4 ms·

Right now, children is sort of theoretical for you. That's fine, as it's like that for everybody. Once you have them and have fallen in love with them, you'll

Right now, children is sort of theoretical for you. That's fine, as it's like that for everybody. Once you have them and have fallen in love with them, you'll find that their happiness is worth working things out with their mother, rather than breaking up. If you can't man up enough to put up with her shit (assuming there is any) and you do break up, the money will be going to your kids, who you'll love, and giving that money won't be as objectionable as you imagine. For me, I used to break up with women over silly arguments that embarrass me now to think about. Now, when such emotions surface, it always leads to me thinking about my kids and what a break-up would do to them. When you have kids, you're in a relationship with their mother and with them also. When you're mad at her, you're still having fun with them, and that lets you work through your issues with her, as their happiness includes her presence. The same applies to her, if you're being an asshole for awhile. So breaking up after kids is not as likely as you fear.

maxk42 8y ago
I make a quarter million dollars. No, that money certainly won't be going to my kids. It's utterly ridiculous to pay that amount of money for child support for one child. This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made.
- robotrout 8y ago
  You are correct that it does not take $60K a year to raise a kid (or two or three). There has been a meme for a couple decades now, that kids are so expensive and will cost millions of dollars to raise, etc. This meme is doubtless responsible for much of the reduced birthrate. You can spend as much or as little as you desire on kids. I grew up shopping at Goodwill, but now I buy $40 shoes that my kids will wear for 6 months before outgrowing. That's my choice, as there are cheaper new shoes and much cheaper used shoes. Somebody else might buy their kids $120 shoes and complain to their friends how expensive their kids are. It's a shame that people like to promote this myth of the expense of kids. If you can get over your trust issue with your GF, her not needing to give up a high paying job and being able to be home with the kids is a win. She won't feel like she's missing out on something and your kids get a much better childhood.
  - maxk42 8y ago
    Being practical hardly constitutes a "trust issue". It's as if none of the people criticizing me have a concept of relationships grounded in reality. It wasn't the topic and I shouldn't have to defend my relationship here.
    - robotrout 8y ago
      Nope, you shouldn't have to. I really wasn't attacking you, but on the contrary, was trying to be helpful, since you had expressed desire to have kids, and then were deciding not to. It seemed necessary for me to qualify my encouragement for you to not abandon the idea of kids, on the condition that you could make yourself feel safe in the relationship, since it seemed like you did not. It just makes me sad to see successful people deciding not to have kids, given the subject of this thread and given the very few number of my friends, my wife's friends, my family, and my wife's family that had kids.
- spookthesunset 8y ago
  > This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. If this is the attitude you have toward your partner then I stand by my other comment. You've got bigger problems with your relationship than just having kids. > Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. What the fuck does it matter what your partner makes? Your money is her money and her money is yours. You share everything--good and bad. That is what good partnerships are about. You are a team... But again, I digress. This isn't /r/relationships, but yes, you've got a bad attitude w.r.t. relationships. Best of luck in all your future endeavors...

maxk42 8y ago

I make a quarter million dollars. No, that money certainly won't be going to my kids. It's utterly ridiculous to pay that amount of money for child support for one child. This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made.

robotrout 8y ago
You are correct that it does not take $60K a year to raise a kid (or two or three). There has been a meme for a couple decades now, that kids are so expensive and will cost millions of dollars to raise, etc. This meme is doubtless responsible for much of the reduced birthrate. You can spend as much or as little as you desire on kids. I grew up shopping at Goodwill, but now I buy $40 shoes that my kids will wear for 6 months before outgrowing. That's my choice, as there are cheaper new shoes and much cheaper used shoes. Somebody else might buy their kids $120 shoes and complain to their friends how expensive their kids are. It's a shame that people like to promote this myth of the expense of kids. If you can get over your trust issue with your GF, her not needing to give up a high paying job and being able to be home with the kids is a win. She won't feel like she's missing out on something and your kids get a much better childhood.
- maxk42 8y ago
  Being practical hardly constitutes a "trust issue". It's as if none of the people criticizing me have a concept of relationships grounded in reality. It wasn't the topic and I shouldn't have to defend my relationship here.
  - robotrout 8y ago
    Nope, you shouldn't have to. I really wasn't attacking you, but on the contrary, was trying to be helpful, since you had expressed desire to have kids, and then were deciding not to. It seemed necessary for me to qualify my encouragement for you to not abandon the idea of kids, on the condition that you could make yourself feel safe in the relationship, since it seemed like you did not. It just makes me sad to see successful people deciding not to have kids, given the subject of this thread and given the very few number of my friends, my wife's friends, my family, and my wife's family that had kids.
spookthesunset 8y ago
> This is essentially incentivizing my partner to break up with me: "Hey <GF>, if you dump him, you get a $60k check for the rest of your life for sitting on your ass." Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. If this is the attitude you have toward your partner then I stand by my other comment. You've got bigger problems with your relationship than just having kids. > Incidentally, this is far more than she has ever made. What the fuck does it matter what your partner makes? Your money is her money and her money is yours. You share everything--good and bad. That is what good partnerships are about. You are a team... But again, I digress. This isn't /r/relationships, but yes, you've got a bad attitude w.r.t. relationships. Best of luck in all your future endeavors...