3 ms·

I grew up poor, but I was able to move away to San Francisco and get good jobs in tech, and ultimately became successful, and by some standards here, even “rich

I grew up poor, but I was able to move away to San Francisco and get good jobs in tech, and ultimately became successful, and by some standards here, even “rich”. But you know what? The relationships with friends and family I left behind definitely suffered. I now feel distant from everyone, and unfortunately some of my best memories are still from old times when I lived close to these people. I have very few friends here in the city, most my interactions day to day are simple and transactional. I wouldn’t blame anyone for staying behind in their town. I’ve always figured I could move back when money was no problem anymore, but I don’t think that day will come soon, and sooner or later I’ll have to decide where I want to plant roots and start a family, and I doubt any woman here will want to go back to my old town after living in SF. Don’t know what to do really, just hanging on.

wutbrodo 8y ago
I'm sorry to hear that; I was in a somewhat similar position for different reasons some time ago. The bright side is: because of the large number of transplants, this is probably one of the easiest places to make friends. It's not a skill that's particularly natural, since most people are used to having a community instead of having to build one from scratch, but it's pretty vital in an increasingly socially-atomized world. I don't want to be bossy, but I really really really recommend investing actual time in it. I can tell you from experience: it's just not healthy to not have a social group around you. I moved to San Francisco with a handful of friends, but I had a facsimile of your problem due to some unrecognized health issues that made my social life wither away, along with some bad luck with the timing of people moving away. I had to start from scratch to build a friend group here, but it turns out there are tons of people doing the same thing, and it couldn't be easier. Even if you just go to social Meetups to meet people, it can be very easy to get a good group around you just by repeatedly putting yourself out there. It does take work: there were times when i felt lazy but would force myself to go to some random outing to foster a friendship with someone who I got along with, or saw movies that I wasn't all that crazy about, but it really paid off in spades. The closest friends from the group I've built up over the last three or four years from nothing are basically like family to me at this point, and the feeling is mutual. They're the kind of friends whose house I can drop by on a weeknight more or less randomly (assuming they're not out), and just hang out until everyone falls asleep/I go home. Even if you decide that this is not where you want to put roots down, having a more casual group of solid friends is really valuable, at the very least so you have people you can depend on.

wutbrodo 8y ago

I'm sorry to hear that; I was in a somewhat similar position for different reasons some time ago. The bright side is: because of the large number of transplants, this is probably one of the easiest places to make friends. It's not a skill that's particularly natural, since most people are used to having a community instead of having to build one from scratch, but it's pretty vital in an increasingly socially-atomized world. I don't want to be bossy, but I really really really recommend investing actual time in it. I can tell you from experience: it's just not healthy to not have a social group around you. I moved to San Francisco with a handful of friends, but I had a facsimile of your problem due to some unrecognized health issues that made my social life wither away, along with some bad luck with the timing of people moving away. I had to start from scratch to build a friend group here, but it turns out there are tons of people doing the same thing, and it couldn't be easier. Even if you just go to social Meetups to meet people, it can be very easy to get a good group around you just by repeatedly putting yourself out there. It does take work: there were times when i felt lazy but would force myself to go to some random outing to foster a friendship with someone who I got along with, or saw movies that I wasn't all that crazy about, but it really paid off in spades. The closest friends from the group I've built up over the last three or four years from nothing are basically like family to me at this point, and the feeling is mutual. They're the kind of friends whose house I can drop by on a weeknight more or less randomly (assuming they're not out), and just hang out until everyone falls asleep/I go home. Even if you decide that this is not where you want to put roots down, having a more casual group of solid friends is really valuable, at the very least so you have people you can depend on.