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It's not accurate -- or at least, not necessarily. I live in "urban California" (East Bay), and at this moment (7:40p on a Sunday evening), my five-year-old dau

It's not accurate -- or at least, not necessarily. I live in "urban California" (East Bay), and at this moment (7:40p on a Sunday evening), my five-year-old daughter is out front on the stoop with one of our five-year-old neighbors, who wandered over to show her a new toy motorcycle he got. My ten-year-old is out to an impromptu dinner with a friend of his and their family. My thirteen-year-old is at a nearby park skateboarding and/or playing pickup ultimate with some friends. The five-year-old will come in shortly; the ten-year-old will be home later; I expect the thirteen-year-old home sometime around sundown. I planned none of this -- none of it was scheduled. Moreover, none of this is an attempt to educate them in any conventional way, and the only data driving is that freedom and unstructured time help build important qualities like independence and resilience. As with so many things, there are many microclimates of parenting and child-rearing; if you value unstructured time for your kids and building their independence, you can likely find a community that shares those values.

harlanji 8y ago
Beautiful, sounds like my life in S. Minneapolis in 1985-2005ish. My friends who still call it home are having kids recently and they’re pretty free-range organic like this too. I’ve been thinking about forgoing a fam because of how things seem in my SF life for the last years (NoPa to Outmost Sunset). I like Oakland when I visit, like First Fridays, vibe is more relaxed. Thanks for sharing.
adrianratnapala 8y ago
> you can likely find a community that shares those values. So did you look for such a community yourself, or did it just happen? Either way, do you have any tips that maxsilver and others can use to find or create a good "microclimate"?
- bcantrill 8y ago
  Yes, we absolutely sought out a community that shared our values; it didn't just happen. And it wasn't easy or quick; it took us a while to identify a community, and then a while more to find a house here (with our objective to find a house before our oldest entered kindergarten). In terms of tips: spend spare time trying a community on for size; go to its parks, walk its streets, talk to its inhabitants, meet its neighborhood groups. And importantly, figure out where you're willing to compromise. (For example, if walkability is important to you (and it is to us), you will almost certainly be compromising on lot size and house size: walkable neighborhoods usually have high density, which likely means smaller dwellings more tightly packed.) None of this is easy, but finding a community that matches your values (or at least isn't inconsistent with them) is worth the effort: it's one of the most important decisions you'll make in your adult life, and merits special time and attention.

harlanji 8y ago

Beautiful, sounds like my life in S. Minneapolis in 1985-2005ish. My friends who still call it home are having kids recently and they’re pretty free-range organic like this too. I’ve been thinking about forgoing a fam because of how things seem in my SF life for the last years (NoPa to Outmost Sunset). I like Oakland when I visit, like First Fridays, vibe is more relaxed. Thanks for sharing.

adrianratnapala 8y ago

> you can likely find a community that shares those values. So did you look for such a community yourself, or did it just happen? Either way, do you have any tips that maxsilver and others can use to find or create a good "microclimate"?

bcantrill 8y ago
Yes, we absolutely sought out a community that shared our values; it didn't just happen. And it wasn't easy or quick; it took us a while to identify a community, and then a while more to find a house here (with our objective to find a house before our oldest entered kindergarten). In terms of tips: spend spare time trying a community on for size; go to its parks, walk its streets, talk to its inhabitants, meet its neighborhood groups. And importantly, figure out where you're willing to compromise. (For example, if walkability is important to you (and it is to us), you will almost certainly be compromising on lot size and house size: walkable neighborhoods usually have high density, which likely means smaller dwellings more tightly packed.) None of this is easy, but finding a community that matches your values (or at least isn't inconsistent with them) is worth the effort: it's one of the most important decisions you'll make in your adult life, and merits special time and attention.