6 ms·

Best parenting practise - ignore most advice from people you don’t know. It tends to be totally subjective, contradictory, and faddish. Give your kids loads of

Best parenting practise - ignore most advice from people you don’t know. It tends to be totally subjective, contradictory, and faddish. Give your kids loads of love, in whatever way feels right to you and your family.

andrei_says_ 9y ago
And remember to recalibrate for your sense of “normal” which was formed by your parents, and by their parents.
- CodeCube 9y ago
  Not to mention recalibrating your sense of "normal" from your life before children. Totally not saying that one has to let the child completely take over their life ... but it's also unhealthy to expect everything to stay the same as it was before the kid arrived. Aside from the kid _demanding_ more of your time for fulfilling their basic needs, you will likely _want_ to spend more time bonding with them. I did kind of a poor job at this at first, and it resulted in me getting completely burned out from trying to maintain work, side projects, community engagement (ie. the user group/meetup I had started), etc etc etc ... once I re-evaluated my priorities, I realized that for the next few years I had to cut back on that other stuff a bit to focus on my family (and work of course, gotta bring home that bacon after all ;) ). Resulted in a significant QoL improvement for me ... and the kids eventually got older, which opened up more time for "stuff" again :)
BillinghamJ 9y ago
I don't think it's a bad thing to want to see other people's ideas and thoughts on it. As long as you bear in mind what they are - just individuals' ideas - not advice, the right answer, gospel, etc.
breakyerself 9y ago
There is lots of room for variation, but there are also things that are well established scientifically to have a known effect. Talking to babies more helps them learn language faster. Reading to children helps them become stronger readers. spanking children makes them more likely to have problems with aggression. Later in life it's a risk factor for criminality and problems with mental health.
- watwut 9y ago
  Reading to newborn does nothing.
  - francoisdevlin 9y ago
    It trains the parents
  - watwut 9y ago
    Curious to know whether people downvoting really believe that reading to newborn has an effect. And whether they ever seen newborn if they indeed believe so.
- duderific 9y ago
  > spanking children makes them more likely to have problems with aggression. I don't spank, but up until 30 or 40 years ago, spanking was a perfectly acceptable form of punishment, and probably most kids were spanked at one time or another. And it wasn't like society was significantly more aggressive than it is now. So I don't know how you can make that sweeping generalization -- at least post links to some studies. Here is one study that found that the link between spanking and aggression is greatly determined by the context in which the spanking occurs: https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED415019.pdf https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED415019.pdf
  - mjburgess 9y ago
    > And it wasn't like society was significantly more aggressive than it is now. Yes it was. Much, Much, Much more. Murder and violence, domestic violence. Society 40 years ago was radically different than it is now, and most of the 20th C. was a very violent time.
    - rrauenza 9y ago
      This supports that, yes, it was more aggressive 40 years ago, and simulatenously remind us that correlation isn't always causation: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2013/01/03/how-lead-caused-americas-violent-crime-epidemic/#53f64dbb12c4 https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2013/01/03/how-lead-c...
dougmccune 9y ago
I'd say ignore most advice from people you do know too. Especially anyone who doesn't have kids, or only has one kid. There are definitely good tips to take from parents or books -- the stuff from happiest baby on the block (swaddling, shushing, etc), which baby carrier doesn't hurt your friend's back, etc. But kids are so different, what works for one won't work for another. So anyone who listens to your tale of why your particular baby is difficult and then tells you why you're doing something wrong is just full of shit. They can tell you things to try, and who knows if they'll work, it's always worth a shot. But please don't let yourself feel bad because some random friend of yours had an easy baby and you're having a hard time. Kids are different and it's incredibly unfair how big a delta there is between easy babies and hard babies. [EDIT: I went back and realized the original ask wasn't just about newborns, but about parenting all different age levels. I'm not sure that changes much of my opinion, but I do think it makes a collaborative project more interesting/useful]
- airstrike 9y ago
  > Especially anyone who doesn't have kids, or only has one kid. People say this all the time even though it ignores the fact that virtually anyone has parents even if they don't have kids. Having a kid doesn't make you better at parenting. At best, it forces you to think about parenting but there was nothing stopping you from doing that before.
  - andy_adams 9y ago
    > Having a kid doesn't make you better at parenting Holy cow, this is so untrue. Having a kid is pretty much the _only_ way to get better at parenting, saving maybe babysitting someone else's kids for long periods of time.
    - airstrike 9y ago
      Making a genuine effort to be a good parent is what makes a good parent. You don't magically become enlightened after giving birth.
tasssko 9y ago
Loads of love and take the time to listen to them when they speak to you even if you don't understand just nod and continue engaging they get used to you paying them attention in this way and eventually you'll understand them.
senorjazz 9y ago
I think you have it more or less right. Speak to them. Listen to them. Read to them. Play with them. Don't try to over manage things. Don't over protect them. Let them fail. Let them fall. Don't be too pushy with things you want them to like. They are not mini you, they are them :)
- riffraff 9y ago
  while I generally agree with your point, I'd like to point out that all those things are wildly generic and subjective (but much like "eat with moderation" still meaningful!). E.g. what does "over protect" mean? Is it ok to let your 2yo climb on the climbing things at the playground, even if they are for bigger kids? Is hovering to catch him/her in case of fall overprotecting? What about climbing on trees? And Fences? At what age exactly is it ok to let your kids go to school or come back on their own? Or, "read to them". Is one story at evening enough? one booklet per kid maybe? 2 each seems better, but then, probably it's better to read them something in the morning too etc. Going back to the original proposition, most likely it won't matter too much if you read 1 book a week or ten stories a day to your kid, s/he will love you anyway, and as long as you are not abusive and keep them fed and clean, you'll be a good enough parent, which is the best one can hope for.
  - infinite8s 9y ago
    Regarding reading,there is probably no amount that is enough. Just read as much as you have time for and inclination for.
spacehome 9y ago
I'm choosing to ignore your advice on the basis that it's subjective and faddish.
- b1gnasty 9y ago
  unless any of us know blowski personally, we're all supposed to be ignoring their advice anyhow

andrei_says_ 9y ago

And remember to recalibrate for your sense of “normal” which was formed by your parents, and by their parents.

CodeCube 9y ago
Not to mention recalibrating your sense of "normal" from your life before children. Totally not saying that one has to let the child completely take over their life ... but it's also unhealthy to expect everything to stay the same as it was before the kid arrived. Aside from the kid _demanding_ more of your time for fulfilling their basic needs, you will likely _want_ to spend more time bonding with them. I did kind of a poor job at this at first, and it resulted in me getting completely burned out from trying to maintain work, side projects, community engagement (ie. the user group/meetup I had started), etc etc etc ... once I re-evaluated my priorities, I realized that for the next few years I had to cut back on that other stuff a bit to focus on my family (and work of course, gotta bring home that bacon after all ;) ). Resulted in a significant QoL improvement for me ... and the kids eventually got older, which opened up more time for "stuff" again :)

BillinghamJ 9y ago

I don't think it's a bad thing to want to see other people's ideas and thoughts on it. As long as you bear in mind what they are - just individuals' ideas - not advice, the right answer, gospel, etc.

breakyerself 9y ago

There is lots of room for variation, but there are also things that are well established scientifically to have a known effect. Talking to babies more helps them learn language faster. Reading to children helps them become stronger readers. spanking children makes them more likely to have problems with aggression. Later in life it's a risk factor for criminality and problems with mental health.

watwut 9y ago
Reading to newborn does nothing.
- francoisdevlin 9y ago
  It trains the parents
- watwut 9y ago
  Curious to know whether people downvoting really believe that reading to newborn has an effect. And whether they ever seen newborn if they indeed believe so.
duderific 9y ago
> spanking children makes them more likely to have problems with aggression. I don't spank, but up until 30 or 40 years ago, spanking was a perfectly acceptable form of punishment, and probably most kids were spanked at one time or another. And it wasn't like society was significantly more aggressive than it is now. So I don't know how you can make that sweeping generalization -- at least post links to some studies. Here is one study that found that the link between spanking and aggression is greatly determined by the context in which the spanking occurs: https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED415019.pdf https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED415019.pdf
- mjburgess 9y ago
  > And it wasn't like society was significantly more aggressive than it is now. Yes it was. Much, Much, Much more. Murder and violence, domestic violence. Society 40 years ago was radically different than it is now, and most of the 20th C. was a very violent time.
  - rrauenza 9y ago
    This supports that, yes, it was more aggressive 40 years ago, and simulatenously remind us that correlation isn't always causation: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2013/01/03/how-lead-caused-americas-violent-crime-epidemic/#53f64dbb12c4 https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2013/01/03/how-lead-c...

dougmccune 9y ago

I'd say ignore most advice from people you do know too. Especially anyone who doesn't have kids, or only has one kid. There are definitely good tips to take from parents or books -- the stuff from happiest baby on the block (swaddling, shushing, etc), which baby carrier doesn't hurt your friend's back, etc. But kids are so different, what works for one won't work for another. So anyone who listens to your tale of why your particular baby is difficult and then tells you why you're doing something wrong is just full of shit. They can tell you things to try, and who knows if they'll work, it's always worth a shot. But please don't let yourself feel bad because some random friend of yours had an easy baby and you're having a hard time. Kids are different and it's incredibly unfair how big a delta there is between easy babies and hard babies. [EDIT: I went back and realized the original ask wasn't just about newborns, but about parenting all different age levels. I'm not sure that changes much of my opinion, but I do think it makes a collaborative project more interesting/useful]

airstrike 9y ago
> Especially anyone who doesn't have kids, or only has one kid. People say this all the time even though it ignores the fact that virtually anyone has parents even if they don't have kids. Having a kid doesn't make you better at parenting. At best, it forces you to think about parenting but there was nothing stopping you from doing that before.
- andy_adams 9y ago
  > Having a kid doesn't make you better at parenting Holy cow, this is so untrue. Having a kid is pretty much the _only_ way to get better at parenting, saving maybe babysitting someone else's kids for long periods of time.
  - airstrike 9y ago
    Making a genuine effort to be a good parent is what makes a good parent. You don't magically become enlightened after giving birth.

tasssko 9y ago

Loads of love and take the time to listen to them when they speak to you even if you don't understand just nod and continue engaging they get used to you paying them attention in this way and eventually you'll understand them.

senorjazz 9y ago

I think you have it more or less right. Speak to them. Listen to them. Read to them. Play with them. Don't try to over manage things. Don't over protect them. Let them fail. Let them fall. Don't be too pushy with things you want them to like. They are not mini you, they are them :)

riffraff 9y ago
while I generally agree with your point, I'd like to point out that all those things are wildly generic and subjective (but much like "eat with moderation" still meaningful!). E.g. what does "over protect" mean? Is it ok to let your 2yo climb on the climbing things at the playground, even if they are for bigger kids? Is hovering to catch him/her in case of fall overprotecting? What about climbing on trees? And Fences? At what age exactly is it ok to let your kids go to school or come back on their own? Or, "read to them". Is one story at evening enough? one booklet per kid maybe? 2 each seems better, but then, probably it's better to read them something in the morning too etc. Going back to the original proposition, most likely it won't matter too much if you read 1 book a week or ten stories a day to your kid, s/he will love you anyway, and as long as you are not abusive and keep them fed and clean, you'll be a good enough parent, which is the best one can hope for.
- infinite8s 9y ago
  Regarding reading,there is probably no amount that is enough. Just read as much as you have time for and inclination for.

spacehome 9y ago

I'm choosing to ignore your advice on the basis that it's subjective and faddish.

b1gnasty 9y ago
unless any of us know blowski personally, we're all supposed to be ignoring their advice anyhow