourself. Of same approach should be applied by both spouses. As far as I know that's best recipe for happy, conflict-free life. Expecting someone to do something will lead to disappointment, miscommunication and general decline of relationship.
  - jessaustin 8y ago
    Thanks for this! As my own marriage approaches, it is disheartening to see things like GP post. What you have here makes much more sense to me.
  - Double_a_92 8y ago
    But then why do I need a wife? To be clear I was talking about 100% stay-at-home wifes. If she's also working 100% at some other job than it's another story. (Then the question is more why 2 people in a household have to work 100%...) Maybe there is some specific thing that she especially dislikes for some reason... Or maybe there is something that only you like, and takes a lot of effort to do... But in general the stay-at-home partner should care (and do sacrifices) for the family. Otherwise that's the point? To have one more mouth to feed at home?
    - jessaustin 8y ago
      If this is the reason you thought you needed a wife, maybe what you need is a housekeeper? Or, perhaps it's time to start using one of those meal delivery services?
      - Double_a_92 8y ago
        In parts at least yes... and children. Which result in love and a family. But if women nowadays refuse to do both those things, that also fails. What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it?
        scotty79 8y ago
        > What is a wife else? Some female room mate, that pays rent with "love" whenever she feels like it? Life-long friend that supports you however she is able to, respects you, accepts you and lies to you so you can feel that you are a better person than you actually are, which altogether helps you with achieving whatever goals you aim to achieve. Personal advice for you. Please wait with marrying someone till "having another mouth to feed" and "rent" is a rounding error on your salary so you can learn to appreciate other things.
        jessaustin 8y ago
        This may be good advice for this particular situation, but it's kind of grim if we generalize. Should only those with corporate-approved existences procreate? Maybe we should ask the corporations... Mature humans can relate to and support each other in a marriage in both easy and difficult situations. There are limits, of course, because humans, but if everyone waited until everything was sorted out to get married there would be like ten marriages a year.

aethertap 8y ago

There are still choices to be made with finite time. Do you spend extra time helping your son understand his algebra and let the laundry accumulate for a day? Do you spend the time to cook from scratch or spend the extra money to buy prepared food? Economics applies everywhere, including the running of a household and use of time.

scotty79 8y ago

My argument is that as an adult you decide what you want to do. Even if you are hired and you are working for someone when he tells you to do something you can decide you don't want to do it and don't do it. And that's when you have written agreement as what you should be doing at your job. There's no written marriage agreement that says what married woman should do when she has no job.