4 ms·

Dont give up, learn the basics of human interactions and get interested in people, your life will change.

ninkendo 9y ago
I think it's a bit unfair to assume that people who are considered creepy must not know basic human interactions. A lot of people's initial opinion of you is guided subconsciously by how attractive you are. It's foolish to believe that looks don't play a huge role.
- wilsonnb 9y ago
  A lot of the attractiveness that they focus on isn't necessarily unchangeable, though. Many people can significantly improve the first impression they make by having a nice haircut that fits your head shape and clothes that fit your body shape well, match each other well, and aren't out of place for the current season.
  - modbait 9y ago
    So instead of "befriend her", you're suggesting "get new clothes and a nice haircut and then befriend her"? No thanks--I have enough friends.
    - wilsonnb 9y ago
      I'm suggesting that people who feel like others unfairly judge them as creepy and don't like it use the modifiable aspects of their physical appearance to change how people see them. Apparently you don't care if you are perceived as creepy, which is fine, but other people do care and would be interested in doing something about it.
- yosito 8y ago
  Science says creepiness is more about how well you can follow social norms, not about how attractive you are. https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3218006ee96d3dce0be/mcandrew2016.pdf https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3...
scrollaway 9y ago
People who do that get regularly called creepy for just trying to talk to women. You're telling someone not to give up on the very thing getting them called out as "a creep". Hell in some countries, you get called creepy for doing that for trying to befriend anyone outside of very specific social situations. When I was in Stockholm, approaching strangers and striking up a conversation was seen as generally rude.
- jochung 9y ago
  Yep. For an ideology that seems extremely concerned about how words like "chairman" or "craftsmanship" are perpetuating harmful gender biases, feminists sure never seem to notice that "creep" and "coward" are implicitly male.
- yosito 8y ago
  Creepiness just means that you don't follow social norms so people aren't sure if you're a threat or not. Learning social norms will help. It's science: https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3218006ee96d3dce0be/mcandrew2016.pdf https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3...
erobbins 9y ago
Advice like this is similar to telling a depressed person to just be happier.
- blattimwind 9y ago
  https://i.huffpost.com/gen/2271298/thumbs/o-ROBOT-HUGS-570.jpg?6 https://i.huffpost.com/gen/2271298/thumbs/o-ROBOT-HUGS-570.j...
- rhino369 9y ago
  The treatment social anxiety is often more exposure. Nothing is worse than just avoiding the things that give you anxiety.
thaumaturgy 9y ago
Speaking from personal experience, this advice isn't as bad as the votes and replies are making it look. I spent most of my time as a kid screwing around with computers and other whatsits, so I was really withdrawn and socially awkward after high school, and gave off the kind of accidental creeper aura that people here are talking about. (A mix of shyness, over-sharing, nonexistent small talk, and bad body language.) Then I took a break from the tech industry for a while and ended up getting a job as a climbing instructor. It was an amazing change in a short period of time. I learned how to socialize quickly and easily with people I'd never met before, went out for beers, learned how to show people that they could trust me with their safety or their kid's safety really fast (because kids' birthday parties were a big revenue stream...). Any kind of job or hobby that requires you to be social to do well at it should work just fine. (Retail and food service don't count.) I'm sure there are people who are so naturally awkward that this is useless advice, but I suspect there are far more people who could benefit from spending more time around people than they do around electronics.
- rexaliquid 9y ago
  Organized roleplaying campaigns could be a good social hobby that is fun for the nerd brain, too.
- StreamBright 8y ago
  I dont mind HN mob downvotes, I hope it helped OP

I think it's a bit unfair to assume that people who are considered creepy must not know basic human interactions. A lot of people's initial opinion of you is guided subconsciously by how attractive you are. It's foolish to believe that looks don't play a huge role.

wilsonnb 9y ago
A lot of the attractiveness that they focus on isn't necessarily unchangeable, though. Many people can significantly improve the first impression they make by having a nice haircut that fits your head shape and clothes that fit your body shape well, match each other well, and aren't out of place for the current season.
- modbait 9y ago
  So instead of "befriend her", you're suggesting "get new clothes and a nice haircut and then befriend her"? No thanks--I have enough friends.
  - wilsonnb 9y ago
    I'm suggesting that people who feel like others unfairly judge them as creepy and don't like it use the modifiable aspects of their physical appearance to change how people see them. Apparently you don't care if you are perceived as creepy, which is fine, but other people do care and would be interested in doing something about it.
yosito 8y ago
Science says creepiness is more about how well you can follow social norms, not about how attractive you are. https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3218006ee96d3dce0be/mcandrew2016.pdf https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3...

scrollaway 9y ago

People who do that get regularly called creepy for just trying to talk to women. You're telling someone not to give up on the very thing getting them called out as "a creep". Hell in some countries, you get called creepy for doing that for trying to befriend anyone outside of very specific social situations. When I was in Stockholm, approaching strangers and striking up a conversation was seen as generally rude.

jochung 9y ago
Yep. For an ideology that seems extremely concerned about how words like "chairman" or "craftsmanship" are perpetuating harmful gender biases, feminists sure never seem to notice that "creep" and "coward" are implicitly male.
yosito 8y ago
Creepiness just means that you don't follow social norms so people aren't sure if you're a threat or not. Learning social norms will help. It's science: https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3218006ee96d3dce0be/mcandrew2016.pdf https://dacemirror.sci-hub.tw/journal-article/189a70c9d3a2a3...

erobbins 9y ago

Advice like this is similar to telling a depressed person to just be happier.

blattimwind 9y ago
https://i.huffpost.com/gen/2271298/thumbs/o-ROBOT-HUGS-570.jpg?6 https://i.huffpost.com/gen/2271298/thumbs/o-ROBOT-HUGS-570.j...
rhino369 9y ago
The treatment social anxiety is often more exposure. Nothing is worse than just avoiding the things that give you anxiety.

thaumaturgy 9y ago

Speaking from personal experience, this advice isn't as bad as the votes and replies are making it look. I spent most of my time as a kid screwing around with computers and other whatsits, so I was really withdrawn and socially awkward after high school, and gave off the kind of accidental creeper aura that people here are talking about. (A mix of shyness, over-sharing, nonexistent small talk, and bad body language.) Then I took a break from the tech industry for a while and ended up getting a job as a climbing instructor. It was an amazing change in a short period of time. I learned how to socialize quickly and easily with people I'd never met before, went out for beers, learned how to show people that they could trust me with their safety or their kid's safety really fast (because kids' birthday parties were a big revenue stream...). Any kind of job or hobby that requires you to be social to do well at it should work just fine. (Retail and food service don't count.) I'm sure there are people who are so naturally awkward that this is useless advice, but I suspect there are far more people who could benefit from spending more time around people than they do around electronics.

rexaliquid 9y ago
Organized roleplaying campaigns could be a good social hobby that is fun for the nerd brain, too.
StreamBright 8y ago
I dont mind HN mob downvotes, I hope it helped OP