4 ms·

It's very brave of you to come here. Give yourself some serious credit for that. And also, it's time to stop beating yourself up for not seeking help sooner. Yo

by hluska 8y ago

It's very brave of you to come here. Give yourself some serious credit for that. And also, it's time to stop beating yourself up for not seeking help sooner. You've survived this long and now you're seeking help. I'm proud of you because surviving takes so much strength and seeking help takes serious courage. It's hard to give you situational advice because you're genuinely in a tough position. Normally, I'd tell you to go see a doctor and try to begin some CBT. Unfortunately, I don't know if that could work fast enough to make a major difference for you. I don't know where you live or what kinds of social benefits are available to you, but have you looked into any kind of short term disability program?? Alternately, have you looked into what would happen if a doctor ordered you onto stress leave and you were fired? I know in some places, that would be considered a reason to claim unemployment benefits. If none of that helps, I'm afraid that this could get worse before it gets better. If things get bad, it might get pretty tempting to think about hurting yourself. If you get to that point, please don't. Instead, please go to an emergency room and let the people there protect you. Finally, I've struggled in my life. If you ever need someone to talk to who has been through some shit, my email is in my profile. Good luck, bud and be safe. I know it's hard, but I promise that if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll eventually walk out of this hell. I'm sorry you're going through this.

forapurpose 8y ago
> CBT While I agree with everything else you say, that seems much too specific without knowing the condition or the person, and without being a professional yourself (unless you are one). I've read about research saying that the success of mental health therapy depends on 'the singer not the song'; the therapist and especially their rapport with the person they are helping are what matters, not so much the particular technique used. A good therapist, from what I understand, will have several techniques to choose from and will apply what works best in that situation.
- hluska 8y ago
  There is a literal ton of research that indicates in acute situations, CBT is a very efficient way to gain coping mechanisms. It may take some time (or other methods) to solve underlying issues, but CBT can act as a temporary crutch. CBT is also interesting because this individual is experiencing some financial problems. One of the dirty little secrets of being near financial ruin is that you end up relying upon freely available/socialized forms of help. In the vast, vast majority of cases, these types of resources offer a very limited tool chest, and CBT is the single tool they use most. It's also important to know that you won't get the chance to work with twenty different therapists to find one you get on with. In most jurisdictions, you wait three months to get access to someone. And if that person doesn't work out, it's too bad, but there just aren't the resources. The lack of resources means that the people you work with won't have the time to try different things. They have to rely upon methods that provide the greatest probability of stabilizing the issue in the shortest amount of time. But most importantly, it's about seeking a type of therapy. There's a shitty fucked up thing about depression and anxiety that keeps people away from therapy.
  - forapurpose 8y ago
    I'm not a professional; I would strongly caution against offering or following non-professional advice in a situation like this one. IME, even professionals - experts in their field - will not offer advice based on such limited information. If for some reason I can't imagine I offered such advice, I would do so in as judiciously, measured, and precise a way as possible. Hyperbole is, IMHO, not an indicator carefully considered ideas but of emotion.
    - jklein11 8y ago
      While I agree with your sentiment, is there any harm in going for cognitive behavioral therapy? I haven't read any commenter say that it should be the only arrow in the quiver, but seeking help seems like a logical first step. That said, I 100% agree. I want to get my mental health advice from mental health professionals who fully understand my situation, not random people on the internet who have a paragraph on my situation.
      - forapurpose 8y ago
        > is there any harm in going for cognitive behavioral therapy? I don't know; I'm not a professional. As an analogy, imagine a non-technical small business owner asked a psychologist, 'is there any harm in starting this critical, time-sensitive project in Java?'? Clearly the psychologist should say, 'I don't know; I have no expertise in software development.' But you could imagine the psychologist saying, not personally knowing of a difference between Java and other languages, or knowing someone whose Java project went well or reading something about how great Java is, saying, 'sure, what's the harm?' The professional's answer to the hypothetical Java question is, yes, there very well may be harm. At least there's a good chance of opportunity cost because you may have to start over. But you know how these things go, especially on time-sensitive projects - once started in Java, probably they will be stuck with that technical debt and the compromises of the wrong choice for the life of the software. And this is a critical project. Letting a professional take even a quick look at your project beforehand could save you a lot of unnecessary pain.

by hluska 8y ago

forapurpose 8y ago

> CBT While I agree with everything else you say, that seems much too specific without knowing the condition or the person, and without being a professional yourself (unless you are one). I've read about research saying that the success of mental health therapy depends on 'the singer not the song'; the therapist and especially their rapport with the person they are helping are what matters, not so much the particular technique used. A good therapist, from what I understand, will have several techniques to choose from and will apply what works best in that situation.

hluska 8y ago
There is a literal ton of research that indicates in acute situations, CBT is a very efficient way to gain coping mechanisms. It may take some time (or other methods) to solve underlying issues, but CBT can act as a temporary crutch. CBT is also interesting because this individual is experiencing some financial problems. One of the dirty little secrets of being near financial ruin is that you end up relying upon freely available/socialized forms of help. In the vast, vast majority of cases, these types of resources offer a very limited tool chest, and CBT is the single tool they use most. It's also important to know that you won't get the chance to work with twenty different therapists to find one you get on with. In most jurisdictions, you wait three months to get access to someone. And if that person doesn't work out, it's too bad, but there just aren't the resources. The lack of resources means that the people you work with won't have the time to try different things. They have to rely upon methods that provide the greatest probability of stabilizing the issue in the shortest amount of time. But most importantly, it's about seeking a type of therapy. There's a shitty fucked up thing about depression and anxiety that keeps people away from therapy.
- forapurpose 8y ago
  I'm not a professional; I would strongly caution against offering or following non-professional advice in a situation like this one. IME, even professionals - experts in their field - will not offer advice based on such limited information. If for some reason I can't imagine I offered such advice, I would do so in as judiciously, measured, and precise a way as possible. Hyperbole is, IMHO, not an indicator carefully considered ideas but of emotion.
  - jklein11 8y ago
    While I agree with your sentiment, is there any harm in going for cognitive behavioral therapy? I haven't read any commenter say that it should be the only arrow in the quiver, but seeking help seems like a logical first step. That said, I 100% agree. I want to get my mental health advice from mental health professionals who fully understand my situation, not random people on the internet who have a paragraph on my situation.
    - forapurpose 8y ago
      > is there any harm in going for cognitive behavioral therapy? I don't know; I'm not a professional. As an analogy, imagine a non-technical small business owner asked a psychologist, 'is there any harm in starting this critical, time-sensitive project in Java?'? Clearly the psychologist should say, 'I don't know; I have no expertise in software development.' But you could imagine the psychologist saying, not personally knowing of a difference between Java and other languages, or knowing someone whose Java project went well or reading something about how great Java is, saying, 'sure, what's the harm?' The professional's answer to the hypothetical Java question is, yes, there very well may be harm. At least there's a good chance of opportunity cost because you may have to start over. But you know how these things go, especially on time-sensitive projects - once started in Java, probably they will be stuck with that technical debt and the compromises of the wrong choice for the life of the software. And this is a critical project. Letting a professional take even a quick look at your project beforehand could save you a lot of unnecessary pain.