What you are describing is essentially nihilism. And it's hard to talk yourself out of. Your first statement is the crux of the argument. It's a tremendous que

What you are describing is essentially nihilism. And it's hard to talk yourself out of. Your first statement is the crux of the argument. It's a tremendous question, we just don't understand, but somehow we are here. Is there even anything here if there wasn't our consciousness to witness it? But if we don't know the why, we also don't know if it matters or not. And perhaps individually you feel your impact is moot, but you affect those around you, in small ways, and that ripples out to the way they affect the people around them, and so forth. And you will suffer at some point, but you can also contribute to or ease the suffering of others, that is an active choice on your part. And I believe it is meaningful. Jordan Peterson touches on this with a nice though experiment. If we collectively all try to contribute to suffering tomorrow, every human on the planet, consciously acting to make things worse. You would have 'hell' on earth in no time. Alternatively what if everyone tried to make it better? You are just a cog in that wheel, as we all are, but we add to it's direction.