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That is certainly a valid way of looking at it. I have a different perspective, though. I have been in the past, by nature, a shy kind of person. I was not i
by Xurinos 16y ago
That is certainly a valid way of looking at it. I have a different perspective, though.
I have been in the past, by nature, a shy kind of person. I was not into parties, I let things slide by that dug me in more deeply, I became what others wanted me to be.
Somewhere in high school, I learned the lesson in this article, and I am going to say some related things. How did the bullies, stupid as they were, gain followers? What was it about the way they acted that the strong moved with the strong instead of butting heads?
It's pack mentality. We have it, as social creatures. The posing makes a difference. Whatever you feel inside, you can move and shake things with the illusion.
Then, somewhere along the lines, you believe in the illusion, have molded yourself into it. You pretended to be an alpha, and then you became it.
Will the babes start liking you? You know it; many studies have shown a relationship between confidence (not necessarily over-confidence, not feigned confidence) and attraction.
Getting into the habit of a particular mindset CAN change you. Forcing a smile will eventually result in a real smile. Sure, your self-esteem can rise, purely on this.
And it does not have to be a practice of one-upping. Real alphas do not need to play that game. ;) We can respect the presence and domains of other alphas. You are talking about the yapping pups.
- antareus 16y agoThis sounds like my story, but it took me much longer. However, I don't view myself as alpha or beta, merely someone with confidence who will assert myself if necessary. I think I view the alpha term with derision due to pick-up artists elevating it to be the point of one's life. The emphasis on it reeks of someone needing social redemption of sorts; as if they've committed a heinous sin against society at large by not quite fitting the mold. I've seen a few people sacrifice parts of themselves at this altar; hell, I'm pretty sure I have, somewhere along the way. Power dynamics are all bullshit (which practically begs for satire), but not playing is a guaranteed loss. I just feel like it doesn't have to be like this, but it is. It disturbs me on an aesthetic level.
- andreyf 16y agoI'm pretty sure not playing is a guaranteed win ;)
- sbaqai 16y ago>The posing makes a difference. Whatever you feel inside, you can move and shake things with the illusion. Then, somewhere along the lines, you believe in the illusion, have molded yourself into it. You pretended to be an alpha, and then you became it. I find this quite interesting. I'm curious if you have any articles/links to something that expands on this idea? Especially this: >Getting into the habit of a particular mindset CAN change you. Forcing a smile will eventually result in a real smile. Sure, your self-esteem can rise, purely on this.
- tome 16y agoThe way I interpret is as follows. Forcing yourself to do something (like smile) when you don't want to is like erecting a tall building. The more you work on keeping the structure of the building steady the more the more you are required to consciously and unconsciously work on solidifying the foundations and the structural integrity of the building. (This is just one outcome of course. Another is that you keep forcing it and it doesn't help you get the foundations in order.)
- antareus 16y agoI only have anecdotal evidence to share, but, take it for what it is worth. I'd noticed that many people aren't always good judges of character and will fall for illusory confidence. IMO, this explains why there is undue emphasis in certain areas of life on social litmus tests: actual character evaluation is time-consuming, difficult, and requires a certain amount of introspection. So the test becomes a heuristic that works more often than not, and is relied upon. (I like to "whimsically" mention my past history of LAN gaming on 3rd dates as a way to assess how judgmental/uptight they are.) The upshot is that other people's perceptions of you are way more malleable than you might believe...as is your own perception of yourself. Ultimately, social exchanges are something of a game, and can be exploited.