4 ms·

As someone who's in the same boat (Late twenties. Moved to a country where I don't know anyone. "Discovered" that most people already have friends, and they don

by simsla 8y ago

As someone who's in the same boat (Late twenties. Moved to a country where I don't know anyone. "Discovered" that most people already have friends, and they don't materialise spontaneously as they used to at uni.), your comment resonates with me. What do you think is required to bond at these things? I've done a couple of after-work activities in an attempt to socialise, but I haven't struck gold yet. (At cooking class, people seem more interested in catching their train, than socialising afterwards.) It's occurred to me that any out of hours activity just has far less social exposure than what I'm used to. For example, at school you'd sit next to someone for 8 hours a day. To get the same kind of exposure from a weekly 1 or 2-hour class would take 1 or two months! I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about which aspects helped bridge this in your case. A deep, shared interest in Esperanto? Luck? Nothing in particular?

annywhey 8y ago
The advice that's stuck in my head for building up a social group is: Schedule an event of your own choosing. Advertise it when you go to other events. Something that is easy to get to, undemanding, and not costly or highly exclusive(e.g. board game night, Wednesday night coffee at Starbucks). Let people you meet and want to be friends with know about it. Hold the event. Nobody shows up the first time - that's fine. And some crowds will never be receptive but you can't tell them what's good for them. Just keep holding it regularly on a strict schedule and letting folks know and eventually your circle appears. Then you can repeat this process, if you want, to filter the group down. It can swing quickly between empty and full calendar since time is actually relatively scarce.
- baby 8y ago
  ^ this. People always appreciate when you invite them, and then they might decide to invite you to other stuff later (even if they don't show up to your thing). A decade ago, I used to organize "volleyball" afternoons. I hate volleyball, but I would just do it and invite anyone I could. Made a lot of friends like this :) 5 year later (and earlier) I would organize drinks every Wednesday along the docks of Bordeaux during the summer and I would invite all the people I could. What started as a few people became dozens and dozens of people.

by simsla 8y ago

annywhey 8y ago

The advice that's stuck in my head for building up a social group is: Schedule an event of your own choosing. Advertise it when you go to other events. Something that is easy to get to, undemanding, and not costly or highly exclusive(e.g. board game night, Wednesday night coffee at Starbucks). Let people you meet and want to be friends with know about it. Hold the event. Nobody shows up the first time - that's fine. And some crowds will never be receptive but you can't tell them what's good for them. Just keep holding it regularly on a strict schedule and letting folks know and eventually your circle appears. Then you can repeat this process, if you want, to filter the group down. It can swing quickly between empty and full calendar since time is actually relatively scarce.

baby 8y ago
^ this. People always appreciate when you invite them, and then they might decide to invite you to other stuff later (even if they don't show up to your thing). A decade ago, I used to organize "volleyball" afternoons. I hate volleyball, but I would just do it and invite anyone I could. Made a lot of friends like this :) 5 year later (and earlier) I would organize drinks every Wednesday along the docks of Bordeaux during the summer and I would invite all the people I could. What started as a few people became dozens and dozens of people.