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"It finally clicked for me when someone described how we are seemingly capable of providing compassion/validation/understanding/kindness to and/or seeking them
by laythea 8y ago
"It finally clicked for me when someone described how we are seemingly capable of providing compassion/validation/understanding/kindness to and/or seeking them from others. However, we were really bad at giving ourselves those same things."
This is so true. But I do wonder whether this is because when we apply it for others, because it is "distant" to ourselves, we afford a certain amount more "slack". Maybe.
- bladegash 8y agoThat's probably part of it. I think the other part of it is our "inner voice" needs training and practice at it. Having two young children of my own, I can see how upbringing and the way parents punish/praise their children plays a role in this. This is just my opinion and not based on any specific research, but think about how a parent typically curbs a perceived negative behavior. Ex. A child is eating dinner while standing up instead of sitting down. A parent will ask the child to sit down and possibly levy a consequence if they do not do it. Now think about all the other times the child ate at the dinner table and sat down (99% of the time). How many times was the child praised for sitting at the table as they were expected to? Similar examples can be found in how negative/positive reinforcement is implemented within the K-12 education system. The point being, we are likely trained from an early age to focus on criticizing our negative behavior(s) instead of reinforcing our positive ones.