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> I find myself thinking about attics that will need > clearing, paperwork that will need organising, distant > family that must be contacted, and all at a ti

> I find myself thinking about attics that will need > clearing, paperwork that will need organising, distant > family that must be contacted, and all at a time that I > will want to curl up in a ball. > I question if I can do that competently. Well. I had that ball thrown to me some three years ago, when my father passed away. Although he was not quite well some time before that I didn't expect that to happen, as the doctors expressed a much positiver outlook. So it came quite as a (bad and sad) surprise. Having to organise that from some 450 miles afar was hard as well. I was lucky to have a significant other that supported me and researched everything there is to do in the first few days, while I was taking the train back home. Also I was lucky to have an employer that enabled me to take some days of on such a short notice. Non the less - the process (including selling the home I grew up in) took time. Was stressful and hard at times. But also the returning memories while clearing out my father's home were (as sad as they were) something I am greatful for. There was one moment I remember as if it just had happened. On Christmas Eve, when the festivities began and my former self got called to sit below the tree and unwrap my presents, the call was made with a small silver bell attached to a small wooden stick. The sound of it totally forgotten in my mind. When we were cleaning out the house my significant other's mum, helping did ring the bell. I instantly got transported back to my childhood by that sound and instantly welled up. It was such a sad moment and at the same time filled with joyful memories. There were lots of such moments. Sad but cherished non the less. I still miss him dearly every day of my life. Especially when I want to share something I did or achieved. These moments still are hard on me.

Jach 9y ago
I had a very similar situation, almost 4 years ago, with my mom. A scare about a week earlier, with not so great health the year before, but doctors were optimistic, then another scare that led to a phone call of "it's time to put her in hospice care". Had just started a new job too and could start bringing in the bucks to let my mom quit her dead-end job. Fortunately I got some time off and could fly out, ~800 miles for me. I'm still glad one of my uncles is a lawyer, he was able to help me with a checklist of items to take care of and could file certain things for me. My brother (and other extended family) being local out there was also very helpful, and the fact we didn't have any disagreements over what to do with the estate. Somehow with everyone's help I took care of just about everything except the house within a week and I could go back home/to work. About three weeks later I went back to my mom's house, driving this time with my truck, to get a big load of stuff to take back with me. It still took a long time after to sell the house. Definitely put the idea of a remote home owner / landlord out of my head for the foreseeable future... The guy at the morgue let me know he (and I suppose others in his line of work) will help people through the process of creating a will and so on. I'd parrot his recommendation that people should put their affairs in order long before they expect anything to happen, it just makes everything much smoother, especially if there are any familial disagreements.
- mercer 9y ago
  As someone approach mid-thirties I just want to thank all of you for your stories. I find myself thinking of these things, but it's still very tentative. They'll probably become reality before I feel I'm ready for it, and all this helps.
  - sdoering 8y ago
    I love my dad unconditionally. To this day. One thing he did still is so over the top imho. He had everything. I mean everything prepared. There was a folder at his work desk at home that had in it: * His Obituary already prepared - I just needed to fill in the date of his passing away. * All noted what I needed to tell the funeral parlor * All noted for the minister (down to every song he wished) * A personal note, that he loves me and will kiss me, when we meet again on the other side (right now even thinking about that makes my eyes water) * All necessary for the bank to transfer ownership/control of his funds * Some other stuff already organized I just needed to contact the relevant people and already had a playbook of what to do. I was able to get all done and had time to grief.
    - mercer 8y ago
      That does sound a bit over the top, but from what I understand really helpful in the end. I don't think my father would go quite this far, but if he'd read your comment he would probably do likewise. FWIW I'm still at a point in life where death is just an occasional, fleeting thought, but now I'm thinking that going 'over the top' like your father might be worth doing. If I were to die unexpectedly I'd very much like my family to have access to all my files (I encrypt the shit out of everything), to know things I never told them, and to be able to grieve without having to worry too much about the 'practical' matters. Thanks a ton for your comment (assuming I interpreted it right)!
      - sdoering 8y ago
        Well. About 3 years prior my dad had to organise his mothers burial while he was massively grieving. So remembering that he did not want me to go through the hassle while grieving. So he prepared. And as he always prepared over the top - he had a tendency to be more then perfect in such things. A little OCD. ;-) Even if he was so not OCD in nearly every other aspect. So yes - it was over the top. But it was so unbelievable helpful. [Edit]: > Thanks a ton for your comment (assuming I interpreted it > right)! Yes you did.
meko 8y ago
Lost both of my parents within a short timespan and underwent the same process when cleaning out their house. Now I'm sitting here saddened by the thought I may never encounter those memories again.

Jach 9y ago

I had a very similar situation, almost 4 years ago, with my mom. A scare about a week earlier, with not so great health the year before, but doctors were optimistic, then another scare that led to a phone call of "it's time to put her in hospice care". Had just started a new job too and could start bringing in the bucks to let my mom quit her dead-end job. Fortunately I got some time off and could fly out, ~800 miles for me. I'm still glad one of my uncles is a lawyer, he was able to help me with a checklist of items to take care of and could file certain things for me. My brother (and other extended family) being local out there was also very helpful, and the fact we didn't have any disagreements over what to do with the estate. Somehow with everyone's help I took care of just about everything except the house within a week and I could go back home/to work. About three weeks later I went back to my mom's house, driving this time with my truck, to get a big load of stuff to take back with me. It still took a long time after to sell the house. Definitely put the idea of a remote home owner / landlord out of my head for the foreseeable future... The guy at the morgue let me know he (and I suppose others in his line of work) will help people through the process of creating a will and so on. I'd parrot his recommendation that people should put their affairs in order long before they expect anything to happen, it just makes everything much smoother, especially if there are any familial disagreements.

mercer 9y ago
As someone approach mid-thirties I just want to thank all of you for your stories. I find myself thinking of these things, but it's still very tentative. They'll probably become reality before I feel I'm ready for it, and all this helps.
- sdoering 8y ago
  I love my dad unconditionally. To this day. One thing he did still is so over the top imho. He had everything. I mean everything prepared. There was a folder at his work desk at home that had in it: * His Obituary already prepared - I just needed to fill in the date of his passing away. * All noted what I needed to tell the funeral parlor * All noted for the minister (down to every song he wished) * A personal note, that he loves me and will kiss me, when we meet again on the other side (right now even thinking about that makes my eyes water) * All necessary for the bank to transfer ownership/control of his funds * Some other stuff already organized I just needed to contact the relevant people and already had a playbook of what to do. I was able to get all done and had time to grief.
  - mercer 8y ago
    That does sound a bit over the top, but from what I understand really helpful in the end. I don't think my father would go quite this far, but if he'd read your comment he would probably do likewise. FWIW I'm still at a point in life where death is just an occasional, fleeting thought, but now I'm thinking that going 'over the top' like your father might be worth doing. If I were to die unexpectedly I'd very much like my family to have access to all my files (I encrypt the shit out of everything), to know things I never told them, and to be able to grieve without having to worry too much about the 'practical' matters. Thanks a ton for your comment (assuming I interpreted it right)!
    - sdoering 8y ago
      Well. About 3 years prior my dad had to organise his mothers burial while he was massively grieving. So remembering that he did not want me to go through the hassle while grieving. So he prepared. And as he always prepared over the top - he had a tendency to be more then perfect in such things. A little OCD. ;-) Even if he was so not OCD in nearly every other aspect. So yes - it was over the top. But it was so unbelievable helpful. [Edit]: > Thanks a ton for your comment (assuming I interpreted it > right)! Yes you did.

meko 8y ago

Lost both of my parents within a short timespan and underwent the same process when cleaning out their house. Now I'm sitting here saddened by the thought I may never encounter those memories again.