6 ms·

It sounds like you've let anxiety and panic take control. Remember that your co-founder cares about the business, and is probably doing what he thinks is best

by cowpig 8y ago

It sounds like you've let anxiety and panic take control. Remember that your co-founder cares about the business, and is probably doing what he thinks is best with his time. I'd writing a letter to him (and not sending it), taking a full day off, and then read your letter imagining you're him. It's important to communicate how you're feeling, but don't make your co-founder responsible for that--his work/role in the company is his responsibility, and the way you're feeling is your own. Communicating both (what you think needs to change, and also how you feel about it) but keeping the two distinct will help.

staticautomatic 8y ago
No. The co-founder doesn't care about the business. He thinks he cares. He may even want to care. But he doesn't. He cares about himself.
- georgemcbay 8y ago
  That's an amazing leap to make considering everything we know about the situation is coming from OP and thus is, by definition, one-sided and surely biased to some degree. I don't know who the OP is nor is it my intention to cast doubt on his or her view of the situation, but I find it incredible that anyone's immediate reaction upon reading this is so absolutely sure that the co-founder doesn't care about his own business.
  - staticautomatic 8y ago
    It's not a leap at all. If what the OP is saying about the co-founder is true, then that's my take. People who act like the OP described are not acting in the best interest of the business. If what the OP said cannot be believed, even for the sake of argument, then there's no discussion to be had at all.
    - afarrell 8y ago
      > If what the OP said cannot be believed, even for the sake of argument, then there's no discussion to be had at all. Disagree. 1) One can read a text with an eye toward the ways in which the narrator might be misinterpreting the situation and can hold in ones' head the possibility of that misinterpretation...while also making suggestions for how to grapple with the problem that the writer presents. 2) Taking as given the way OP presents their problem, you are correct that the co-founder is not acting in the best interests of the business. However, it is an unjustified leap to say that the co-founder does not care. There are a multitude of reasons why the co-founder could simultaneously care very deeply and be acting this way: - The co-founder is mistaken on matters of fact about the problems. - The co-founder is making a judgement call about maintaining product focus vs responding to customer requests...and making a mis-judgement - The co-founder lacks skill at listening to and interpreting feedback[1]. - The co-founder is overcorrecting from making an opposite error previously in life/career. - The co-founder is missing some other very important leadership skill. Point is, it is possible for people to fail very badly and obnoxiously at something that they care a great deal about. ---- On second read, I think you might be using the phrase "does not care" in a way that isn't making sense to mean. Could you expand on what it means for someone to think they care about something but to not actually care about it? [1] This is a skill. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/1611762510 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-W... is a good book on it.
      - staticautomatic 8y ago
        To your question about my use of "does not care": Consider a personal relationship. You can say you love someone. You can want to love them. You can even convince yourself that you do. But you may not, in fact, love that person, and your actions will bear the betrayal. What I'm talking about when I say "care" is caring about the business in and of itself. That's a very different thing than caring about what you get from the business. My interpretation of the OP is that the co-founder's behavior indicates that they care about what they get from the business but not the business itself. Someone who truly cares about the business itself doesn't act in ways that harm it unless they absolutely have to. Businesses are full of people at every level who profess to "care very deeply" but don't, or who genuinely care about things that are immaterial or even detrimental to the business's success. So when I say that people like that "don't care," I am not saying that they don't care about anything or that they have no feelings of caring. I am talking about the CEO who "cares deeply" but refuses to fire poisonous employees or make other difficult but necessary decisions, the dev who "cares" about his work but not enough to overcome procrastination, the HR people who "care deeply" about employees but actually fear them, the managers who "care" about their direct reports but treat them like shit, and so on.
- throwaway9934 8y ago
  If I had to make a guess he cares about what the business can do for his own status; in terms of recognition and validation more than money. Sometimes that's aligned with the interests of the business and sometimes not.
throwaway9934 8y ago
You are absolutely right about the anxiety and panic taking control. Writing my original post yesterday seems to have fulfilled the function of writing the unsent letter. Seeing all of these responses today has totally changed my outlook. I guess it's clarified my perspective a bit. We had a positive work related conversation for the first time in in a really long time today.
- cowpig 8y ago
  :)

by cowpig 8y ago

staticautomatic 8y ago

No. The co-founder doesn't care about the business. He thinks he cares. He may even want to care. But he doesn't. He cares about himself.

georgemcbay 8y ago
That's an amazing leap to make considering everything we know about the situation is coming from OP and thus is, by definition, one-sided and surely biased to some degree. I don't know who the OP is nor is it my intention to cast doubt on his or her view of the situation, but I find it incredible that anyone's immediate reaction upon reading this is so absolutely sure that the co-founder doesn't care about his own business.
- staticautomatic 8y ago
  It's not a leap at all. If what the OP is saying about the co-founder is true, then that's my take. People who act like the OP described are not acting in the best interest of the business. If what the OP said cannot be believed, even for the sake of argument, then there's no discussion to be had at all.
  - afarrell 8y ago
    > If what the OP said cannot be believed, even for the sake of argument, then there's no discussion to be had at all. Disagree. 1) One can read a text with an eye toward the ways in which the narrator might be misinterpreting the situation and can hold in ones' head the possibility of that misinterpretation...while also making suggestions for how to grapple with the problem that the writer presents. 2) Taking as given the way OP presents their problem, you are correct that the co-founder is not acting in the best interests of the business. However, it is an unjustified leap to say that the co-founder does not care. There are a multitude of reasons why the co-founder could simultaneously care very deeply and be acting this way: - The co-founder is mistaken on matters of fact about the problems. - The co-founder is making a judgement call about maintaining product focus vs responding to customer requests...and making a mis-judgement - The co-founder lacks skill at listening to and interpreting feedback[1]. - The co-founder is overcorrecting from making an opposite error previously in life/career. - The co-founder is missing some other very important leadership skill. Point is, it is possible for people to fail very badly and obnoxiously at something that they care a great deal about. ---- On second read, I think you might be using the phrase "does not care" in a way that isn't making sense to mean. Could you expand on what it means for someone to think they care about something but to not actually care about it? [1] This is a skill. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/1611762510 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-W... is a good book on it.
    - staticautomatic 8y ago
      To your question about my use of "does not care": Consider a personal relationship. You can say you love someone. You can want to love them. You can even convince yourself that you do. But you may not, in fact, love that person, and your actions will bear the betrayal. What I'm talking about when I say "care" is caring about the business in and of itself. That's a very different thing than caring about what you get from the business. My interpretation of the OP is that the co-founder's behavior indicates that they care about what they get from the business but not the business itself. Someone who truly cares about the business itself doesn't act in ways that harm it unless they absolutely have to. Businesses are full of people at every level who profess to "care very deeply" but don't, or who genuinely care about things that are immaterial or even detrimental to the business's success. So when I say that people like that "don't care," I am not saying that they don't care about anything or that they have no feelings of caring. I am talking about the CEO who "cares deeply" but refuses to fire poisonous employees or make other difficult but necessary decisions, the dev who "cares" about his work but not enough to overcome procrastination, the HR people who "care deeply" about employees but actually fear them, the managers who "care" about their direct reports but treat them like shit, and so on.
throwaway9934 8y ago
If I had to make a guess he cares about what the business can do for his own status; in terms of recognition and validation more than money. Sometimes that's aligned with the interests of the business and sometimes not.

throwaway9934 8y ago

You are absolutely right about the anxiety and panic taking control. Writing my original post yesterday seems to have fulfilled the function of writing the unsent letter. Seeing all of these responses today has totally changed my outlook. I guess it's clarified my perspective a bit. We had a positive work related conversation for the first time in in a really long time today.

cowpig 8y ago
:)