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I do need to mix up the verbiage more. In practical terms, people respond much better to having their egos stroked than they do to being told they're wrong. Ev
by Kalium 8y ago
I do need to mix up the verbiage more.
In practical terms, people respond much better to having their egos stroked than they do to being told they're wrong. Evidence and logic work much better when someone doesn't feel like their ego is at stake. Telling someone they're right before pointing out that they could be more right is one way to do this. Telling people that they're wrong is more likely to provoke a defensive reaction and a closed mind than it is genuine thoughtfulness and consideration. We've all seen people refuse logic, reason, and evidence because they feel personally attacked, I suspect.
This is a lesson I gleaned from the (in)famous "How To Make Friends And Influence People". It's not wrong, it's just cynical.
So of course it's insincere. Human interaction is greased with little insincerities. It's how we deal with egos.
- vinceguidry 8y agoYou're not supposed to acknowledge insincerity. You're supposed to make up another reason that merges the sincere and the insincere viewpoint together.
- Kalium 8y agoYup. But the Dale Carnegie stuff is exhausting. I'm sincere in that I want people to listen to my points without getting their egos in the way.
- workinthehead 8y agoListen to my points. Me, me, me. What are you doing about _your_ ego (which seems quite large and is definitely getting in the way)?
- workinthehead 8y agoThe only place this works the way you think it does is in your mind. Any normal person is going to see that and register it as goofy and ingratiating. Like Spock or some alien that thinks it's cracked the human code when really it's nowhere even near the uncanny valley.
- Kalium 8y agoI understand why you think that. This may surprise you, but I really wish my experience agreed with you. I really wish most people saw immediately through insincerity and ego-stroking and empty complements. Indeed, some do. Most of the time, it's disturbingly effective. My data to date suggests that most people won't look too closely when you feed them kind words to hide the others.