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I am not as extroverted, so working remote has actually made me less proactive about going out. I'm not much into athletic activities, or meeting up with strang

by ccajas 8y ago

I am not as extroverted, so working remote has actually made me less proactive about going out. I'm not much into athletic activities, or meeting up with strangers, and I find solo activities/hobbies more interesting most of the time. To be honest I think it's done a number on my social skills. Ever since I worked remotely I have not been able to do well on interviews as I used to. When I started out my career, it took me 3 months to get my first job as a programmer. Now, I've been interviewing for 3 years and counting. Seems like I sound kinda "off" with all the people I've interviewed with since in the few times I have gotten feedback, they say I sound nervous. 3 years of interviewing practice (I consider every real interview to also count as "practice") has not made much progress it seems. I haven't put much effort in meeting new people. The only people I talk to today are my close relatives and two of my closest friends. And no partner to lean on socially. In fact I have never had a serious relationship in my 36 years of living. Would you consider this par on course for an introvert working remotely, or am I taking social reclusion too far?

goodroot 8y ago
I would not consider myself an extrovert. I am much more inclined to introversion. But as @mattnewport said in response to me... > Similar to what some others mentioned, I'm more of an introvert so I find remote work makes me more social if anything as I don't "use up" my social energy being in an office and can instead use it more selectively on interactions that I get more value from. I think this is key. Offices used to make me feel exhausted. I recall coming home from work and plummeting into a "crash nap" for an hour so that I could salvage my evenings. I worked hard to build my life so that I can move at a much slower pace and take things in a flow that works well for me. But to your question: is what you are describing par for the course for an introvert working remotely, or are you taking social reclusion too far... There seems to be two things afoot: * You have been interviewing for a long while without success. * You feel lonely and, in a way, depreciating, because of your confined way of being. As for interviewing... I would agree that actual interviews _are_ practice - the best kind! But I am curious as to the other type of practice that you are doing. Are you working with other people to help you or are you studying textbooks like 'Cracking the Coding Interview'? We all feel a bit weird about recruiters, but there are services that will help you polish your people skills. As for reclusiveness... It sounds like you might be taking it to an extreme. There are studies that pop-up on HN often about the benefits of social contact towards well-being and longevity. There is also intuitive proof; we feel much better when we have social validation. The inverse is depressing. I empathize. It sounds like you are having a tough time. I would challenge a limiting belief like introversion. That is not a good reason for making yourself suffer alone. It might be time to write a narrative for yourself where you _are_ into athletic activities, meeting up with strangers, and being open to healthy and fruitful relationships. When you take care of yourself it will shine through in all that you do.

by ccajas 8y ago

goodroot 8y ago

I would not consider myself an extrovert. I am much more inclined to introversion. But as @mattnewport said in response to me... > Similar to what some others mentioned, I'm more of an introvert so I find remote work makes me more social if anything as I don't "use up" my social energy being in an office and can instead use it more selectively on interactions that I get more value from. I think this is key. Offices used to make me feel exhausted. I recall coming home from work and plummeting into a "crash nap" for an hour so that I could salvage my evenings. I worked hard to build my life so that I can move at a much slower pace and take things in a flow that works well for me. But to your question: is what you are describing par for the course for an introvert working remotely, or are you taking social reclusion too far... There seems to be two things afoot: * You have been interviewing for a long while without success. * You feel lonely and, in a way, depreciating, because of your confined way of being. As for interviewing... I would agree that actual interviews _are_ practice - the best kind! But I am curious as to the other type of practice that you are doing. Are you working with other people to help you or are you studying textbooks like 'Cracking the Coding Interview'? We all feel a bit weird about recruiters, but there are services that will help you polish your people skills. As for reclusiveness... It sounds like you might be taking it to an extreme. There are studies that pop-up on HN often about the benefits of social contact towards well-being and longevity. There is also intuitive proof; we feel much better when we have social validation. The inverse is depressing. I empathize. It sounds like you are having a tough time. I would challenge a limiting belief like introversion. That is not a good reason for making yourself suffer alone. It might be time to write a narrative for yourself where you _are_ into athletic activities, meeting up with strangers, and being open to healthy and fruitful relationships. When you take care of yourself it will shine through in all that you do.