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It's never okay to be an asshole. End of story. But you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life. If every time you encounter an a

It's never okay to be an asshole. End of story. But you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life. If every time you encounter an asshole, you break down and cry and can't go on with your day, the only one that suffers is you, not the asshole. Also, fearing hurting someone's feelings becomes the lowest common denominator, and leads to everyone walking on eggshells. Case in point, a fresh grad had her code reviewed by the team, and it was completely professional and non-judgemental. She burst into tears at her desk because she had never gone through this and took the criticism personally. Were we too harsh, or was she too sensitive? If people burst into tears because of professional code reviews, do we lower the bar as a team to account for her sensitivity, or does she raise her bar and thicken her skin? And who determines what that line is?

ubernostrum 8y ago
you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life Which is the same as "I'm not going to do anything about this asshole, because there'll always be assholes". Given that approach on your part, one wonders what it really was that caused the "too sensitive" new member of your team to react. (hint: your new team member wasn't "too sensitive", you've probably just been tolerating assholes on your team -- because "what can you do?" -- for so long you've forgotten what assholes they are)
- pfarnsworth 8y ago
  No it's not the same. And hint, the reviews were perfectly fine and professional.
ryanobjc 8y ago
False dichotomy: either you have shit code or you coddle the feelings of your junior dev, which you helpfully outed as female for no reason. There is a way to have high standards, not be an asshole, and not "coddle" people. As they say, it's not what you say, but how you say it. This usually comes up with new employees because they haven't learned that one senior dev on your team "has a heart of gold" even if they are a super-asshole in text. "Everyone knows he just cares so much about the code." Already heard it. Don't forget there's a long history of men talking down to women and using what seems like neutral language, but subtext that implies that she's incompetent, doesn't deserve the job, slept her way to the top, etc, etc. Clearly though, you've decided that the problem is her. Hopefully she found a more supportive team elsewhere.

ubernostrum 8y ago

you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life Which is the same as "I'm not going to do anything about this asshole, because there'll always be assholes". Given that approach on your part, one wonders what it really was that caused the "too sensitive" new member of your team to react. (hint: your new team member wasn't "too sensitive", you've probably just been tolerating assholes on your team -- because "what can you do?" -- for so long you've forgotten what assholes they are)

pfarnsworth 8y ago
No it's not the same. And hint, the reviews were perfectly fine and professional.

ryanobjc 8y ago

False dichotomy: either you have shit code or you coddle the feelings of your junior dev, which you helpfully outed as female for no reason. There is a way to have high standards, not be an asshole, and not "coddle" people. As they say, it's not what you say, but how you say it. This usually comes up with new employees because they haven't learned that one senior dev on your team "has a heart of gold" even if they are a super-asshole in text. "Everyone knows he just cares so much about the code." Already heard it. Don't forget there's a long history of men talking down to women and using what seems like neutral language, but subtext that implies that she's incompetent, doesn't deserve the job, slept her way to the top, etc, etc. Clearly though, you've decided that the problem is her. Hopefully she found a more supportive team elsewhere.