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I see this not as a consequence of the #metoo movement and more of a consequence of the lack of social intelligence & skills education. Because it IS entirely p

I see this not as a consequence of the #metoo movement and more of a consequence of the lack of social intelligence & skills education. Because it IS entirely possible to befriend a women and not come across creepy, regardless of your physical appearance. As the author mentioned, girls tend to "engage in more prosocial behaviors" than boys. This means teenage and college-age men - especially those who gravitate towards fields of study that are "perceived to be anti-social" - may come across as socially awkward in their interactions. And while their interactions may be entirely innocent, that awkwardness can be interpreted as "creepy" by some. IMHO, one viable solution to this is to add and strengthen social and emotional intelligence education in our schools. And perhaps, offer workshops for parents as well. Many schools are already beginning to do this. We just need more of it - and to continue it all the way through higher education.

gnulinux 8y ago
> Because it IS entirely possible to befriend a women and not come across creepy, regardless of your physical appearance. This depends on a lot more than your social abilities such your the way you look and your social status, none of which can be changed easily.
- mikeleeorg 8y ago
  If you are referring to ethnicity, than yes, I definitely agree. If you are referring to your clothes, then yes, there are definitely cultural biases (e.g. reactions to burkas). With that said, I still do see some people (albeit rarely) still find a way to bridge the gap using what seems like infinite patience and grace on their part (which I would say are part of social intelligence). But even then, there are people who will always allow their implicit biases come to the surface, no matter how graceful you are.
  - gnulinux 8y ago
    I'm not quiete sure what you're suggesting, sorry. I think there is a distinction between people who are very attractive and very unattractive. If a very attractive person does something stupid -- like getting hella drunk and asking a random stranger out -- people laugh and it's a fun memory. If an unattractive person does the exact same thing it's creepy. I think that's just a fact of life for me, I also don't care how much people here will tell me this is not true, I have seen consistently that the probability of attractive people being labelled "creepy" is significantly less than unattractive people. It is also true that some people are really adept at social skills maybe due to experience or maybe due to innate, genetic factors. Some people are really fun and fascinating to talk to. Even nerdy, unattractive people! Like, sometimes I get to know people whose only passion in life is mathematics and they're generally very unattractive but they are extremely fun to talk to. I just wanna be around then and listen to their jokes. But some people are not like that, and this makes social interactions inherently harder for them. I wasn't thinking of cultural biases (I'm mostly thinking of Bay Area cultural context since this is the one I know but I'm assuming it's pretty much the same in most Western cultures) but I guess you can say something about that too. My main point is: talkign to women is extremely easy for some people, and the hardest thing in the world for other. When you simply can't talk to anyone comfortably in non-work context, it's almost impossible to make friends with them. I honestly do not know how to properly make women friends and I'd much rather not make women friends than make them and myself uncomfortable which for me disproves the whole article.
    - mikeleeorg 8y ago
      I see what you mean. Yea, I hear you. There've been studies showing how attractiveness can shape the perceptions and behaviors of others, so unfortunately, what you're experiencing seems to be baked into the behavior of many people. I like to believe that not everyone is like this, but I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't happen... :( With that said, I do think there are some situations where physical attractiveness is much less of a barrier. I've seen some friendships grow from interactions on Discord for Pokemon Go, for instance. Those people may interact in person pretty rarely, but seem to have pretty deep discussions online. Same could be said for other online communities, of course.
stcredzero 8y ago
Because it IS entirely possible to befriend a women and not come across creepy, regardless of your physical appearance. This is very highly dependent on perceived relative status. I remember just standing in an entryway literally doing and saying absolutely nothing, watching a woman melt down into delusion and accuse me of being a creeper. If you can be mistaken to be a homeless person, it's a lot more likely. If you dress well in an expensive suit, you're immune. Heck, you're a bit over-immune.
- mikeleeorg 8y ago
  Very true. And there are cultural and ethnic biases to this too. I still see people who are able to bridge these divides and still establish rapports, if not acquaintanceships. Friendships/acquaintanceships are also two-way streets. Some people will have a very difficult time forming such bonds, no matter how socially intelligent the other party is, regardless of gender.

gnulinux 8y ago

> Because it IS entirely possible to befriend a women and not come across creepy, regardless of your physical appearance. This depends on a lot more than your social abilities such your the way you look and your social status, none of which can be changed easily.

mikeleeorg 8y ago
If you are referring to ethnicity, than yes, I definitely agree. If you are referring to your clothes, then yes, there are definitely cultural biases (e.g. reactions to burkas). With that said, I still do see some people (albeit rarely) still find a way to bridge the gap using what seems like infinite patience and grace on their part (which I would say are part of social intelligence). But even then, there are people who will always allow their implicit biases come to the surface, no matter how graceful you are.
- gnulinux 8y ago
  I'm not quiete sure what you're suggesting, sorry. I think there is a distinction between people who are very attractive and very unattractive. If a very attractive person does something stupid -- like getting hella drunk and asking a random stranger out -- people laugh and it's a fun memory. If an unattractive person does the exact same thing it's creepy. I think that's just a fact of life for me, I also don't care how much people here will tell me this is not true, I have seen consistently that the probability of attractive people being labelled "creepy" is significantly less than unattractive people. It is also true that some people are really adept at social skills maybe due to experience or maybe due to innate, genetic factors. Some people are really fun and fascinating to talk to. Even nerdy, unattractive people! Like, sometimes I get to know people whose only passion in life is mathematics and they're generally very unattractive but they are extremely fun to talk to. I just wanna be around then and listen to their jokes. But some people are not like that, and this makes social interactions inherently harder for them. I wasn't thinking of cultural biases (I'm mostly thinking of Bay Area cultural context since this is the one I know but I'm assuming it's pretty much the same in most Western cultures) but I guess you can say something about that too. My main point is: talkign to women is extremely easy for some people, and the hardest thing in the world for other. When you simply can't talk to anyone comfortably in non-work context, it's almost impossible to make friends with them. I honestly do not know how to properly make women friends and I'd much rather not make women friends than make them and myself uncomfortable which for me disproves the whole article.
  - mikeleeorg 8y ago
    I see what you mean. Yea, I hear you. There've been studies showing how attractiveness can shape the perceptions and behaviors of others, so unfortunately, what you're experiencing seems to be baked into the behavior of many people. I like to believe that not everyone is like this, but I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't happen... :( With that said, I do think there are some situations where physical attractiveness is much less of a barrier. I've seen some friendships grow from interactions on Discord for Pokemon Go, for instance. Those people may interact in person pretty rarely, but seem to have pretty deep discussions online. Same could be said for other online communities, of course.

stcredzero 8y ago

Because it IS entirely possible to befriend a women and not come across creepy, regardless of your physical appearance. This is very highly dependent on perceived relative status. I remember just standing in an entryway literally doing and saying absolutely nothing, watching a woman melt down into delusion and accuse me of being a creeper. If you can be mistaken to be a homeless person, it's a lot more likely. If you dress well in an expensive suit, you're immune. Heck, you're a bit over-immune.

mikeleeorg 8y ago
Very true. And there are cultural and ethnic biases to this too. I still see people who are able to bridge these divides and still establish rapports, if not acquaintanceships. Friendships/acquaintanceships are also two-way streets. Some people will have a very difficult time forming such bonds, no matter how socially intelligent the other party is, regardless of gender.