It doesn't help that your third sentence starts with "I've completely botched this attempt at communication, so I'm going to go completely off topic for the res

It doesn't help that your third sentence starts with "I've completely botched this attempt at communication, so I'm going to go completely off topic for the rest of this comment" which somehow translates into "why can't people understand what I wrote?" You've come across a great way to start a conversation with 'dang though. The mods here really don't like comments like this, trust me. I've been on your side often enough. I would tone it down.