"We know you're all very upset about our new keyboards that break and require a $700 repair if they get a grain of sand in them, so today we're announcing that

"We know you're all very upset about our new keyboards that break and require a $700 repair if they get a grain of sand in them, so today we're announcing that the new OS is named after a desert. We're Apple! We hate you, and you're going to keep buying it regardless."