7 ms·

>This is all I ever wanted. And why the fuck am I so unfucking unhappy? It - It doesn’t make any sense. You know what I mean? Because, like, this is literally m

>This is all I ever wanted. And why the fuck am I so unfucking unhappy? It - It doesn’t make any sense. You know what I mean? Because, like, this is literally my fucking dream. And I’m fucking so unfucking happy. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. It’s so stupid. It is so stupid. I think that most people who judge themselves by their accomplishments will run into this at some point. You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there. Philanthropy seems like it might help. It can feel fundamentally impossible to be happy or content, when you mix a demanding always-on schedule with the very human desire to always be looking for more. But we also live in a world where many people never even have the opportunity to pursue happiness, and what about their hopes and dreams? It is vicariously rewarding to see someone else learn how to do something and get excited by their newfound talent. And every hour of your time that you donate is an hour that you don't have to spend under the pressures of your audience or your thoughts.

GreeniFi 8y ago
I’m a moderately successful entrepreneur in a field with strong philanthropic kudos. We’ve won some big prizes recognizing our contribution. I get absolutely zero pleasure from this work and recognition and a lot of stress. The biggest pleasures came from the birth of my children and spending time with my wife, parents and friends. My work pays for my family and friend time; end of. And the less time I spend at work the happier I am. This is an incentive towards efficiency. Maybe the one thing I like about work is when I can interact with other people from all walks of life. Probably because it feels a bit like friend-time.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- lallysingh 8y ago
  Yes, this. People are most important. It's amazing how hard a lesson that is.
- TaylorAlexander 8y ago
  I couldn’t say I share your success, but I too feel like I make myself miserable trying to help the world. I design open source robots I hope will be useful for people all over the world and I operate a discussion site to try to get developers and fabricators together. It does feel like I’m using my skills to have the most impact, but it’s fucking exhausting. I’m on the edge of burn out at all times.
  - GreeniFi 8y ago
    When I feel like that, which I do at times, I remind myself of what General de Gaulle once said, “the graveyards are full of indispensable men”.
OnlyRepliesToBS 8y ago
Let's talk about the individual's failure more instead of the systemic pattern.
ImSkeptical 8y ago
I'm reminded of the saying "When you reach the top of the mountain the only zen you'll find the is the zen you brought with you." Or, alternatively the koan "If you meet the Buddha, kill him." The idea is enlightenment comes from within. That's true for life satisfaction as well. The concept known as the "Hedonic treadmill"[1] ensures you return to your baseline happiness. If you want enduring life improvements you need to change that baseline happiness within yourself and not your external circumstances. 1 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
Hermel 8y ago
> I think that most people who judge themselves by their accomplishments will run into this at some point. The key is not to feel good about the accomplishments themselves, but about getting there. If getting there does not make you happy, then it might be the wrong accomplishment you are after. More generally, this is about systems being preferable over goals.
Torwald 8y ago
Maybe part of the problem is a wrong diagnosis. Maybe they don't feel that unhappy. They just have a wrong expectation on how it would feel like, when they finally would be happy for the first time in their lives.
- extralego 8y ago
  Happiness goes so much deeper than conscious expectations, and the feelings are dependent on these deeper functions that are rarely executed.
dqv 8y ago
What she said resonates with millennials in general. A lot of our parents worked dissatisfying jobs to give us a (relatively) comfortable lifestyle. They instilled this ideal of not choosing a dissatisfying job and instead finding our dream job. They also pushed the idea of going to college as guaranteeing a job. It is a little shocking finding out that well, no, I can be unhappy even working in my dream job. I am not always going to be comfortable. There are going to be things that I have to face that don't coincide with the reality of my childhood. It's okay though. You're going to be unhappy and uncomfortable. I don't think it would be normal to be happy all the time. There are people who have it harder and who make it through. Some things have a universal comfort - I think a lot of times with my generation that a universal comfort is nostalgia. For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature. I think philanthropy should come naturally... I get a sense (especially here) that people are "outrage philanthropic" where they get overwhelmed by the state of society rather than focusing with a smaller more profound contribution. Even charity organizations sometimes seem disconnected. I think there are a lot of spontaneous, mundane things that can be done that help people and it doesn't have to be all about appearances or some preconceived notion of philanthropy.
- tluyben2 8y ago
  The problem with goals is that you need to structure them like a food shmup (like Nemesis on the MSX); you progress just enough towards the goals to be satisfied and happy but you generally do not make it entirely. I set my goals so I need to become 1000 years old to reach them and then make stepping stones towards it as subgoals which are all very doable and those I make do give me happiness and satisfaction while I will never make the big goal (but who knows!!!). > For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature. For me that has been the most important part and the reason I cannot live in cities anymore; whenever stuck or stressed, I hike up a mountain or through a forest. It solves everything; it is exercise but it also shows that my stressors do no matter in any scheme of things. If I am stuck in some code issue, I will not be after I am done walking.
- cageface 8y ago
  I think the concept of the hedonic treadmill explains this pretty well: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill We have a strong tendency to revert to our internal happiness set point, in the face of success or failure. So the trick is to learn to change that set point, which mostly doesn’t depend on things outside ourselves.
narrator 8y ago
I always dreamed that the thing I'd do when my ship came in would be Angel Investing. It's all the fun of being a startup founder without all the annoying parts of doing the grind. You also get smart interesting people who want your investment being nice to you all day and you get to hear about interesting new technology. You also possibly get to help talented people make their dreams come true and change the world. It's never ending novelty. It's the kind of thing you can do for years and never get bored of it. As long as you win every once and a while, it can go on forever.
- danieltillett 8y ago
  As some who has started to dabble in angel investing over the last few years it is enjoyable, but at the same time frustrating as you meet so many great people working on garbage ideas or vice versa.
lutorm 8y ago
You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there. This applies very generally to human nature, people think that there's some magic thing that if only they get that, things will be awesome. In reality, you will very quickly normalize that away. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
- cup-of-tea 8y ago
  Indeed. We expand to fill our means very quickly. Often this is physically observable, such as when moving to a bigger place. An 18 year old with a clapped out Renault Clio is happier about that than Mr Jones is about his Jaguar. We lose the ability to be happy with things that once made us happy. What I've realised is that we only sense change. A positive change is good, a negative change is really bad, and staying constant is nothing at all. Just like in physics. Constant is constant no matter the absolute level. My personal goal is to regularly introduce small positive changes in my life, avoid big changes, and resist expanding to fill my means so that (hopefully) I won't have to endure negative change. It's working pretty well so far. My outgoings are a fraction of some of my friends and yet I'm just as, if not more, happy with what I have.
bjterry 8y ago
The hedonic treadmill is very real. If you are trying to get to happiness via achievement you will either fail to achieve the things you want, or you will realize after achieving them that they haven't made you happier. I've achieved things in my life. I didn't have any major failures until I was in my mid-20s. But no matter what achievements I had (or failures), the changes to my happiness were always temporary. I pulled on that intellectual thread and learned that this is exactly what you would expect based on the research. Achieving your goals only achieves short-term happiness, and if you base your happiness on that, eventually you are going to reach a goal that stops your happiness dead. You have to find the things that make you happy, and none of them have a long-term impact. They are the things you can do to maintain a consistent level of happiness, if you put in the consistent work. For me, the biggest impact on my happiness is regular meditation and regular exercise. Research also supports gratitude journaling and philanthropy. Simple. But NOTHING has a long-term impact. To reiterate, the things that work are the things that give you a little boost of happiness every day, and if you find the right ones you can get to a level that is good for you through constant maintenance. This doesn't mean achieving your goals is unimportant. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a dogged persistence when it comes to achieving goals. But I don't expect them to make me happy. The key is to recognize that your goals reflect your values, the things you believe are important whether or not you expect them to make you happy. Purchase your happiness separate from your goals, it's much cheaper that way.
- vertexFarm 8y ago
  Wow. The separation of one's life goals from the pursuit of happiness seems incredibly stoic, yet necessary. Thank you for sharing this.
- MisterOctober 8y ago
  Well stated. I think there's also a key difference between happiness, which my parents' generation [boomerish] constantly cites as a kind of fixed life goal, and contentedness, which I consider as a state of being more or less able to tolerate your own existence. The word "happy" is related to luck and chance -- like 'happenstance' -- and used to mean something like "fortunate." [see 'Hamlet' - "We are happy in that we are not overhappy... on Fortune's cap we are not the very button..."] Whereas lately, it's come to indicate an emotional state somewhere in the vicinity of joy. Even so, the word's earlier use points up something key about high emotional states : they are fleeting and fickle, just like the strumpet Fortune. For my part, I think that if I'd heard more about contentedness as a goal in my formative years, and less about happiness , the hedonic treadmill would have been much easier to avoid -- or, at least, consciously manage.
hyperpallium 8y ago
> You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there. The chase was better than the kill. So why not just chase? Because the chase anticipated the kill. Now what? Elon Musk is an interesting case.
manigandham 8y ago
Happiness is a state of mind. What's actually necessary is a sense of purpose. That's why people in vastly differing situations can both be happy, because it's a subjective function of how much meaning you have in your life. Having a purpose lets you battle through depressing lows and accomplish great deeds and still remain fulfilled. Otherwise it's just a chase for the next big thing, and while that can be fun for a bit, it also leaves you empty and lost.
rebase 8y ago
If you haven't watched this, it will change your life. Even if you have, it's one of the few youtube videos that is worth a re-watch. The book is just as good if not better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo Spoiler: It is a former CS professor at Carnegie Mellon named Randy Pausch. He had terminal pancreatic cancer. This is a dying professor's last lecture. It is a father sharing life lessons for his kids when they are older to watch. Some relevant quotes: - “As you get older, you may find that 'enabling the dreams of others' thing is even more fun.” - “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” - “The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. ” - “Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.” - “People are more important than things.”
- fapjacks 8y ago
  I love this lecture. He dispenses a number of classic stoic principles.
- therein 8y ago
  I remember watching this 10 years ago as a 14 year old and getting really emotional. And here I am again...
- sireat 8y ago
  The video and book were a great example of playing the hand right BUT for me the conclusion was a rather grim Ecclesiastical one. Stoicism seems to me 'making the best of bad situation' still we are doomed and doomed soon. What difference is there between stoicism and fatalism? Offside: If you are a conscripted soldier in 1940 Soviet army, ordered to march against a machine gun nest in Finland where do you get your solace? The Finnish soldiers were amazed(and developed PSTD) how consigned to their fate the advancing Soviet soldiers were despite wave and wave of them being gunned down. Same goes for a situation like in Boethius Consolation of Philosophy and The Last Lecture. They are screwed and you can delude yourself into thinking things are great. http://gunshowcomic.com/648 http://gunshowcomic.com/648
Kiro 8y ago
Yeah, I've always dreamt of being an entrepreneur. It's all I've cared about. Now I've created that successful company, made headlines, did the big exit and... I feel like killing myself. It's game over.
grosjona 8y ago
I think that the problem with wealth is that it attracts the worst kinds of people into your life. When you're middle class or poor and not influential, the people around you are a relatively normal sample of the human population and they have a balance of positive and negative qualities but they're mostly genuine individuals. As you become wealthier or more influential, new people come along who are increasingly greedy, selfish and scheming. Then this becomes your new reality and that's why you feel unhappy. Your social connections are often entertaining and outwardly pleasing but on a deeper level they're mostly unfulfilling.
devxpy 8y ago
Related video (by exurb1a) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psaCM1j9LEM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psaCM1j9LEM
sametmax 8y ago
That's a lot a fucks given.
kszxgz 8y ago
This sentiment seems to be strongly related to the 'paradox of hedonism'. In short: Pursuing happiness itself may not lead to happiness. Pursuit of something other (greater?) than happiness may in fact result in higher levels of happiness. "Unfortunately for the hedonist, constant pleasure-seeking may not yield the most actual pleasure or happiness in the long run—or even in the short run, when consciously pursuing pleasure interferes with experiencing it." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism John Stuart Mill: "Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so."

GreeniFi 8y ago

I’m a moderately successful entrepreneur in a field with strong philanthropic kudos. We’ve won some big prizes recognizing our contribution. I get absolutely zero pleasure from this work and recognition and a lot of stress. The biggest pleasures came from the birth of my children and spending time with my wife, parents and friends. My work pays for my family and friend time; end of. And the less time I spend at work the happier I am. This is an incentive towards efficiency. Maybe the one thing I like about work is when I can interact with other people from all walks of life. Probably because it feels a bit like friend-time.

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
lallysingh 8y ago
Yes, this. People are most important. It's amazing how hard a lesson that is.
TaylorAlexander 8y ago
I couldn’t say I share your success, but I too feel like I make myself miserable trying to help the world. I design open source robots I hope will be useful for people all over the world and I operate a discussion site to try to get developers and fabricators together. It does feel like I’m using my skills to have the most impact, but it’s fucking exhausting. I’m on the edge of burn out at all times.
- GreeniFi 8y ago
  When I feel like that, which I do at times, I remind myself of what General de Gaulle once said, “the graveyards are full of indispensable men”.

OnlyRepliesToBS 8y ago

Let's talk about the individual's failure more instead of the systemic pattern.

ImSkeptical 8y ago

I'm reminded of the saying "When you reach the top of the mountain the only zen you'll find the is the zen you brought with you." Or, alternatively the koan "If you meet the Buddha, kill him." The idea is enlightenment comes from within. That's true for life satisfaction as well. The concept known as the "Hedonic treadmill"[1] ensures you return to your baseline happiness. If you want enduring life improvements you need to change that baseline happiness within yourself and not your external circumstances. 1 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

Hermel 8y ago

> I think that most people who judge themselves by their accomplishments will run into this at some point. The key is not to feel good about the accomplishments themselves, but about getting there. If getting there does not make you happy, then it might be the wrong accomplishment you are after. More generally, this is about systems being preferable over goals.

Torwald 8y ago

Maybe part of the problem is a wrong diagnosis. Maybe they don't feel that unhappy. They just have a wrong expectation on how it would feel like, when they finally would be happy for the first time in their lives.

extralego 8y ago
Happiness goes so much deeper than conscious expectations, and the feelings are dependent on these deeper functions that are rarely executed.

dqv 8y ago

What she said resonates with millennials in general. A lot of our parents worked dissatisfying jobs to give us a (relatively) comfortable lifestyle. They instilled this ideal of not choosing a dissatisfying job and instead finding our dream job. They also pushed the idea of going to college as guaranteeing a job. It is a little shocking finding out that well, no, I can be unhappy even working in my dream job. I am not always going to be comfortable. There are going to be things that I have to face that don't coincide with the reality of my childhood. It's okay though. You're going to be unhappy and uncomfortable. I don't think it would be normal to be happy all the time. There are people who have it harder and who make it through. Some things have a universal comfort - I think a lot of times with my generation that a universal comfort is nostalgia. For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature. I think philanthropy should come naturally... I get a sense (especially here) that people are "outrage philanthropic" where they get overwhelmed by the state of society rather than focusing with a smaller more profound contribution. Even charity organizations sometimes seem disconnected. I think there are a lot of spontaneous, mundane things that can be done that help people and it doesn't have to be all about appearances or some preconceived notion of philanthropy.

tluyben2 8y ago
The problem with goals is that you need to structure them like a food shmup (like Nemesis on the MSX); you progress just enough towards the goals to be satisfied and happy but you generally do not make it entirely. I set my goals so I need to become 1000 years old to reach them and then make stepping stones towards it as subgoals which are all very doable and those I make do give me happiness and satisfaction while I will never make the big goal (but who knows!!!). > For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature. For me that has been the most important part and the reason I cannot live in cities anymore; whenever stuck or stressed, I hike up a mountain or through a forest. It solves everything; it is exercise but it also shows that my stressors do no matter in any scheme of things. If I am stuck in some code issue, I will not be after I am done walking.
cageface 8y ago
I think the concept of the hedonic treadmill explains this pretty well: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill We have a strong tendency to revert to our internal happiness set point, in the face of success or failure. So the trick is to learn to change that set point, which mostly doesn’t depend on things outside ourselves.

narrator 8y ago

I always dreamed that the thing I'd do when my ship came in would be Angel Investing. It's all the fun of being a startup founder without all the annoying parts of doing the grind. You also get smart interesting people who want your investment being nice to you all day and you get to hear about interesting new technology. You also possibly get to help talented people make their dreams come true and change the world. It's never ending novelty. It's the kind of thing you can do for years and never get bored of it. As long as you win every once and a while, it can go on forever.

danieltillett 8y ago
As some who has started to dabble in angel investing over the last few years it is enjoyable, but at the same time frustrating as you meet so many great people working on garbage ideas or vice versa.

lutorm 8y ago

You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there. This applies very generally to human nature, people think that there's some magic thing that if only they get that, things will be awesome. In reality, you will very quickly normalize that away. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

cup-of-tea 8y ago
Indeed. We expand to fill our means very quickly. Often this is physically observable, such as when moving to a bigger place. An 18 year old with a clapped out Renault Clio is happier about that than Mr Jones is about his Jaguar. We lose the ability to be happy with things that once made us happy. What I've realised is that we only sense change. A positive change is good, a negative change is really bad, and staying constant is nothing at all. Just like in physics. Constant is constant no matter the absolute level. My personal goal is to regularly introduce small positive changes in my life, avoid big changes, and resist expanding to fill my means so that (hopefully) I won't have to endure negative change. It's working pretty well so far. My outgoings are a fraction of some of my friends and yet I'm just as, if not more, happy with what I have.

bjterry 8y ago

The hedonic treadmill is very real. If you are trying to get to happiness via achievement you will either fail to achieve the things you want, or you will realize after achieving them that they haven't made you happier. I've achieved things in my life. I didn't have any major failures until I was in my mid-20s. But no matter what achievements I had (or failures), the changes to my happiness were always temporary. I pulled on that intellectual thread and learned that this is exactly what you would expect based on the research. Achieving your goals only achieves short-term happiness, and if you base your happiness on that, eventually you are going to reach a goal that stops your happiness dead. You have to find the things that make you happy, and none of them have a long-term impact. They are the things you can do to maintain a consistent level of happiness, if you put in the consistent work. For me, the biggest impact on my happiness is regular meditation and regular exercise. Research also supports gratitude journaling and philanthropy. Simple. But NOTHING has a long-term impact. To reiterate, the things that work are the things that give you a little boost of happiness every day, and if you find the right ones you can get to a level that is good for you through constant maintenance. This doesn't mean achieving your goals is unimportant. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a dogged persistence when it comes to achieving goals. But I don't expect them to make me happy. The key is to recognize that your goals reflect your values, the things you believe are important whether or not you expect them to make you happy. Purchase your happiness separate from your goals, it's much cheaper that way.

vertexFarm 8y ago
Wow. The separation of one's life goals from the pursuit of happiness seems incredibly stoic, yet necessary. Thank you for sharing this.
MisterOctober 8y ago
Well stated. I think there's also a key difference between happiness, which my parents' generation [boomerish] constantly cites as a kind of fixed life goal, and contentedness, which I consider as a state of being more or less able to tolerate your own existence. The word "happy" is related to luck and chance -- like 'happenstance' -- and used to mean something like "fortunate." [see 'Hamlet' - "We are happy in that we are not overhappy... on Fortune's cap we are not the very button..."] Whereas lately, it's come to indicate an emotional state somewhere in the vicinity of joy. Even so, the word's earlier use points up something key about high emotional states : they are fleeting and fickle, just like the strumpet Fortune. For my part, I think that if I'd heard more about contentedness as a goal in my formative years, and less about happiness , the hedonic treadmill would have been much easier to avoid -- or, at least, consciously manage.

hyperpallium 8y ago

> You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there. The chase was better than the kill. So why not just chase? Because the chase anticipated the kill. Now what? Elon Musk is an interesting case.

manigandham 8y ago

Happiness is a state of mind. What's actually necessary is a sense of purpose. That's why people in vastly differing situations can both be happy, because it's a subjective function of how much meaning you have in your life. Having a purpose lets you battle through depressing lows and accomplish great deeds and still remain fulfilled. Otherwise it's just a chase for the next big thing, and while that can be fun for a bit, it also leaves you empty and lost.

rebase 8y ago

If you haven't watched this, it will change your life. Even if you have, it's one of the few youtube videos that is worth a re-watch. The book is just as good if not better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo Spoiler: It is a former CS professor at Carnegie Mellon named Randy Pausch. He had terminal pancreatic cancer. This is a dying professor's last lecture. It is a father sharing life lessons for his kids when they are older to watch. Some relevant quotes: - “As you get older, you may find that 'enabling the dreams of others' thing is even more fun.” - “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” - “The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. ” - “Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.” - “People are more important than things.”

fapjacks 8y ago
I love this lecture. He dispenses a number of classic stoic principles.
therein 8y ago
I remember watching this 10 years ago as a 14 year old and getting really emotional. And here I am again...
sireat 8y ago
The video and book were a great example of playing the hand right BUT for me the conclusion was a rather grim Ecclesiastical one. Stoicism seems to me 'making the best of bad situation' still we are doomed and doomed soon. What difference is there between stoicism and fatalism? Offside: If you are a conscripted soldier in 1940 Soviet army, ordered to march against a machine gun nest in Finland where do you get your solace? The Finnish soldiers were amazed(and developed PSTD) how consigned to their fate the advancing Soviet soldiers were despite wave and wave of them being gunned down. Same goes for a situation like in Boethius Consolation of Philosophy and The Last Lecture. They are screwed and you can delude yourself into thinking things are great. http://gunshowcomic.com/648 http://gunshowcomic.com/648

Kiro 8y ago

Yeah, I've always dreamt of being an entrepreneur. It's all I've cared about. Now I've created that successful company, made headlines, did the big exit and... I feel like killing myself. It's game over.

grosjona 8y ago

I think that the problem with wealth is that it attracts the worst kinds of people into your life. When you're middle class or poor and not influential, the people around you are a relatively normal sample of the human population and they have a balance of positive and negative qualities but they're mostly genuine individuals. As you become wealthier or more influential, new people come along who are increasingly greedy, selfish and scheming. Then this becomes your new reality and that's why you feel unhappy. Your social connections are often entertaining and outwardly pleasing but on a deeper level they're mostly unfulfilling.

devxpy 8y ago

Related video (by exurb1a) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psaCM1j9LEM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psaCM1j9LEM

sametmax 8y ago

That's a lot a fucks given.

kszxgz 8y ago

This sentiment seems to be strongly related to the 'paradox of hedonism'. In short: Pursuing happiness itself may not lead to happiness. Pursuit of something other (greater?) than happiness may in fact result in higher levels of happiness. "Unfortunately for the hedonist, constant pleasure-seeking may not yield the most actual pleasure or happiness in the long run—or even in the short run, when consciously pursuing pleasure interferes with experiencing it." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism John Stuart Mill: "Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so."