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I haven't read all the frames, but I do know about what the author is talking about in the first few frames. Usually, such attackers are very much extroverted a

by dofly 8y ago

I haven't read all the frames, but I do know about what the author is talking about in the first few frames. Usually, such attackers are very much extroverted and thrive on attention. The way I deal with them is to simply ignore them in every way. I make sure they realize I am avoiding them. Often wear facial expression of contempt around them. Etc. This behavior really gets to the core of such attackers, especially if they are female. After a while, they do change their attitude and demeanor, but you can't go back to being nice again just yet because these people will gladly relapse. They are roundly defeated when they start avoiding you. Just my experience.

draw_down 8y ago
I like to tell such people what they clearly want to hear, but in a pointedly unconvincing and undersold manner. It makes it clear you’re willing to pretend to play the game for purposes of expediency, but that it’s silly and not worth actually getting wrapped up in. You can’t let them see you sweat, though. It also gives you a chance to infantilize them in the guise of apologizing, “gee it’s so awful that your feelings got hurt by that bad demo”, etc. -- Edit: Developing my thoughts on this a bit further... Really, I think these slides as presented are "giving too much to the devil". If someone marches up to you and says "you're a bad programmer and make bad software", the situation is not an academic debate between two disinterested parties regarding the quality of your software. Rather, the situation is that there is a babyperson yelling at you, maybe because their wife is cheating on them, or their kid is flunking in school -- who knows why, but it isn't your problem. There are two goals in such a situation: 1) This person is unprofessionally emitting a bunch of anger toward you; either avoid it or redirect it back to them. Getting mad or upset = you lose. 2) Avoid buying into their frame. This person is trying to get you to buy into the form of the argument "my software is bad", but you have a choice in the matter, and you should choose not to accept that form. If you immediately start defending yourself in your head, "no my software is actually good, because...", or "you're saying that because you misunderstand xyz", you are buying into their frame. Don't do that. (Of course, if the quality of the software you make really is questionable, that's another matter entirely.)

by dofly 8y ago

draw_down 8y ago

I like to tell such people what they clearly want to hear, but in a pointedly unconvincing and undersold manner. It makes it clear you’re willing to pretend to play the game for purposes of expediency, but that it’s silly and not worth actually getting wrapped up in. You can’t let them see you sweat, though. It also gives you a chance to infantilize them in the guise of apologizing, “gee it’s so awful that your feelings got hurt by that bad demo”, etc. -- Edit: Developing my thoughts on this a bit further... Really, I think these slides as presented are "giving too much to the devil". If someone marches up to you and says "you're a bad programmer and make bad software", the situation is not an academic debate between two disinterested parties regarding the quality of your software. Rather, the situation is that there is a babyperson yelling at you, maybe because their wife is cheating on them, or their kid is flunking in school -- who knows why, but it isn't your problem. There are two goals in such a situation: 1) This person is unprofessionally emitting a bunch of anger toward you; either avoid it or redirect it back to them. Getting mad or upset = you lose. 2) Avoid buying into their frame. This person is trying to get you to buy into the form of the argument "my software is bad", but you have a choice in the matter, and you should choose not to accept that form. If you immediately start defending yourself in your head, "no my software is actually good, because...", or "you're saying that because you misunderstand xyz", you are buying into their frame. Don't do that. (Of course, if the quality of the software you make really is questionable, that's another matter entirely.)