5 ms·

When your project is finished, the dream is dead and the reality is born. The death of a dream is like the death of a friend. It's probably been with you for

When your project is finished, the dream is dead and the reality is born. The death of a dream is like the death of a friend. It's probably been with you for a long time -- longer even than the length of the project. A dream is the manifestation of what's possible. When it is over, the possible diminishes very quickly and you are left with what actually is. Will people respond well to your project -- in the dream stage it is possible; everything is possible. In the reality stage, it will only be what it is. So while it's common to think of a release as a birth of something new, realise that you also have a significant loss. You will mourn that loss. Give yourself some emotional space to deal with the mourning.

riantogo 8y ago
This is exactly it. Tens of my personal projects have died in this stage. It was always much easier to move on to the next dream. There is always the next big problem that could use a solution. Why not build when it is what we do best? Rinse, repeat. I took a break from side projects for several years but recently got back to it and couple weeks back finished building. It is the same story all over again. Same feeling. I'm dreading what comes next.
- mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
  I’ve felt this so many times and kinda feeling it right now as I’m nearing launch of a side project. I think at least for me a big part of the feeling is fear - fear of the project falling flat on its face even though I validated the idea before I even started and got a lot of interest and positive feedback. As they say, money talks. If nobody is buying my stuff then all that praise and interest was bullshit - just people trying not to hurt your feelings. This is the stage where I’m about to find the truth - I either built something in demand or it was all for nothing. Also, now that I think about it, even if the project is a mild success, there comes a whole set of other boring things I’ll have to worry about like support and constant growth. There is a lack of excitement when all I’ll be doing is making modifications to something that was fun to build at first.
- msandford 8y ago
  I think this is why it's super useful to have a cofounder for a side project: there's someone to let down (besides yourself) when you give up too soon. This is also why funding (and employees) helps a lot of startups. Not so much the money itself, but an ever growing consortium of people who literally have a vested interest in the thing continuing. It's harder to give up when people are counting on you. If your side project isn't the kind where you want to make money in the end then you're going to need to have higher intrinsic motivation I suspect as none of these pressures will likely come to bear and help you stay motivated.
- danschumann 8y ago
  My solution for this was not to "look forward to the next big project", as my thinking was, but instead I looked back on my life, what were some of my best memories related to work. (there are online courses to illicit this answer, I went through Simon Sineks 'Start With Why', though you might know it anyway). So, I picked my best memories, and they were animation related. I knew that when it came to the 'switch horses' temptation, I would be able to say, "every project gets to this stage, so why would I switch to my 2nd favorite thing, because surely that would be even harder at this phase. Sure this phase is hard, but doing my favorite thing means this is the easiest version of this phase". It's kept me going.
funfunfunction 8y ago
> in the dream stage it is possible; everything is possible. In the reality stage, it will only be what it is. Best comment I've read all week.
- agucho 8y ago
  Yes, but... not b/c the dream stage includes the possibility of succeeding. It's all the other possible outcomes that make it richer and preferable to the reality stage, where one and only one thing will be. Even if that thing IS success. This is the unknown vs certainty, the unfortunate and mind-bending nature of desire. The reason https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_on_a_winter%27s_night_a_traveler https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_on_a_winter%27s_night_a_tra... is so great. And the reason I'm not doing what I should be doing... :(
rajacombinator 8y ago
Nice/interesting comment although “death of a friend” seems a bit harsh. (Although in some cases it may be worse than the death of a friend!) Not sure if this is what OP is experiencing or just some 90/10 etc rule about the last parts being the hardest parts. Starting a greenfield project you can make massive progress quickly. Polishing it is slow.
- arionhardison 8y ago
  That is not harsh art all. If you have ever really poured everything you have into something for hours and hours a day and months on end only to be rejectd over and over again. "Death of a friend" is totally accurate IMO. Day and night you spend your time nurturing and growing this thing in hopes of it becoming more... When/If your project fails - TBH - its more like the death of a child.
  - phonebucket 8y ago
    "When/If your project fails - TBH - its more like the death of a child." Thankfully, I have neither suffered from the loss of a child nor a failed major project. However I would expect someone making a statement like this to have suffered from both, in which case you have my sincerest condolences.
wheels 8y ago
It's interesting -- I wholeheartedly agree with the phenomenon, but I'd frame it completely differently. There's a scary cliff there, but I feel like launching is when a project first becomes real. It's the actual start. It's when you're judged. It's usually when you learn that your assumptions were completely wrong. It means you have to start dealing with actual problems, not imagined problems. That's usually less fun, but I think it is more exciting (in large part because it's the dive into the unknown).
ai_ia 8y ago
Being in the same stage as the OP, I highly second this comment. I have been working on something for last 19 months. It is nearly complete, but still finding it difficult to wrap up somehow. Your comment has given me some insight and some closure. Thanks a lot !
- baptistelebail 8y ago
  Exactly the same here. Almost two years, it's near completion and more than what I imagined at first, but that last mile, damn it's hard. I constantly find another thing to add or focus on to avoid that final step. I hope you'll find the strengh to do so :)
  - mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
    I think it was an indyhackers story I’ve read where someone said “just get it out there ASAP”. Don’t let imperfections keep you from learning the hard truth about your baby.
    - RaceWon 8y ago
      That's also on one of the YC founder's blog (PG?), and really it makes a lot of sense. Let the market suggest the 2.0 version. It sucks to fail, but hey; most people do not have the inherent desire to even play. That means something in and of itself. Good luck.
  - ai_ia 8y ago
    And you too ! :)
TheOtherHobbes 8y ago
Good comment. Post-completion depression is a recognised syndrome in the arts. One psychological explanation is that constant pressure to complete maintains a core state of focus and emotional arousal. When the pressure disappears so does the arousal, and sometimes a sense of purpose and direction disappears with it. You knew what you were doing and why you needed to get up in the morning, and then you don’t any more. It’s a bit like losing a job. It’s also temporary. A good prosaic but effective antidote is a vacation and/or a change of scene. If that’s not practical just after shipping - it often isn’t - at least clear a couple of weeks later, book a break, and take at least a weekend off to do something fun in the short term.
reacweb 8y ago
Very insightful and it matches very well my experience where it is easier for me to complete a task when I have also other tasks in progress.
kchr 8y ago
This. I think the issue of "separation anxiety" can be applied here... Same thing with handing over pet projects to someone else, and losing control over it.
m-p-3 8y ago
I guess it's kinda like when one of your kids grow up enough to fly by themselves. You're proud of them, but you're also sad to see them go.
drdeadringer 8y ago
> the dream is dead and the reality is born I could not say this better myself. "The Dream Is Dead, Long Live The Reality". So very true upon many things.
petecooper 8y ago
I've been back here to re-read this comment 10+ times today, it's really resonated with me. Thank you.
infamousEB 8y ago
All this may be true, but just understand that when you finish one phase of a project, another one begins. So now, comes the part where you have to promote and get word out about that project (software, whatever it happens to be) before it becomes a success. The work is not actually over, just the 'creation' aspect. And, if someone is addicted to merely creating rather than helping the creation thrive and survive, they will perpetually be stuck with a house (or computer) full of half finished projects.
arbitragy 8y ago
Well said.

riantogo 8y ago

This is exactly it. Tens of my personal projects have died in this stage. It was always much easier to move on to the next dream. There is always the next big problem that could use a solution. Why not build when it is what we do best? Rinse, repeat. I took a break from side projects for several years but recently got back to it and couple weeks back finished building. It is the same story all over again. Same feeling. I'm dreading what comes next.

mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
I’ve felt this so many times and kinda feeling it right now as I’m nearing launch of a side project. I think at least for me a big part of the feeling is fear - fear of the project falling flat on its face even though I validated the idea before I even started and got a lot of interest and positive feedback. As they say, money talks. If nobody is buying my stuff then all that praise and interest was bullshit - just people trying not to hurt your feelings. This is the stage where I’m about to find the truth - I either built something in demand or it was all for nothing. Also, now that I think about it, even if the project is a mild success, there comes a whole set of other boring things I’ll have to worry about like support and constant growth. There is a lack of excitement when all I’ll be doing is making modifications to something that was fun to build at first.
msandford 8y ago
I think this is why it's super useful to have a cofounder for a side project: there's someone to let down (besides yourself) when you give up too soon. This is also why funding (and employees) helps a lot of startups. Not so much the money itself, but an ever growing consortium of people who literally have a vested interest in the thing continuing. It's harder to give up when people are counting on you. If your side project isn't the kind where you want to make money in the end then you're going to need to have higher intrinsic motivation I suspect as none of these pressures will likely come to bear and help you stay motivated.
danschumann 8y ago
My solution for this was not to "look forward to the next big project", as my thinking was, but instead I looked back on my life, what were some of my best memories related to work. (there are online courses to illicit this answer, I went through Simon Sineks 'Start With Why', though you might know it anyway). So, I picked my best memories, and they were animation related. I knew that when it came to the 'switch horses' temptation, I would be able to say, "every project gets to this stage, so why would I switch to my 2nd favorite thing, because surely that would be even harder at this phase. Sure this phase is hard, but doing my favorite thing means this is the easiest version of this phase". It's kept me going.

funfunfunction 8y ago

> in the dream stage it is possible; everything is possible. In the reality stage, it will only be what it is. Best comment I've read all week.

agucho 8y ago
Yes, but... not b/c the dream stage includes the possibility of succeeding. It's all the other possible outcomes that make it richer and preferable to the reality stage, where one and only one thing will be. Even if that thing IS success. This is the unknown vs certainty, the unfortunate and mind-bending nature of desire. The reason https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_on_a_winter%27s_night_a_traveler https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_on_a_winter%27s_night_a_tra... is so great. And the reason I'm not doing what I should be doing... :(

rajacombinator 8y ago

Nice/interesting comment although “death of a friend” seems a bit harsh. (Although in some cases it may be worse than the death of a friend!) Not sure if this is what OP is experiencing or just some 90/10 etc rule about the last parts being the hardest parts. Starting a greenfield project you can make massive progress quickly. Polishing it is slow.

arionhardison 8y ago
That is not harsh art all. If you have ever really poured everything you have into something for hours and hours a day and months on end only to be rejectd over and over again. "Death of a friend" is totally accurate IMO. Day and night you spend your time nurturing and growing this thing in hopes of it becoming more... When/If your project fails - TBH - its more like the death of a child.
- phonebucket 8y ago
  "When/If your project fails - TBH - its more like the death of a child." Thankfully, I have neither suffered from the loss of a child nor a failed major project. However I would expect someone making a statement like this to have suffered from both, in which case you have my sincerest condolences.

wheels 8y ago

It's interesting -- I wholeheartedly agree with the phenomenon, but I'd frame it completely differently. There's a scary cliff there, but I feel like launching is when a project first becomes real. It's the actual start. It's when you're judged. It's usually when you learn that your assumptions were completely wrong. It means you have to start dealing with actual problems, not imagined problems. That's usually less fun, but I think it is more exciting (in large part because it's the dive into the unknown).

ai_ia 8y ago

Being in the same stage as the OP, I highly second this comment. I have been working on something for last 19 months. It is nearly complete, but still finding it difficult to wrap up somehow. Your comment has given me some insight and some closure. Thanks a lot !

baptistelebail 8y ago
Exactly the same here. Almost two years, it's near completion and more than what I imagined at first, but that last mile, damn it's hard. I constantly find another thing to add or focus on to avoid that final step. I hope you'll find the strengh to do so :)
- mrhappyunhappy 8y ago
  I think it was an indyhackers story I’ve read where someone said “just get it out there ASAP”. Don’t let imperfections keep you from learning the hard truth about your baby.
  - RaceWon 8y ago
    That's also on one of the YC founder's blog (PG?), and really it makes a lot of sense. Let the market suggest the 2.0 version. It sucks to fail, but hey; most people do not have the inherent desire to even play. That means something in and of itself. Good luck.
- ai_ia 8y ago
  And you too ! :)

TheOtherHobbes 8y ago

Good comment. Post-completion depression is a recognised syndrome in the arts. One psychological explanation is that constant pressure to complete maintains a core state of focus and emotional arousal. When the pressure disappears so does the arousal, and sometimes a sense of purpose and direction disappears with it. You knew what you were doing and why you needed to get up in the morning, and then you don’t any more. It’s a bit like losing a job. It’s also temporary. A good prosaic but effective antidote is a vacation and/or a change of scene. If that’s not practical just after shipping - it often isn’t - at least clear a couple of weeks later, book a break, and take at least a weekend off to do something fun in the short term.

reacweb 8y ago

Very insightful and it matches very well my experience where it is easier for me to complete a task when I have also other tasks in progress.

kchr 8y ago

This. I think the issue of "separation anxiety" can be applied here... Same thing with handing over pet projects to someone else, and losing control over it.

m-p-3 8y ago

I guess it's kinda like when one of your kids grow up enough to fly by themselves. You're proud of them, but you're also sad to see them go.

drdeadringer 8y ago

> the dream is dead and the reality is born I could not say this better myself. "The Dream Is Dead, Long Live The Reality". So very true upon many things.

petecooper 8y ago

I've been back here to re-read this comment 10+ times today, it's really resonated with me. Thank you.

infamousEB 8y ago

All this may be true, but just understand that when you finish one phase of a project, another one begins. So now, comes the part where you have to promote and get word out about that project (software, whatever it happens to be) before it becomes a success. The work is not actually over, just the 'creation' aspect. And, if someone is addicted to merely creating rather than helping the creation thrive and survive, they will perpetually be stuck with a house (or computer) full of half finished projects.

arbitragy 8y ago

Well said.