4 ms·

The stereotypical American setup is: Man helps by going to job, paying bills, doing "male-coded" household work(handyman, auto maintenance, etc.). Woman does "f

The stereotypical American setup is: Man helps by going to job, paying bills, doing "male-coded" household work(handyman, auto maintenance, etc.). Woman does "female-coded" equivalents(cooking, cleaning, shopping). In my own family the actual way it worked out was that both of them indulged their fixations and muddled through the rest without much discipline or mutual encouragement. This was imperfect but mostly worked for me up until my teen years, at that point I was neither something to indulge in or make plans with, unless one of them had concocted a story involving me - and then I was obliged to go along with it. That was not great for my psyche. And I presume in more dysfunctional families they end up getting into an argument about everything, or one is an abuser and gets away with doing less.

tathougies 8y ago
Isn't male coded housework quite difficult? My dad did a lot of projects on our house that were quite necessary to prevent things like mold growth or to make it easier to live there. He made my brother and I help a lot, and based on my memories, it was not easy work. We had this shower that needed sealing quite often, and from my memories, it was back breaking work. Often times, I would hope my mom would ask me to help her peel carrots, fold clothes, or something easier, much to my dad's chagrin.
- magduf 8y ago
  In my experience when I was married and lived this way (without kids), the "male" tasks were comparatively quite difficult and frequently involved specialized knowledge, but didn't take all that much time compared to all the cooking and cleaning my ex-wife did, though sometimes it required some late hours if a project needed to be done at a certain time. In our case, I worked a full-time tech job while my ex either wasn't working at all, or for a while was in a technical school (which wasn't taking all that much of her time), plus for a while we had several rental houses that we had to do repairs and upgrades on. So I did auto repair, tile installation, plumbing repair, etc., while she did most of the cooking and cleaning, and some things we shared like painting.
- kaitai 8y ago
  Many people (regardless of gender) no longer know how to do any of these things. I've learned a lot about moisture management, mold growth, roof functioning, etc over some years of homeownership, a lot of it from my husband who learned it from his grandfather. Many of my peers have no idea about any of it. The tasks you mention are amazingly important. However, many people today feel "male-coded" tasks encompass the following alone: take out trash, mow lawn, take car for oil change or car wash, set up TV. That set of tasks is not complex.

tathougies 8y ago

Isn't male coded housework quite difficult? My dad did a lot of projects on our house that were quite necessary to prevent things like mold growth or to make it easier to live there. He made my brother and I help a lot, and based on my memories, it was not easy work. We had this shower that needed sealing quite often, and from my memories, it was back breaking work. Often times, I would hope my mom would ask me to help her peel carrots, fold clothes, or something easier, much to my dad's chagrin.

magduf 8y ago
In my experience when I was married and lived this way (without kids), the "male" tasks were comparatively quite difficult and frequently involved specialized knowledge, but didn't take all that much time compared to all the cooking and cleaning my ex-wife did, though sometimes it required some late hours if a project needed to be done at a certain time. In our case, I worked a full-time tech job while my ex either wasn't working at all, or for a while was in a technical school (which wasn't taking all that much of her time), plus for a while we had several rental houses that we had to do repairs and upgrades on. So I did auto repair, tile installation, plumbing repair, etc., while she did most of the cooking and cleaning, and some things we shared like painting.
kaitai 8y ago
Many people (regardless of gender) no longer know how to do any of these things. I've learned a lot about moisture management, mold growth, roof functioning, etc over some years of homeownership, a lot of it from my husband who learned it from his grandfather. Many of my peers have no idea about any of it. The tasks you mention are amazingly important. However, many people today feel "male-coded" tasks encompass the following alone: take out trash, mow lawn, take car for oil change or car wash, set up TV. That set of tasks is not complex.