4 ms·

I have an older close friend who, after a college reunion, said to me, “Some people stayed the same age they were when they graduated, some people stopped at 40

by cko 8y ago

I have an older close friend who, after a college reunion, said to me, “Some people stayed the same age they were when they graduated, some people stopped at 40, some people just kept growing.” I’m not 100% sure what he meant by that, but I find that every few months the way I see the world almost completely changes. I’m more accepting, calmer, less inclined to get into heated debates over opinions, when people exhibit “crazy” behavior I actually kind of understand where they’re coming from. I hope that’s growth, and I hope that never stops. But yeah, I’m 32 now, and I’m like damn some people are raising children at this age now. My uncle was in his early 30s when he adopted me and we fought a lot. Now I get it, because at this point in my life I feel like I couldn’t possibly raise a child with wisdom and assertiveness and patience.

iliaznk 8y ago
That's what they call wisdom, I think )
ataturk 8y ago
I can tell you exactly what it means because I have experienced the same phenomenon--some people just never grow up. The lead on my team is a 40 year old boy and he doesn't even realize it. He is married but has no kids so they go out drinking all the time. Maybe he's an alcoholic, I don't know. But the point is, maturity-wise, he's nowhere near my level and while I'm not the most mature person ever, I am a successful adult. And no, I don't think you have to have kids to become an adult, that isn't the thing. You do have to demonstrate that growth in wisdom and maturity, however. I'll tell you one other unsettling thing. The thing that keeps me awake at night: My career as a software developer is nearly over (I turn 45 this week). It's not that I can't do the work anymore, I can, it's that I've grown out of the work. I also badly just want to do something else with my life and my time. I'm ---><--- this close to figuring it out, but I don't have a completely workable plan yet. There is the small matter of future tuition payments and obnoxiously out-of-control US healthcare costs to somehow manage. I imagine downsizing before age 50, but I am trying to give my family the "good life" that I didn't really have growing up. The family I grew up in "got by." That is all we did. This family, my own family, is thriving. This is my ultimate success in life and yet it is all very fleeting.
mmsimanga 8y ago
Perhaps I can add my interpretation. In college, we did a great deal drinking and went to great lengths to find the coolest bar/pub night club. We graduated, got married, had kids and now spend our time fixing our homes. Most of us drink very little or in my case literally stopped drinking. Every once in a while a friend from college will pop into town and ask me to go drinking/partying/looking for the coolest pub. I always marvel at how some of my friends never changed. They still drink like we in college, which was a good 20 years ago in my case.
- mercer 8y ago
  While there are many factors that play a role in 'growing up', I do think you make a valuable point in highlighting drinking as a salient factor. Looking at my peers (early- to mid-thirties), drinking habits seem to correlate more than even 'big' things like marrying or having kids.
firmgently 8y ago
Some people develop their world-view up until their late teens/early twenties, then they spend the rest of their lives defending that world-view. Others adapt their views as they accumulate more information and experience. This leads to having to "change your mind" though, which can make the former type of person angry. If you keep changing how are they supposed to formulate ways to beat you in arguments?! Some people at around 40 go "I was such an idiot at 20! now I know exactly what's going on"... without realising that they'll probably look back in another 20 years and think the same (I say this as a 42 year old dunce). I see the fractal parent of this in larger society - always looking back at the past and mocking how foolish people were. Every generation was more stupid than the one that came after it, their theories more ridiculous - right up until us. Finally we have it all worked out. Phew!

by cko 8y ago

iliaznk 8y ago

That's what they call wisdom, I think )

ataturk 8y ago

I can tell you exactly what it means because I have experienced the same phenomenon--some people just never grow up. The lead on my team is a 40 year old boy and he doesn't even realize it. He is married but has no kids so they go out drinking all the time. Maybe he's an alcoholic, I don't know. But the point is, maturity-wise, he's nowhere near my level and while I'm not the most mature person ever, I am a successful adult. And no, I don't think you have to have kids to become an adult, that isn't the thing. You do have to demonstrate that growth in wisdom and maturity, however. I'll tell you one other unsettling thing. The thing that keeps me awake at night: My career as a software developer is nearly over (I turn 45 this week). It's not that I can't do the work anymore, I can, it's that I've grown out of the work. I also badly just want to do something else with my life and my time. I'm ---><--- this close to figuring it out, but I don't have a completely workable plan yet. There is the small matter of future tuition payments and obnoxiously out-of-control US healthcare costs to somehow manage. I imagine downsizing before age 50, but I am trying to give my family the "good life" that I didn't really have growing up. The family I grew up in "got by." That is all we did. This family, my own family, is thriving. This is my ultimate success in life and yet it is all very fleeting.

mmsimanga 8y ago

Perhaps I can add my interpretation. In college, we did a great deal drinking and went to great lengths to find the coolest bar/pub night club. We graduated, got married, had kids and now spend our time fixing our homes. Most of us drink very little or in my case literally stopped drinking. Every once in a while a friend from college will pop into town and ask me to go drinking/partying/looking for the coolest pub. I always marvel at how some of my friends never changed. They still drink like we in college, which was a good 20 years ago in my case.

mercer 8y ago
While there are many factors that play a role in 'growing up', I do think you make a valuable point in highlighting drinking as a salient factor. Looking at my peers (early- to mid-thirties), drinking habits seem to correlate more than even 'big' things like marrying or having kids.

firmgently 8y ago

Some people develop their world-view up until their late teens/early twenties, then they spend the rest of their lives defending that world-view. Others adapt their views as they accumulate more information and experience. This leads to having to "change your mind" though, which can make the former type of person angry. If you keep changing how are they supposed to formulate ways to beat you in arguments?! Some people at around 40 go "I was such an idiot at 20! now I know exactly what's going on"... without realising that they'll probably look back in another 20 years and think the same (I say this as a 42 year old dunce). I see the fractal parent of this in larger society - always looking back at the past and mocking how foolish people were. Every generation was more stupid than the one that came after it, their theories more ridiculous - right up until us. Finally we have it all worked out. Phew!