12 ms·

Power Posing: Fake It Until You Make It

58 points by jbyers 16y ago

antareus 16y ago
So, after you're the "alpha dog," what happens? Do all the babes start liking you? Have you finally made it? I realize that power has an effect on social relationships of every kind, but the these sorts of articles always strike me as addressing the symptoms of a problem (such as low self-confidence) rather than the problem itself. This is probably because the root of the problem is not a simple prescriptive fix. They also assume on some level that you should strive to have the upper hand in every encounter, which is unrealistic and off-putting. The need to be the "alpha dog" does nothing to abate feelings of insecurity, as you're still engaged in a constant cycle of judgment and one-upping others. Why do we encourage people to remain in this cycle? Oh, right, we've all been told we have to be "alpha." Whatever that means.
- endlessvoid94 16y ago
  I think it's valuable to have the ability to see situations from every perspective possible. If you're someone who's not naturally "dominant", experiencing it can be fun, empowering, and educational. That doesn't mean you have to 'become' that way. It's all (ha) a matter of perspective.
- lsc 16y ago
  The problem is that most managers seem to prefer to hire and work with people who have high levels of confidence. Why is this? Personally, I have no idea. All other things being equal, I prefer hiring people with lower apparent levels of confidence. Aside from, in my opinion, simply being more pleasant and easier to get along with day to day, they tend to stick around longer at any given salary level. Confidence commands quite a bit of a pay increase in nearly all job roles, and in the roles I hire for, confidence doesn't really help you do the job, so people with less apparent confidence are quite often bargains. Besides, I'm pretty good at faking confidence, so in the rare instances where that skill is demanded, I can just do it myself.
  - donw 16y ago
    They can be, although in my experience, you can't put low-confidence people in roles that require a lot of self-direction. Low-confidence people are less likely to branch out and learn new techniques, as they prefer to play it safe with what they already know. I've had problems before with a programmer who was terrified to do testing, because he didn't have the confidence that he could learn something new. He was otherwise a bright guy, but his lack of confidence severely hurt both himself, the team, and the company.
    - lsc 16y ago
      Eh, I think it just requires a different management style. You need to be much lighter on the stick with someone who is less confident, and to use verbal praise as the carrot (along with periodic raises) The easy mistake is to blow up when something bad happens. Generally speaking, people who seem to lack confidence have a difficult time dealing with that sort of thing, so you see them becoming risk-averse in ways that are damaging to the company. But, if you can avoid blowing up, my experience has been that they can take reasonable risks as well as anyone else. Confident people, I think, usually require a more confrontational management style. Sometimes you /need/ to blow up to get them to do what the company needs rather than what they want to do (which is something I'm not particularly good at)
      - donw 16y ago
        I can honestly say that I have never needed to 'blow up' at one of my employees. Ever. If I had an employee that was totally unwilling to listen to direction, they would be an ex-employee very quickly. I'm not a dictator or a micromanager -- I do my best to hire smart people and let them do their jobs. But sometimes, someone needs to take charge and make a decision. If someone's ego can't cope with that, they are bad for the business, and need to go. If you have to bite someone's head off to get them to do their job, that's not confidence -- that's arrogance. Two very different things.
        lsc 16y ago
- timdellinger 16y ago
  In the business world, situations with a certain amount ambiguity arise where people with conflicting goals must confront each other to determine the path forward: resource allocation, strategic direction, etc. When the other party, through force of personality, pushes an agenda that's good for them but not for the business as a whole, you quickly decide that you must learn their tricks. Not to use these tricks all the time, but to use them when you need to. You might be assuming that disagreements are settled with logic and data; in practice that's not really true. Think of it like running an advertising campaign. You put on whatever show tweaks the target audiences' neurons and convinces them to do what you want them to do. If you don't learn these tricks, your competitors will.
  - lsc 16y ago
    >When the other party, through force of personality, pushes an agenda that's good for them but not for the business as a whole, you quickly decide that you must learn their tricks. While I agree that this is the reality of the situation, it seems incredibly broken to me.
    - philwelch 16y ago
      That's humanity for you.
      - yters 16y ago
        It's why we have a military even though war is bad.
        lsc 16y ago
        it seems more like a management problem to me. I mean, if I had someone working for me who bullied my other employees into doing things that harmed the company, I'd tell the guy to knock it off, and if he continued, I'd fire him (or her... I don't think this is a gender-specific problem.) The problem is that in most companies, the people who own the place, who feel the actual profit and loss are so far removed from any decision making that all you have left is the personality of middle managers trying to advance personal goals.
- electromagnetic 16y ago
  Agreed, this is a rather cynical self-cycle of self-doubt they're promoting. In a few months I got myself a position of respect where I work, why? Because I can do what I do, I know what I'm doing and people begin to respect you for it. I didn't work to get respect, I got respect because I actually did work rather than play popularity and dominance games.
- Xurinos 16y ago
  That is certainly a valid way of looking at it. I have a different perspective, though. I have been in the past, by nature, a shy kind of person. I was not into parties, I let things slide by that dug me in more deeply, I became what others wanted me to be. Somewhere in high school, I learned the lesson in this article, and I am going to say some related things. How did the bullies, stupid as they were, gain followers? What was it about the way they acted that the strong moved with the strong instead of butting heads? It's pack mentality. We have it, as social creatures. The posing makes a difference. Whatever you feel inside, you can move and shake things with the illusion. Then, somewhere along the lines, you believe in the illusion, have molded yourself into it. You pretended to be an alpha, and then you became it. Will the babes start liking you? You know it; many studies have shown a relationship between confidence (not necessarily over-confidence, not feigned confidence) and attraction. Getting into the habit of a particular mindset CAN change you. Forcing a smile will eventually result in a real smile. Sure, your self-esteem can rise, purely on this. And it does not have to be a practice of one-upping. Real alphas do not need to play that game. ;) We can respect the presence and domains of other alphas. You are talking about the yapping pups.
  - antareus 16y ago
    This sounds like my story, but it took me much longer. However, I don't view myself as alpha or beta, merely someone with confidence who will assert myself if necessary. I think I view the alpha term with derision due to pick-up artists elevating it to be the point of one's life. The emphasis on it reeks of someone needing social redemption of sorts; as if they've committed a heinous sin against society at large by not quite fitting the mold. I've seen a few people sacrifice parts of themselves at this altar; hell, I'm pretty sure I have, somewhere along the way. Power dynamics are all bullshit (which practically begs for satire), but not playing is a guaranteed loss. I just feel like it doesn't have to be like this, but it is. It disturbs me on an aesthetic level.
    - andreyf 16y ago
      I'm pretty sure not playing is a guaranteed win ;)
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
mds 16y ago
Here's a link to the paper: http://dericbownds.net/uploaded_images/carneyetal.pdf http://dericbownds.net/uploaded_images/carneyetal.pdf It's about a 5 minute read if you skip the statistics.
babysitter 16y ago
Just what the world needs. Managers of some future Enron, already in possession of overly-inflated egos, literally puffing themselves up before meetings. How revolting.
meric 16y ago
I've got a presentation at uni today. I'm quite nervous, but this might work. Just stand up with my back straight.
- wallflower 16y ago
  Good luck and try this trick (only if you are presenting to mostly strangers) - shake hands with people entering the room. People like people who aren't strangers and someone they've shaken hands with is a little removed from a stranger.
T_S_ 16y ago
That's right kids, two hands on the desk, feet on the floor, barking orders is a stress reducing a yoga pose. It's called kicking the dog. Feet up on the desk, hands clasped behind the head is called the kicking back dog. Don't forget to flare your nostrils and breathe through the nose.

58 points by jbyers 16y ago

So, after you're the "alpha dog," what happens? Do all the babes start liking you? Have you finally made it? I realize that power has an effect on social relationships of every kind, but the these sorts of articles always strike me as addressing the symptoms of a problem (such as low self-confidence) rather than the problem itself. This is probably because the root of the problem is not a simple prescriptive fix. They also assume on some level that you should strive to have the upper hand in every encounter, which is unrealistic and off-putting. The need to be the "alpha dog" does nothing to abate feelings of insecurity, as you're still engaged in a constant cycle of judgment and one-upping others. Why do we encourage people to remain in this cycle? Oh, right, we've all been told we have to be "alpha." Whatever that means.

endlessvoid94 16y ago
I think it's valuable to have the ability to see situations from every perspective possible. If you're someone who's not naturally "dominant", experiencing it can be fun, empowering, and educational. That doesn't mean you have to 'become' that way. It's all (ha) a matter of perspective.
lsc 16y ago
The problem is that most managers seem to prefer to hire and work with people who have high levels of confidence. Why is this? Personally, I have no idea. All other things being equal, I prefer hiring people with lower apparent levels of confidence. Aside from, in my opinion, simply being more pleasant and easier to get along with day to day, they tend to stick around longer at any given salary level. Confidence commands quite a bit of a pay increase in nearly all job roles, and in the roles I hire for, confidence doesn't really help you do the job, so people with less apparent confidence are quite often bargains. Besides, I'm pretty good at faking confidence, so in the rare instances where that skill is demanded, I can just do it myself.
- donw 16y ago
  They can be, although in my experience, you can't put low-confidence people in roles that require a lot of self-direction. Low-confidence people are less likely to branch out and learn new techniques, as they prefer to play it safe with what they already know. I've had problems before with a programmer who was terrified to do testing, because he didn't have the confidence that he could learn something new. He was otherwise a bright guy, but his lack of confidence severely hurt both himself, the team, and the company.
  - lsc 16y ago
    Eh, I think it just requires a different management style. You need to be much lighter on the stick with someone who is less confident, and to use verbal praise as the carrot (along with periodic raises) The easy mistake is to blow up when something bad happens. Generally speaking, people who seem to lack confidence have a difficult time dealing with that sort of thing, so you see them becoming risk-averse in ways that are damaging to the company. But, if you can avoid blowing up, my experience has been that they can take reasonable risks as well as anyone else. Confident people, I think, usually require a more confrontational management style. Sometimes you /need/ to blow up to get them to do what the company needs rather than what they want to do (which is something I'm not particularly good at)
    - donw 16y ago
      I can honestly say that I have never needed to 'blow up' at one of my employees. Ever. If I had an employee that was totally unwilling to listen to direction, they would be an ex-employee very quickly. I'm not a dictator or a micromanager -- I do my best to hire smart people and let them do their jobs. But sometimes, someone needs to take charge and make a decision. If someone's ego can't cope with that, they are bad for the business, and need to go. If you have to bite someone's head off to get them to do their job, that's not confidence -- that's arrogance. Two very different things.
      - lsc 16y ago
timdellinger 16y ago
In the business world, situations with a certain amount ambiguity arise where people with conflicting goals must confront each other to determine the path forward: resource allocation, strategic direction, etc. When the other party, through force of personality, pushes an agenda that's good for them but not for the business as a whole, you quickly decide that you must learn their tricks. Not to use these tricks all the time, but to use them when you need to. You might be assuming that disagreements are settled with logic and data; in practice that's not really true. Think of it like running an advertising campaign. You put on whatever show tweaks the target audiences' neurons and convinces them to do what you want them to do. If you don't learn these tricks, your competitors will.
- lsc 16y ago
  >When the other party, through force of personality, pushes an agenda that's good for them but not for the business as a whole, you quickly decide that you must learn their tricks. While I agree that this is the reality of the situation, it seems incredibly broken to me.
  - philwelch 16y ago
    That's humanity for you.
    - yters 16y ago
      It's why we have a military even though war is bad.
      - lsc 16y ago
        it seems more like a management problem to me. I mean, if I had someone working for me who bullied my other employees into doing things that harmed the company, I'd tell the guy to knock it off, and if he continued, I'd fire him (or her... I don't think this is a gender-specific problem.) The problem is that in most companies, the people who own the place, who feel the actual profit and loss are so far removed from any decision making that all you have left is the personality of middle managers trying to advance personal goals.
electromagnetic 16y ago
Agreed, this is a rather cynical self-cycle of self-doubt they're promoting. In a few months I got myself a position of respect where I work, why? Because I can do what I do, I know what I'm doing and people begin to respect you for it. I didn't work to get respect, I got respect because I actually did work rather than play popularity and dominance games.
Xurinos 16y ago
That is certainly a valid way of looking at it. I have a different perspective, though. I have been in the past, by nature, a shy kind of person. I was not into parties, I let things slide by that dug me in more deeply, I became what others wanted me to be. Somewhere in high school, I learned the lesson in this article, and I am going to say some related things. How did the bullies, stupid as they were, gain followers? What was it about the way they acted that the strong moved with the strong instead of butting heads? It's pack mentality. We have it, as social creatures. The posing makes a difference. Whatever you feel inside, you can move and shake things with the illusion. Then, somewhere along the lines, you believe in the illusion, have molded yourself into it. You pretended to be an alpha, and then you became it. Will the babes start liking you? You know it; many studies have shown a relationship between confidence (not necessarily over-confidence, not feigned confidence) and attraction. Getting into the habit of a particular mindset CAN change you. Forcing a smile will eventually result in a real smile. Sure, your self-esteem can rise, purely on this. And it does not have to be a practice of one-upping. Real alphas do not need to play that game. ;) We can respect the presence and domains of other alphas. You are talking about the yapping pups.
- antareus 16y ago
  This sounds like my story, but it took me much longer. However, I don't view myself as alpha or beta, merely someone with confidence who will assert myself if necessary. I think I view the alpha term with derision due to pick-up artists elevating it to be the point of one's life. The emphasis on it reeks of someone needing social redemption of sorts; as if they've committed a heinous sin against society at large by not quite fitting the mold. I've seen a few people sacrifice parts of themselves at this altar; hell, I'm pretty sure I have, somewhere along the way. Power dynamics are all bullshit (which practically begs for satire), but not playing is a guaranteed loss. I just feel like it doesn't have to be like this, but it is. It disturbs me on an aesthetic level.
  - andreyf 16y ago
    I'm pretty sure not playing is a guaranteed win ;)
deleted 16y ago
[deleted]

mds 16y ago

Here's a link to the paper: http://dericbownds.net/uploaded_images/carneyetal.pdf http://dericbownds.net/uploaded_images/carneyetal.pdf It's about a 5 minute read if you skip the statistics.

babysitter 16y ago

Just what the world needs. Managers of some future Enron, already in possession of overly-inflated egos, literally puffing themselves up before meetings. How revolting.

meric 16y ago

I've got a presentation at uni today. I'm quite nervous, but this might work. Just stand up with my back straight.

wallflower 16y ago
Good luck and try this trick (only if you are presenting to mostly strangers) - shake hands with people entering the room. People like people who aren't strangers and someone they've shaken hands with is a little removed from a stranger.

T_S_ 16y ago

That's right kids, two hands on the desk, feet on the floor, barking orders is a stress reducing a yoga pose. It's called kicking the dog. Feet up on the desk, hands clasped behind the head is called the kicking back dog. Don't forget to flare your nostrils and breathe through the nose.