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Without encouraging or condoning this type of behavior, I really wish people had a chance to conduct an exit interview from life. Only after the decision was so

Without encouraging or condoning this type of behavior, I really wish people had a chance to conduct an exit interview from life. Only after the decision was solidified and all other methods of outreach had failed. The data would be remarkable and might save many lives. World: We're sorry to see you go. Please let us know why you are leaving, and what we could to do make this a better place to live in the future. Thank you for giving us a chance to know you.

freedomben 8y ago
I agree. This is actually an unfortunate (but maybe necessary) side effect of the push for "look for the signs." I had a fellow engineer kill himself, and it left a lot of unanswered questions. However, he was very familiar with "the signs" and actively avoided doing things that would have tipped people off. He even pushed code and did some code reviews just hours before he died :-(
DoreenMichele 8y ago
I have attempted suicide. I am frequently suicidal. I don't hesitate to comment on it in forums. I sometimes blog about it. Most people genuinely aren't interested in understanding it. If they understood, they might feel compelled to treat other people better and that isn't on their agenda in most cases, basically.
- some_account 8y ago
  I understand it. It's not like the world is a super happy place and everybody is like 'why would you want to leave this place - it's amazing!'. Everybody has their own experiences. Their life is unique. Telling other people that they should stick around can even be selfish, depending on what they are going through. However. Living life is a skill, and I believe can you get quite satisfactory skill levels by making hard choices and changing your life for the better until it becomes pretty fine. You may even feel happy. Takes hard work though, and it's very hard to find that energy when you are depressed and your brain is telling you that your problems are unsolvable. But they are not. That's the good news I guess. :)
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    No, you clearly don't really understand it. If you did, you should know that telling a suicidal person "chin up, it's fixable!" is the worst thing you can do. Another big sin is offering me encouragement unsolicited as if I need it when I am not even saying that I am currently suicidal. Last, I have a genetic disorder. There is no cure for that. Your assumption that anything is fixable if you just try hard enough is monstrously wrong. The hell of it is, I am getting myself well anyway, for which the entire world would like me to know I am insane, an egomaniac, a teller of tall tales, etc and generally heap abuse on me. But don't let the facts confuse you. Just carry on with doing things that could push someone over the edge if you did this to them while they were actively feeling suicidal.
    - frgtpsswrdlame 8y ago
      You know I could never bring myself to be upset at people with a "chin up, it's fixable!" attitude. It's certainly not the worst thing they could do. And then the above commenter is committing a sin by not reading your mind to know you don't want to be encouraged? Come on. >But don't let the facts confuse you. Just carry on with doing things that could push someone over the edge if you did this to them while they were actively feeling suicidal. It's not the burden of people to never say any thing wrong to a depressed person. It's certainly wrong to place causation at their feet. This is the sort of thing that leads people to blame themselves after a suicide, it's an unhealthy way of thinking about the issue.
      - DoreenMichele 8y ago
        They start by asserting they understood. I am asserting they don't. I'm not currently depressed nor suicidal. But if you think it is on the depressed or suicidal person to meet the social and emotional needs of some random internet stranger who wants to be all encouraging, please do the world a favor and stay very far away from such discussions. Your mental model is the kind of thing that absolutely can push someone over the edge, while you try to find justifications for how it isn't your fault.
    - 8y ago
ikeyany 8y ago
We already know what causes anxiety, depression, and lack of purpose. But reducing those would mean reducing the motivations for what keeps much of the economy functioning. Society depends on the premise that suicide can not and should not be understood.
- selestify 8y ago
  What are the causes? I had been under the impression that they are not fully understood
  - ikeyany 8y ago
    Often times it's when expectations don't align with reality. Disillusionment stems from having been sold an idea that turns out to either be unachievable or a lie. One such example is a middle-aged man who believes being a man means having a family you can provide for and protect, loses his job, and his wife leaves him. Another example is someone who grew up believing that lasting happiness comes from being wealthy and popular, and after throwing all else aside for 30 years realizes that it isn't the case.
    - selestify 8y ago
      So the only way for society to function is to keep the majority chasing after illusions? Seems pretty dystopian. Is there no way to have realistic expectations from life?
      - ikeyany 8y ago
        It's not the only way for society to function, but it's very effective at convincing people to be 'productive', so to speak. Realistic expectations are beneficial to the individual, but there are all kinds of forces that do not have the individual's well-being in mind.

freedomben 8y ago

I agree. This is actually an unfortunate (but maybe necessary) side effect of the push for "look for the signs." I had a fellow engineer kill himself, and it left a lot of unanswered questions. However, he was very familiar with "the signs" and actively avoided doing things that would have tipped people off. He even pushed code and did some code reviews just hours before he died :-(

DoreenMichele 8y ago

I have attempted suicide. I am frequently suicidal. I don't hesitate to comment on it in forums. I sometimes blog about it. Most people genuinely aren't interested in understanding it. If they understood, they might feel compelled to treat other people better and that isn't on their agenda in most cases, basically.

some_account 8y ago
I understand it. It's not like the world is a super happy place and everybody is like 'why would you want to leave this place - it's amazing!'. Everybody has their own experiences. Their life is unique. Telling other people that they should stick around can even be selfish, depending on what they are going through. However. Living life is a skill, and I believe can you get quite satisfactory skill levels by making hard choices and changing your life for the better until it becomes pretty fine. You may even feel happy. Takes hard work though, and it's very hard to find that energy when you are depressed and your brain is telling you that your problems are unsolvable. But they are not. That's the good news I guess. :)
- DoreenMichele 8y ago
  No, you clearly don't really understand it. If you did, you should know that telling a suicidal person "chin up, it's fixable!" is the worst thing you can do. Another big sin is offering me encouragement unsolicited as if I need it when I am not even saying that I am currently suicidal. Last, I have a genetic disorder. There is no cure for that. Your assumption that anything is fixable if you just try hard enough is monstrously wrong. The hell of it is, I am getting myself well anyway, for which the entire world would like me to know I am insane, an egomaniac, a teller of tall tales, etc and generally heap abuse on me. But don't let the facts confuse you. Just carry on with doing things that could push someone over the edge if you did this to them while they were actively feeling suicidal.
  - frgtpsswrdlame 8y ago
    You know I could never bring myself to be upset at people with a "chin up, it's fixable!" attitude. It's certainly not the worst thing they could do. And then the above commenter is committing a sin by not reading your mind to know you don't want to be encouraged? Come on. >But don't let the facts confuse you. Just carry on with doing things that could push someone over the edge if you did this to them while they were actively feeling suicidal. It's not the burden of people to never say any thing wrong to a depressed person. It's certainly wrong to place causation at their feet. This is the sort of thing that leads people to blame themselves after a suicide, it's an unhealthy way of thinking about the issue.
    - DoreenMichele 8y ago
      They start by asserting they understood. I am asserting they don't. I'm not currently depressed nor suicidal. But if you think it is on the depressed or suicidal person to meet the social and emotional needs of some random internet stranger who wants to be all encouraging, please do the world a favor and stay very far away from such discussions. Your mental model is the kind of thing that absolutely can push someone over the edge, while you try to find justifications for how it isn't your fault.
  - 8y ago

ikeyany 8y ago

We already know what causes anxiety, depression, and lack of purpose. But reducing those would mean reducing the motivations for what keeps much of the economy functioning. Society depends on the premise that suicide can not and should not be understood.

selestify 8y ago
What are the causes? I had been under the impression that they are not fully understood
- ikeyany 8y ago
  Often times it's when expectations don't align with reality. Disillusionment stems from having been sold an idea that turns out to either be unachievable or a lie. One such example is a middle-aged man who believes being a man means having a family you can provide for and protect, loses his job, and his wife leaves him. Another example is someone who grew up believing that lasting happiness comes from being wealthy and popular, and after throwing all else aside for 30 years realizes that it isn't the case.
  - selestify 8y ago
    So the only way for society to function is to keep the majority chasing after illusions? Seems pretty dystopian. Is there no way to have realistic expectations from life?
    - ikeyany 8y ago
      It's not the only way for society to function, but it's very effective at convincing people to be 'productive', so to speak. Realistic expectations are beneficial to the individual, but there are all kinds of forces that do not have the individual's well-being in mind.