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I'm 33, and this hits pretty hard. Ever since I graduated college, I've watched my circle of friends dwindle over the years, as all of us have busy lives and d

I'm 33, and this hits pretty hard. Ever since I graduated college, I've watched my circle of friends dwindle over the years, as all of us have busy lives and don't have much room for socialization, especially not when factoring in each other's schedules. I stopped talking to one of the few close friends I had left after he married an extremist tradcon and started posting a constant stream of hate. It's really disheartening to watch a guy who used to be one of the most compassionate people I know post memes with slurs in them (including slurs against a group I'm part of), videos by Neo-Nazis, rants about how Jimmy Kimmel's done deserves to die, etc. He went from being like a brother to me to being someone I never want to talk to again. And even before he completely jumped down the alt-right rabbit hole, as soon as he started dating her, I would never see him without her ever again. It was draining inviting him to hang out places and him always bringing his then-girlfriend who I hated with him every single time. Even when I went to buy him expensive scotch at a bar to congratulate him on his engagement (because even though I hate her guts, I was still happy for him that he found someone), she decided to tag along (seriously, that was supposed to be a private moment between me and him)... I really regret wasting that money on scotch for both of them given what he's turned into. In the last month, I have set foot of my house to socialize exactly once, and that was for a friend's birthday party... so that's not going to happen again for another year. Facebook has been a godsend, because it's basically the only way I talk to most people anymore. Through Facebook, I can stay in touch with a bunch of people who I wouldn't have the opportunity to see in real life. I have a ton of friends I get along with really well but for various reasons none of us are able to get together in real life, so Facebook it is. It doesn't help that I have no interest in getting married or having children. In fact, the idea of either sickens me. So as everybody else is pairing off to get married or spending 99% of their free time taking care of kids, I'm stuck by myself. I just wish I had more single (and preferably asexual) friends to hang with. I actively hate being in my 30s. I wish I was in college again, because I really miss the vibrant social life I had back then.

deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
exit 8y ago
> I wish I was in college again, because I really miss the vibrant social life I had back then. i've found it much easier to maintain a "vibrant social life" in a city. do you live in the suburbs, or somewhere even less densely populated?
- amyjess 8y ago
  I live in the suburbs, and I strongly prefer it here. Cities are cramped, noisy, dirty, and crime-riddled. I love having lots of space, and I'd honestly rather kill myself than live in an apartment ever again. And the last time I even _worked_ in the city (2014), I was subject to constant street harassment by homeless people begging for money and getting angry when I didn't pay them, and I was terrified I was going to get raped and killed some day. If not having a vibrant social life is the price I pay for living in a place that doesn't make me want to kill myself, then I'll go ahead and pay that price. I miss having a vibrant social life, but I'd take not having one over not living in the burbs.
  - exit 8y ago
    > Cities are cramped, noisy, dirty, and crime-riddled. okay, the disconnect here may be that i live in europe, and you live in ...i'd guess north america? > It doesn't help that I have no interest in getting married or having children. In fact, the idea of either sickens me. So as everybody else is pairing off to get married or spending 99% of their free time taking care of kids, I'm stuck by myself. I just wish I had more single (and preferably asexual) friends to hang with. suburbs are indeed optimised for numerous things you're not up for; this is a difficult problem to solve. > If not having a vibrant social life is the price I pay for living in a place that doesn't make me want to kill myself, then I'll go ahead and pay that price. things can eat away at you quietly. not having a vibrant social life may not confrontationally make you want to kill yourself, the way the other serious issues you've mentioned do, but it can erode moral and have cascading negative effects on your mental health. we aren't all built the same though, so ymmv.
vorhuts 8y ago
Hey @amyjess! I'm only 23 but I am very much the same as you. All my friends have gone a traditional route so finding new friends outside university is harder. I've made a few friends from work but politics are starting to threaten 2 of these. I too live in a small town/suburb but never have tried living in a city so I will need to try that! I think I am demisexual personally so I'd totally be your friend! I found some friends by taking up brazilian jiu jitsu and that has proven really useful. Find a topic you truly love and I think friendships will sprout up. Keep killing it!

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

exit 8y ago

> I wish I was in college again, because I really miss the vibrant social life I had back then. i've found it much easier to maintain a "vibrant social life" in a city. do you live in the suburbs, or somewhere even less densely populated?

amyjess 8y ago
I live in the suburbs, and I strongly prefer it here. Cities are cramped, noisy, dirty, and crime-riddled. I love having lots of space, and I'd honestly rather kill myself than live in an apartment ever again. And the last time I even _worked_ in the city (2014), I was subject to constant street harassment by homeless people begging for money and getting angry when I didn't pay them, and I was terrified I was going to get raped and killed some day. If not having a vibrant social life is the price I pay for living in a place that doesn't make me want to kill myself, then I'll go ahead and pay that price. I miss having a vibrant social life, but I'd take not having one over not living in the burbs.
- exit 8y ago
  > Cities are cramped, noisy, dirty, and crime-riddled. okay, the disconnect here may be that i live in europe, and you live in ...i'd guess north america? > It doesn't help that I have no interest in getting married or having children. In fact, the idea of either sickens me. So as everybody else is pairing off to get married or spending 99% of their free time taking care of kids, I'm stuck by myself. I just wish I had more single (and preferably asexual) friends to hang with. suburbs are indeed optimised for numerous things you're not up for; this is a difficult problem to solve. > If not having a vibrant social life is the price I pay for living in a place that doesn't make me want to kill myself, then I'll go ahead and pay that price. things can eat away at you quietly. not having a vibrant social life may not confrontationally make you want to kill yourself, the way the other serious issues you've mentioned do, but it can erode moral and have cascading negative effects on your mental health. we aren't all built the same though, so ymmv.

vorhuts 8y ago

Hey @amyjess! I'm only 23 but I am very much the same as you. All my friends have gone a traditional route so finding new friends outside university is harder. I've made a few friends from work but politics are starting to threaten 2 of these. I too live in a small town/suburb but never have tried living in a city so I will need to try that! I think I am demisexual personally so I'd totally be your friend! I found some friends by taking up brazilian jiu jitsu and that has proven really useful. Find a topic you truly love and I think friendships will sprout up. Keep killing it!