5 ms·

This is how I've seen it done in very small companies: 1. Greet the new person and ask them what they are doing there? Are they a vendor? client? someone who a

This is how I've seen it done in very small companies: 1. Greet the new person and ask them what they are doing there? Are they a vendor? client? someone who accidentally walked in? Oh, they're a new employee. 2. Ask them if they know what their job is supposed to be. If not, find them a spot to sit down while you ask around. 3. Ask IT to get them a laptop. If they don't have one, send out to get one from best buy. When they ask what type say "good, but not too expensive" 4. Ask them how their day is, if they want coffee 5. Get back to work, forget about them. 6. Go back and realize that no one knows what they are supposed to do. 7. Randomly assign them various tasks. Whatever best practices are must surely be the opposite of this. At large companies I have seen: 1. 12 binders full of details about healthcare, policies, what happens if you pass away and other remote events 2. Orientation that feels like an abstract business school course 3. On day 1, you are asked to do something really simple to get your bearings. 4. Day 2, you are asked to do something really massive because by now you must surely know your way around.

droopybuns 8y ago
highly astute
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
swanson 8y ago
> 12 binders full of details about healthcare, policies, what happens if you pass away and other remote events My biggest pet peeve. Oh, you're a 23 year old college grad? Better take time during your first hour of being in the real world to pick your life insurance policy and memorize what building alarm code to use if you happen to be the only one in the office at 4am on a Sunday (during a holiday weekend).
- lainga 8y ago
  This was an actual exchange during my onboarding at a previous job: "Please provide six contact addresses for the company's emergency notification system." "I don't have six contact addresses." "Just repeat some on the form."
  - drdeadringer 8y ago
    I had to create and then maintain an excel file for this reason. There is no other way I am remembering who witnessed me living somewhere 15 years ago.
Adamantcheese 8y ago
Just don't spend 2 weeks on step 5, because that happened to me at my current job. They completely forgot they even hired me and wondered who that guy was in that cubicle over there.
- projectramo 8y ago
  That was your opportunity to take over. You should have started drawing up strategic vision charts, cheesy motivational posters and started talking to people about getting in touch with their authentic values.
  - iagovar 8y ago
    I have a guy like that in my job. I don't really understand why we hired him.
- mlthoughts2018 8y ago
  You have an actual cubicle? What heaven employer is this?
- dirktheman 8y ago
  I once spent 6 months at a job where they forgot that I still worked there. I was outsourced, but when the project was finished I expected a call that my contract was finished also. Call never came, I kept showing up, outsourcing company kept paying me and the client was apparently very happy with me, even though I didn't do much. I taught myself how to code and GTFOT.
- jordan801 8y ago
  That happened to me. I was hired at a company, left to go to army basic training, came back and they didn't manage me at all for months. Then they gave me a job to do with about two minutes of explanation, forgot about me, then almost fired me 6 months later because I was doing it wrong. No management, no training. But I am still here almost 8 years later.
  - 8y ago
johnmcarthur 8y ago
Assure them that they have to start the earliest possible, even cutting family time. Then keep them waiting for their first full week until they get permission to install a code editor. Notepad is not enough you said?
joshvm 8y ago
How small is very small (given that they have an IT department)? 96% of private companies in the UK are less than 10 people, for example, covering 1/3 of the workforce. 99.9% are < 250 people. The remaining 0.1% (big corps) employ 40% of the working population. 0-9 is small enough that a few of those points are less likely to happen. It's still possible to be ignored, but you're a significant percentage of the workforce and the comapny is throwing money away if you're not productive quickly. Under 10 and you likely report directly to a CEO/CTO, or possibly one person below.
jhallenworld 8y ago
>Ask IT to get them a laptop Hah! It's never ready in time :-) Although one startup I worked for was bought by IBM. We were issued our new (Thinkpad) laptops on takeover day (very organized) and were introduced to this thing called "Lotus Notes". We had all been using Thunderbird so this was quite a shock.
- privacypoller 8y ago
  Generally true - I had a contracting engagement start where they paid me to sit there and "program without a computer" for more than a week while they tried to get one built. My most recent start however was super-refreshing; Brand new computer with all standard developer software, network connections and accounts setup and waiting for me at the start of day 1. The phone that I never use but was required to get took another week to get setup & configured however...
- madengr 8y ago
  The sad thing is that Outlook is better than Notes.
pcmoney 8y ago
Out of undergrad I was recruited by a major defense contractor and selected for a leadership development program. Aside from making me fly various places and do nothing they also made me do nothing at my "home" desk in a secure facility (so no cell phone or playful browsing) by myself. I found a bunch of old math texts and starting reading them and doing practice problems out of sheer boredom. It was then without the stress of juggling other subjects and exams that I realized I actually liked math and just had terrible teachers for most of my education. I went through Calc I,II, III in the first month or two (some was review) and by the time I quit about a year later I had enough momentum and interest to go through differential equations, linear algebra, some analysis, and more advanced matrix methods. It was one of my favorite jobs.
- swerveonem 8y ago
  You passed up a leadership career at a defense contractor to read some books you could have read at home? Sounds like they recognized that this person they hired wasn't all that and decided that rather than fire you and risk a lot of paper work they tucked you away knowing that you would quit eventually, this is often preferable to termination. The odds that your lack of productivity went unnoticed is slim, they noticed. I've been in a similar situation, the appropriate action and the path worthy of leadership would be to self seek out innovations and begin drafting proposals for business process improvements. You might have actually been stealing time. What were your interactions with your direct supervisors like, what would you talk about?
  - pcmoney 8y ago
    Oh it was all fine, just the work wasn’t hard or interesting and there wasn’t that much of it (except for crazy spikes for 2-3 weeks sometimes) I dont feel like I passed on anything significant. I was just really under utilized. I got poached by a startup and they offered to match but I declined. If your great goal is leadership at a DoD shop I would recommend a better goal. Even if you make it up the ladder over 15-35 years the top of that ladder just isn’t that great, or at least it wasn’t for me. I keep in touch with some other people from the program, all have since moved on. I would say this indicates the program didn’t know how to utilize and retain the “talent” it selected for. And sure you can argue we all weren’t that talented, I don’t particularly care, I am very happy with that particular career choice.
theyinwhy 8y ago
(Very) big company onboarding story: On day one, a battle tested project manager talked to me 8 hours straight, telling me every single detail about everything. He even talked during lunch. On day two, he asked me to do something really massive because by now I must surely know me way around.
drdeadringer 8y ago
> Day 2, you are asked to do something really massive because by now you must surely know your way around. At big companies, my experience has been that if you know either where something is or what color something is, you are now the goto expert on that something for the rest of your life.

droopybuns 8y ago

highly astute

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]

swanson 8y ago

> 12 binders full of details about healthcare, policies, what happens if you pass away and other remote events My biggest pet peeve. Oh, you're a 23 year old college grad? Better take time during your first hour of being in the real world to pick your life insurance policy and memorize what building alarm code to use if you happen to be the only one in the office at 4am on a Sunday (during a holiday weekend).

lainga 8y ago
This was an actual exchange during my onboarding at a previous job: "Please provide six contact addresses for the company's emergency notification system." "I don't have six contact addresses." "Just repeat some on the form."
- drdeadringer 8y ago
  I had to create and then maintain an excel file for this reason. There is no other way I am remembering who witnessed me living somewhere 15 years ago.

Adamantcheese 8y ago

Just don't spend 2 weeks on step 5, because that happened to me at my current job. They completely forgot they even hired me and wondered who that guy was in that cubicle over there.

projectramo 8y ago
That was your opportunity to take over. You should have started drawing up strategic vision charts, cheesy motivational posters and started talking to people about getting in touch with their authentic values.
- iagovar 8y ago
  I have a guy like that in my job. I don't really understand why we hired him.
mlthoughts2018 8y ago
You have an actual cubicle? What heaven employer is this?
dirktheman 8y ago
I once spent 6 months at a job where they forgot that I still worked there. I was outsourced, but when the project was finished I expected a call that my contract was finished also. Call never came, I kept showing up, outsourcing company kept paying me and the client was apparently very happy with me, even though I didn't do much. I taught myself how to code and GTFOT.
jordan801 8y ago
That happened to me. I was hired at a company, left to go to army basic training, came back and they didn't manage me at all for months. Then they gave me a job to do with about two minutes of explanation, forgot about me, then almost fired me 6 months later because I was doing it wrong. No management, no training. But I am still here almost 8 years later.
- 8y ago

johnmcarthur 8y ago

Assure them that they have to start the earliest possible, even cutting family time. Then keep them waiting for their first full week until they get permission to install a code editor. Notepad is not enough you said?

joshvm 8y ago

How small is very small (given that they have an IT department)? 96% of private companies in the UK are less than 10 people, for example, covering 1/3 of the workforce. 99.9% are < 250 people. The remaining 0.1% (big corps) employ 40% of the working population. 0-9 is small enough that a few of those points are less likely to happen. It's still possible to be ignored, but you're a significant percentage of the workforce and the comapny is throwing money away if you're not productive quickly. Under 10 and you likely report directly to a CEO/CTO, or possibly one person below.

jhallenworld 8y ago

>Ask IT to get them a laptop Hah! It's never ready in time :-) Although one startup I worked for was bought by IBM. We were issued our new (Thinkpad) laptops on takeover day (very organized) and were introduced to this thing called "Lotus Notes". We had all been using Thunderbird so this was quite a shock.

privacypoller 8y ago
Generally true - I had a contracting engagement start where they paid me to sit there and "program without a computer" for more than a week while they tried to get one built. My most recent start however was super-refreshing; Brand new computer with all standard developer software, network connections and accounts setup and waiting for me at the start of day 1. The phone that I never use but was required to get took another week to get setup & configured however...
madengr 8y ago
The sad thing is that Outlook is better than Notes.

pcmoney 8y ago

Out of undergrad I was recruited by a major defense contractor and selected for a leadership development program. Aside from making me fly various places and do nothing they also made me do nothing at my "home" desk in a secure facility (so no cell phone or playful browsing) by myself. I found a bunch of old math texts and starting reading them and doing practice problems out of sheer boredom. It was then without the stress of juggling other subjects and exams that I realized I actually liked math and just had terrible teachers for most of my education. I went through Calc I,II, III in the first month or two (some was review) and by the time I quit about a year later I had enough momentum and interest to go through differential equations, linear algebra, some analysis, and more advanced matrix methods. It was one of my favorite jobs.

swerveonem 8y ago
You passed up a leadership career at a defense contractor to read some books you could have read at home? Sounds like they recognized that this person they hired wasn't all that and decided that rather than fire you and risk a lot of paper work they tucked you away knowing that you would quit eventually, this is often preferable to termination. The odds that your lack of productivity went unnoticed is slim, they noticed. I've been in a similar situation, the appropriate action and the path worthy of leadership would be to self seek out innovations and begin drafting proposals for business process improvements. You might have actually been stealing time. What were your interactions with your direct supervisors like, what would you talk about?
- pcmoney 8y ago
  Oh it was all fine, just the work wasn’t hard or interesting and there wasn’t that much of it (except for crazy spikes for 2-3 weeks sometimes) I dont feel like I passed on anything significant. I was just really under utilized. I got poached by a startup and they offered to match but I declined. If your great goal is leadership at a DoD shop I would recommend a better goal. Even if you make it up the ladder over 15-35 years the top of that ladder just isn’t that great, or at least it wasn’t for me. I keep in touch with some other people from the program, all have since moved on. I would say this indicates the program didn’t know how to utilize and retain the “talent” it selected for. And sure you can argue we all weren’t that talented, I don’t particularly care, I am very happy with that particular career choice.

theyinwhy 8y ago

(Very) big company onboarding story: On day one, a battle tested project manager talked to me 8 hours straight, telling me every single detail about everything. He even talked during lunch. On day two, he asked me to do something really massive because by now I must surely know me way around.

drdeadringer 8y ago

> Day 2, you are asked to do something really massive because by now you must surely know your way around. At big companies, my experience has been that if you know either where something is or what color something is, you are now the goto expert on that something for the rest of your life.