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On the other hand I have found it immensely useful to form a habit of refusing to respond to accusations, demands and threats immediately. Instead I (try to) li

On the other hand I have found it immensely useful to form a habit of refusing to respond to accusations, demands and threats immediately. Instead I (try to) listen, maybe even ask some questions, retreat and then respond. This did not develop intuitively like mastery of computer UIs – it required retrospecting on certain situations many times over and promising myself on how I will act in similar situation in future.

dvdkhlng 8y ago
This sounds like (one component of) non-violent communication [1]. I myself found that reading about NVC quite enriched my perception of interaction with people. It provided me with some more concepts and framework to understand what is happening while also giving me more options for responding. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
- BeetleB 8y ago
  I highly encourage the book it is based on. It is gold: https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525705854&sr=8-2&keywords=nonviolent+communication https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Lif... It is one of those compact books that are quite effective. Other books are a bit heavy and you almost feel like you have to memorize flow charts. This book is fairly formulaic, but with easy to remember formulas. A lot of the book may seem a little too soft/touchy, but fortunately when I read it I was reading other books that go into the details of the psychology behind communications (which this one doesn't), and there is a lot to back up the advice in the book. Mind you, if this isn't your default style of communication, it will take a lot of practice (and perhaps years) to get there. I think for me it was about a year of trying before my first successful use of it in a hostile conversation. It's hard to stick to trying something if you don't see signs of success inside of a year.

dvdkhlng 8y ago

This sounds like (one component of) non-violent communication [1]. I myself found that reading about NVC quite enriched my perception of interaction with people. It provided me with some more concepts and framework to understand what is happening while also giving me more options for responding. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

BeetleB 8y ago
I highly encourage the book it is based on. It is gold: https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525705854&sr=8-2&keywords=nonviolent+communication https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Lif... It is one of those compact books that are quite effective. Other books are a bit heavy and you almost feel like you have to memorize flow charts. This book is fairly formulaic, but with easy to remember formulas. A lot of the book may seem a little too soft/touchy, but fortunately when I read it I was reading other books that go into the details of the psychology behind communications (which this one doesn't), and there is a lot to back up the advice in the book. Mind you, if this isn't your default style of communication, it will take a lot of practice (and perhaps years) to get there. I think for me it was about a year of trying before my first successful use of it in a hostile conversation. It's hard to stick to trying something if you don't see signs of success inside of a year.