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> nearly 50 percent of respondents reporting that they feel alone or left out Self-centeredness runs high these days. Us young people want the world to cater t

> nearly 50 percent of respondents reporting that they feel alone or left out Self-centeredness runs high these days. Us young people want the world to cater to us. However, two self-centered people don't get along that great. If I want to make friends, then I have to choose to actively put time and energy into someone else; sometimes without getting much back. The most lonely I've ever been (or ever seen someone else), is when I am totally self-focused - spending all my time on my plans and situation and looking for ways people can fit into those plans. This isn't the only problem, but it's certainly a player.

toomuchtodo 9y ago
I'm not sure why you're downvoted, this is most definitely contributing towards the problem, along with a (perceived?) lack of tolerance to other people's values and beliefs. Somewhere we diverged from "live and let live" and "meet the other person half way" to "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" at scale. "Social Selfishness" or "The Peacock Effect", and it seems social networks galvanize attitudes in this direction. Unsolicited advice: Delete your Facebook and Twitter, leave your phone in your pocket or your car, and enjoy the company of others over a meal or shared activity. Listen more than you speak. Give the benefit of the doubt. Be present in the moment. Be mindful about your emotions when your beliefs or values conflict with those of others. Make the effort to stay in touch with those you love and/or care about (phone or email works, postcards are fun). Empathize.
- psyc 9y ago
  2/3 of Twitter appears to have no other purpose than to continually identify minor differences of opinion and perceived grievances, and then invite all your followers to castigate the offender.
  - aantix 9y ago
    I can't upvote this enough. The Social Justice Warrior scene seems more concerned about embarrassing anyone that disagrees, posting passive/aggressive meme gifs, and receiving likes/retweets than solving any real issue.
dominotw 9y ago
Why is this downvoted :\ Happiest times in my life have been times when I actively tried to help other people without expecting anything back(other than good feelings).
supernovae 9y ago
Young kids are full of themselves, that's for sure. Being a selfish little prick is what teenagedom is about. Usually though, it should fade out and people generally become more socially aware and conscious of their surroundings. However, I'm seeing quite the opposite. I'm 40+ years old and I'm astounded at how many assholes there are of big babies who overcompensate for everything by being a big prick. At least teenagers have an excuse, but what we define as "Adult" these days escape me. I'd say us middle age are more to blame for the loneliness perpetuating our obsession with things, work, and lifestyles... none of which have done ANYTHING to bring humanity closer together... Look at the Xbox for example. I have people who hate me because I play games on the xbox. Why? Look at phones, People will assume your identity and personality on whether you own an iPhone or an Android and which expensive model you can buy. Look at cars - your car describes how manly you are. No one buys a Jeep to go explore the country anymore, they buy a Jeep to show how manly they are and to go instagram pictures of places they have been and how much money they dumped in their vehicle that could have gone where they are stock from the factory. Feeling alone or left out, stop giving a shit what phone people own, what consoles they play, what OS they run, what movies they like, what politics they adhere to and start giving more shits about how YOU feel and how YOU convey yourself to the world and how YOU should be a better member of society.
- jm__87 9y ago
  I went through a period of time where I had a hard time making friends and I think it mostly had to do with my own attitude. Partly it was me not being friendly enough (too tired, not feeling great myself) to others and partly it was me not giving other people enough of a chance (assuming they were jerks/morons at the outset instead of the more likely situation that they have their own stuff going on, or maybe they assumed I would be a jerk before talking to me so I have to show them I'm not). I imagine people just don't have as much time/energy as they get older and become a bit more cynical, both of which would be impediments to making new friends.
  - supernovae 9y ago
    Being default jerk/cynical is a shame - and I'm not sure how we got here as things have gotten better - just seems we hold on to the worst rather than focus on the best. I'll admit, I'm cynical when it comes politics now so I write off people I know I'd normally have no problem with and it's a damn shame we've come to this as a society. I think its a symptom of us not tackling real issues and working on the real human condition... It's about "my taxes" "my money" "my freedom"... we have lower taxes, more freedom and more money than ever before and yet it's not good enough. So we don't solve health insurance, housing, population, education or anything that can be a real benefit to humans not being lonely and we focus entirely on what makes us lonely - "me me me... money money money"
TimJYoung 9y ago
If you didn't nail the "why", you certainly came about as close as one can get. From my personal experience, I think that we may be missing the "social clubs" from past decades. There's something to being a new person to a club or group that forces people to stop thinking of themselves as special/unique and defer to the group dynamic, and I think this is (in most cases) a healthy process. I've played ice hockey with the same group of guys/gals for ~15 years, and when a person joins our group, you can tell almost immediately if they're going to last: if they keep their mouth shut on the ice and let their playing do the talking, but off the ice they are sociable and have interesting things to add to the conversation, then they will be a long-term member. If they, instead, start whining about this or that on the ice or don't want to join in some of the off-ice socializing, they typically aren't going to last very long.

toomuchtodo 9y ago

I'm not sure why you're downvoted, this is most definitely contributing towards the problem, along with a (perceived?) lack of tolerance to other people's values and beliefs. Somewhere we diverged from "live and let live" and "meet the other person half way" to "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" at scale. "Social Selfishness" or "The Peacock Effect", and it seems social networks galvanize attitudes in this direction. Unsolicited advice: Delete your Facebook and Twitter, leave your phone in your pocket or your car, and enjoy the company of others over a meal or shared activity. Listen more than you speak. Give the benefit of the doubt. Be present in the moment. Be mindful about your emotions when your beliefs or values conflict with those of others. Make the effort to stay in touch with those you love and/or care about (phone or email works, postcards are fun). Empathize.

psyc 9y ago
2/3 of Twitter appears to have no other purpose than to continually identify minor differences of opinion and perceived grievances, and then invite all your followers to castigate the offender.
- aantix 9y ago
  I can't upvote this enough. The Social Justice Warrior scene seems more concerned about embarrassing anyone that disagrees, posting passive/aggressive meme gifs, and receiving likes/retweets than solving any real issue.

dominotw 9y ago

Why is this downvoted :\ Happiest times in my life have been times when I actively tried to help other people without expecting anything back(other than good feelings).

supernovae 9y ago

Young kids are full of themselves, that's for sure. Being a selfish little prick is what teenagedom is about. Usually though, it should fade out and people generally become more socially aware and conscious of their surroundings. However, I'm seeing quite the opposite. I'm 40+ years old and I'm astounded at how many assholes there are of big babies who overcompensate for everything by being a big prick. At least teenagers have an excuse, but what we define as "Adult" these days escape me. I'd say us middle age are more to blame for the loneliness perpetuating our obsession with things, work, and lifestyles... none of which have done ANYTHING to bring humanity closer together... Look at the Xbox for example. I have people who hate me because I play games on the xbox. Why? Look at phones, People will assume your identity and personality on whether you own an iPhone or an Android and which expensive model you can buy. Look at cars - your car describes how manly you are. No one buys a Jeep to go explore the country anymore, they buy a Jeep to show how manly they are and to go instagram pictures of places they have been and how much money they dumped in their vehicle that could have gone where they are stock from the factory. Feeling alone or left out, stop giving a shit what phone people own, what consoles they play, what OS they run, what movies they like, what politics they adhere to and start giving more shits about how YOU feel and how YOU convey yourself to the world and how YOU should be a better member of society.

jm__87 9y ago
I went through a period of time where I had a hard time making friends and I think it mostly had to do with my own attitude. Partly it was me not being friendly enough (too tired, not feeling great myself) to others and partly it was me not giving other people enough of a chance (assuming they were jerks/morons at the outset instead of the more likely situation that they have their own stuff going on, or maybe they assumed I would be a jerk before talking to me so I have to show them I'm not). I imagine people just don't have as much time/energy as they get older and become a bit more cynical, both of which would be impediments to making new friends.
- supernovae 9y ago
  Being default jerk/cynical is a shame - and I'm not sure how we got here as things have gotten better - just seems we hold on to the worst rather than focus on the best. I'll admit, I'm cynical when it comes politics now so I write off people I know I'd normally have no problem with and it's a damn shame we've come to this as a society. I think its a symptom of us not tackling real issues and working on the real human condition... It's about "my taxes" "my money" "my freedom"... we have lower taxes, more freedom and more money than ever before and yet it's not good enough. So we don't solve health insurance, housing, population, education or anything that can be a real benefit to humans not being lonely and we focus entirely on what makes us lonely - "me me me... money money money"

TimJYoung 9y ago

If you didn't nail the "why", you certainly came about as close as one can get. From my personal experience, I think that we may be missing the "social clubs" from past decades. There's something to being a new person to a club or group that forces people to stop thinking of themselves as special/unique and defer to the group dynamic, and I think this is (in most cases) a healthy process. I've played ice hockey with the same group of guys/gals for ~15 years, and when a person joins our group, you can tell almost immediately if they're going to last: if they keep their mouth shut on the ice and let their playing do the talking, but off the ice they are sociable and have interesting things to add to the conversation, then they will be a long-term member. If they, instead, start whining about this or that on the ice or don't want to join in some of the off-ice socializing, they typically aren't going to last very long.