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I make a quarter million dollars. No, that money certainly won't be going to my kids. It's utterly ridiculous to pay that amount of money for child support fo

by maxk42 8y ago

I make a quarter million dollars. No, that money certainly won't be going to my kids. It's utterly ridiculous to pay that amount of money for child support for one child. This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made.

robotrout 8y ago
You are correct that it does not take $60K a year to raise a kid (or two or three). There has been a meme for a couple decades now, that kids are so expensive and will cost millions of dollars to raise, etc. This meme is doubtless responsible for much of the reduced birthrate. You can spend as much or as little as you desire on kids. I grew up shopping at Goodwill, but now I buy $40 shoes that my kids will wear for 6 months before outgrowing. That's my choice, as there are cheaper new shoes and much cheaper used shoes. Somebody else might buy their kids $120 shoes and complain to their friends how expensive their kids are. It's a shame that people like to promote this myth of the expense of kids. If you can get over your trust issue with your GF, her not needing to give up a high paying job and being able to be home with the kids is a win. She won't feel like she's missing out on something and your kids get a much better childhood.
- maxk42 8y ago
  Being practical hardly constitutes a "trust issue". It's as if none of the people criticizing me have a concept of relationships grounded in reality. It wasn't the topic and I shouldn't have to defend my relationship here.
  - robotrout 8y ago
    Nope, you shouldn't have to. I really wasn't attacking you, but on the contrary, was trying to be helpful, since you had expressed desire to have kids, and then were deciding not to. It seemed necessary for me to qualify my encouragement for you to not abandon the idea of kids, on the condition that you could make yourself feel safe in the relationship, since it seemed like you did not. It just makes me sad to see successful people deciding not to have kids, given the subject of this thread and given the very few number of my friends, my wife's friends, my family, and my wife's family that had kids.
spookthesunset 8y ago
> This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. If this is the attitude you have toward your partner then I stand by my other comment. You've got bigger problems with your relationship than just having kids. > Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. What the fuck does it matter what your partner makes? Your money is her money and her money is yours. You share everything--good and bad. That is what good partnerships are about. You are a team... But again, I digress. This isn't /r/relationships, but yes, you've got a bad attitude w.r.t. relationships. Best of luck in all your future endeavors...

by maxk42 8y ago

robotrout 8y ago

You are correct that it does not take $60K a year to raise a kid (or two or three). There has been a meme for a couple decades now, that kids are so expensive and will cost millions of dollars to raise, etc. This meme is doubtless responsible for much of the reduced birthrate. You can spend as much or as little as you desire on kids. I grew up shopping at Goodwill, but now I buy $40 shoes that my kids will wear for 6 months before outgrowing. That's my choice, as there are cheaper new shoes and much cheaper used shoes. Somebody else might buy their kids $120 shoes and complain to their friends how expensive their kids are. It's a shame that people like to promote this myth of the expense of kids. If you can get over your trust issue with your GF, her not needing to give up a high paying job and being able to be home with the kids is a win. She won't feel like she's missing out on something and your kids get a much better childhood.

maxk42 8y ago
Being practical hardly constitutes a "trust issue". It's as if none of the people criticizing me have a concept of relationships grounded in reality. It wasn't the topic and I shouldn't have to defend my relationship here.
- robotrout 8y ago
  Nope, you shouldn't have to. I really wasn't attacking you, but on the contrary, was trying to be helpful, since you had expressed desire to have kids, and then were deciding not to. It seemed necessary for me to qualify my encouragement for you to not abandon the idea of kids, on the condition that you could make yourself feel safe in the relationship, since it seemed like you did not. It just makes me sad to see successful people deciding not to have kids, given the subject of this thread and given the very few number of my friends, my wife's friends, my family, and my wife's family that had kids.

spookthesunset 8y ago

> This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. If this is the attitude you have toward your partner then I stand by my other comment. You've got bigger problems with your relationship than just having kids. > Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. What the fuck does it matter what your partner makes? Your money is her money and her money is yours. You share everything--good and bad. That is what good partnerships are about. You are a team... But again, I digress. This isn't /r/relationships, but yes, you've got a bad attitude w.r.t. relationships. Best of luck in all your future endeavors...