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My intended meaning is that it leads to a unhealthy community... not that anybody has specific mental health issues.

by xevb3k 8y ago

simonh 8y ago
IMHO a healthy community is one where people can relax a little and post a mildly humorous comment, without it getting picked on and criticized in detail as though it was a serious social transgression and threat to the health of the community, leading to a wasteful thread arguing over a triviality.
- xevb3k 8y ago
  I didn’t think I was “picking” on anybody or making an overtly offensive comment. I’d honestly be interested in knowing why this joke is “ok” and why it wouldn’t be better not to make generic assumptions about someone’s sexuality, marital status, and the interests of their spouse... Yea, possibly doesn’t seem like a big issue to you. But if you’re a member of a minority the message it sends is “we just assume people are heterosexual, married, and wives/women are not interested in this stuff as a default”... If you really think this thread is wasteful arguing over a triviality then it’s probably better not to engage?
  - simonh 8y ago
    It wasn't making any assumptions, because it was a joke. It was clearly a fantasy, not to be taken seriously, and not representative of actual opinions or facts, but instead poking fun at and satirizing such stereotypes. That's why you're getting so many down votes. If someone satirizes a stereotype as being silly or ridiculous, it doesn't make sense to then accuse them of holding or promoting that stereotype.
    - xevb3k 8y ago
      I can’t see anything that suggests this was satire. The explanations given by the original commenter don’t suggest it was meant as satire. And I don’t see anyone else suggesting it as satire. If it really was satire, then that’s interesting, and why I asked for the joke to be explained... To be honest it seems more like it was meant as an honest joke... playing on the stereotype that wives often don’t understand things their husbands do... and that this is normal and this is how normal people are in this community.
seszett 8y ago
I don't really think assuming that one person might be similar to 80% of the rest of the population for the purposes of a joke would lead to a unhealthy community. However, your own comments are definitely making the community worse, by arguing on minor points of an unassuming joke. Especially as you eventually admit to assuming yourself that this might be a joke at the expense of women (I don't think anyone else had thought this). This is the kind of comment that only adds tension within a community.
- xevb3k 8y ago
  Where do you get 80% from? From the stats I can find slightly more than 50% of the population is unmarried. How is the joke not at the expense of women? The commenter even said it drew on the cliche of a wife not being interested in a husbands activity? If it’s not at the expense of women, why not “friend” or “partner” (the commenter rejected both of those).
  - seszett 8y ago
    According to this: https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/ https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/ 80% of men are married by 43 and since the author was a kid in the 70s according to his website, he is most likely more than 43 anyway. The chances of him being married to a woman are closer to 90%. The joke was at the expense of geeks in general, who often find themselves explaining something with excitement to their partner (in this case, most likely a wife - more importantly, this doesn't matter at all) only to receive a disappointingly laconic answer.
  - macinjosh 8y ago
    This is not a joke at the expense of women. Seems like you're looking for chances to jump to that conclusion. In my mind the joke is on the hypothetical husband who obsesses over minute details that almost no one else cares about.

My intended meaning is that it leads to a unhealthy community... not that anybody has specific mental health issues.

by xevb3k 8y ago

My intended meaning is that it leads to a unhealthy community... not that anybody has specific mental health issues.

IMHO a healthy community is one where people can relax a little and post a mildly humorous comment, without it getting picked on and criticized in detail as though it was a serious social transgression and threat to the health of the community, leading to a wasteful thread arguing over a triviality.

xevb3k 8y ago
I didn’t think I was “picking” on anybody or making an overtly offensive comment. I’d honestly be interested in knowing why this joke is “ok” and why it wouldn’t be better not to make generic assumptions about someone’s sexuality, marital status, and the interests of their spouse... Yea, possibly doesn’t seem like a big issue to you. But if you’re a member of a minority the message it sends is “we just assume people are heterosexual, married, and wives/women are not interested in this stuff as a default”... If you really think this thread is wasteful arguing over a triviality then it’s probably better not to engage?
- simonh 8y ago
  It wasn't making any assumptions, because it was a joke. It was clearly a fantasy, not to be taken seriously, and not representative of actual opinions or facts, but instead poking fun at and satirizing such stereotypes. That's why you're getting so many down votes. If someone satirizes a stereotype as being silly or ridiculous, it doesn't make sense to then accuse them of holding or promoting that stereotype.
  - xevb3k 8y ago
    I can’t see anything that suggests this was satire. The explanations given by the original commenter don’t suggest it was meant as satire. And I don’t see anyone else suggesting it as satire. If it really was satire, then that’s interesting, and why I asked for the joke to be explained... To be honest it seems more like it was meant as an honest joke... playing on the stereotype that wives often don’t understand things their husbands do... and that this is normal and this is how normal people are in this community.

seszett 8y ago

I don't really think assuming that one person might be similar to 80% of the rest of the population for the purposes of a joke would lead to a unhealthy community. However, your own comments are definitely making the community worse, by arguing on minor points of an unassuming joke. Especially as you eventually admit to assuming yourself that this might be a joke at the expense of women (I don't think anyone else had thought this). This is the kind of comment that only adds tension within a community.

xevb3k 8y ago
Where do you get 80% from? From the stats I can find slightly more than 50% of the population is unmarried. How is the joke not at the expense of women? The commenter even said it drew on the cliche of a wife not being interested in a husbands activity? If it’s not at the expense of women, why not “friend” or “partner” (the commenter rejected both of those).
- seszett 8y ago
  According to this: https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/ https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/ 80% of men are married by 43 and since the author was a kid in the 70s according to his website, he is most likely more than 43 anyway. The chances of him being married to a woman are closer to 90%. The joke was at the expense of geeks in general, who often find themselves explaining something with excitement to their partner (in this case, most likely a wife - more importantly, this doesn't matter at all) only to receive a disappointingly laconic answer.
- macinjosh 8y ago
  This is not a joke at the expense of women. Seems like you're looking for chances to jump to that conclusion. In my mind the joke is on the hypothetical husband who obsesses over minute details that almost no one else cares about.