4 ms·

What would you suggest a proper response is... "yeah, I know!"? To me, asking "what do you mean?" is a perfectly valid response to someone openly name calling p

by Zarath 8y ago

What would you suggest a proper response is... "yeah, I know!"? To me, asking "what do you mean?" is a perfectly valid response to someone openly name calling people you know.

meheleventyone 8y ago
I presume from the general description the woman in question is a report so this is less gossip and more opening up to a manager. You’re dealing with another person sharing something that is probably emotionally difficult for them to say. I’d suggest a subtler approach than immediately busting in with the evidence requests. It’s a slower process which is neither immediately believing or disbelieving the accusation but taking it seriously. Being open to the possibility and seeing where it leads rather than shutting things down because it’s uncomfortable. Because presumably the woman is also someone you know that you wouldn’t want to be hurt as well.
- Mythanar 8y ago
  Didn't you just describe the downsides in dealing with women in perfect detail? That complicated attempts at telepathing how emotional it is for them, "subtler approaches", "slower processes", "shutting things down because it's uncomfortable". None of that is needed when both parties are males. Not to mention the entire possibility of that scenario happening is then about nil to begin with.
  - dang 8y ago
    > the downsides in dealing with women Between that and "skip the females" this account has gone beyond garden-variety flamewar into uglier incivility and I'm going to ban it. Twice in one thread is more than a slip. If you don't want to be banned, you're welcome to read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and email us a reason to believe that you'll follow the rules in the future.
- modbait 8y ago
  You're saying she found it emotionally difficult to describe her coworkers as "creepy"? I don't think so.
yosito 8y ago
I'd say a proper response is one that conveys empathy and validation of her feelings. Grilling her for specifics could feel threatening, but showing concern or curiosity about her feelings could make her feel safe enough to open up. Possible things that could be part of a proper response: "Oh, yeah, I've noticed a few of the guys are unaware of social cues. Has anyone done anything that felt threatening?", "Yeah, sometimes guys don't realize how they come off. I'm sorry they've made you feel that way.", body language that is non-threatening like sitting down, relaxing your shoulders, standing far enough away, facial expressions that reflect the feelings she's expressing to you.

by Zarath 8y ago

What would you suggest a proper response is... "yeah, I know!"? To me, asking "what do you mean?" is a perfectly valid response to someone openly name calling people you know.

meheleventyone 8y ago

I presume from the general description the woman in question is a report so this is less gossip and more opening up to a manager. You’re dealing with another person sharing something that is probably emotionally difficult for them to say. I’d suggest a subtler approach than immediately busting in with the evidence requests. It’s a slower process which is neither immediately believing or disbelieving the accusation but taking it seriously. Being open to the possibility and seeing where it leads rather than shutting things down because it’s uncomfortable. Because presumably the woman is also someone you know that you wouldn’t want to be hurt as well.

Mythanar 8y ago
Didn't you just describe the downsides in dealing with women in perfect detail? That complicated attempts at telepathing how emotional it is for them, "subtler approaches", "slower processes", "shutting things down because it's uncomfortable". None of that is needed when both parties are males. Not to mention the entire possibility of that scenario happening is then about nil to begin with.
- dang 8y ago
  > the downsides in dealing with women Between that and "skip the females" this account has gone beyond garden-variety flamewar into uglier incivility and I'm going to ban it. Twice in one thread is more than a slip. If you don't want to be banned, you're welcome to read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and email us a reason to believe that you'll follow the rules in the future.
modbait 8y ago
You're saying she found it emotionally difficult to describe her coworkers as "creepy"? I don't think so.

yosito 8y ago

I'd say a proper response is one that conveys empathy and validation of her feelings. Grilling her for specifics could feel threatening, but showing concern or curiosity about her feelings could make her feel safe enough to open up. Possible things that could be part of a proper response: "Oh, yeah, I've noticed a few of the guys are unaware of social cues. Has anyone done anything that felt threatening?", "Yeah, sometimes guys don't realize how they come off. I'm sorry they've made you feel that way.", body language that is non-threatening like sitting down, relaxing your shoulders, standing far enough away, facial expressions that reflect the feelings she's expressing to you.