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One other thing the code reviewee needs to do is develop a thick skin. Reviewers never be assholes, because it's unproductive and makes your coworkers not want

One other thing the code reviewee needs to do is develop a thick skin. Reviewers never be assholes, because it's unproductive and makes your coworkers not want to work with you. But reviewees should also learn how to take criticism well, and develop the thick skin to shrug off when the reviewer actually is being an asshole. You can't go through life never expecting to encounter an asshole or someone who likes to bully people. Better to know how to shrug off shitty behavior rather than become obsessed with how your feelings were hurt.

ubernostrum 8y ago
"Grow a thicker skin" is, usually, identical to "let's just let people be assholes to you and say it's your fault if you complain about it". So here's a thought: if you see someone being an asshole, and you're thinking about blaming anyone other than the asshole, don't. Instead, work on making it untenable to be an asshole.
- pfarnsworth 8y ago
  It's never okay to be an asshole. End of story. But you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life. If every time you encounter an asshole, you break down and cry and can't go on with your day, the only one that suffers is you, not the asshole. Also, fearing hurting someone's feelings becomes the lowest common denominator, and leads to everyone walking on eggshells. Case in point, a fresh grad had her code reviewed by the team, and it was completely professional and non-judgemental. She burst into tears at her desk because she had never gone through this and took the criticism personally. Were we too harsh, or was she too sensitive? If people burst into tears because of professional code reviews, do we lower the bar as a team to account for her sensitivity, or does she raise her bar and thicken her skin? And who determines what that line is?
  - ubernostrum 8y ago
    you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life Which is the same as "I'm not going to do anything about this asshole, because there'll always be assholes". Given that approach on your part, one wonders what it really was that caused the "too sensitive" new member of your team to react. (hint: your new team member wasn't "too sensitive", you've probably just been tolerating assholes on your team -- because "what can you do?" -- for so long you've forgotten what assholes they are)
    - pfarnsworth 8y ago
      No it's not the same. And hint, the reviews were perfectly fine and professional.
  - ryanobjc 8y ago
    False dichotomy: either you have shit code or you coddle the feelings of your junior dev, which you helpfully outed as female for no reason. There is a way to have high standards, not be an asshole, and not "coddle" people. As they say, it's not what you say, but how you say it. This usually comes up with new employees because they haven't learned that one senior dev on your team "has a heart of gold" even if they are a super-asshole in text. "Everyone knows he just cares so much about the code." Already heard it. Don't forget there's a long history of men talking down to women and using what seems like neutral language, but subtext that implies that she's incompetent, doesn't deserve the job, slept her way to the top, etc, etc. Clearly though, you've decided that the problem is her. Hopefully she found a more supportive team elsewhere.
- ben_w 8y ago
  Yes, but. The default state of most people is that any criticism is a painful insult. I deliberately try to accept and learn from criticism, and have been told I take criticism unusually well. This pleases me. That doesn’t mean I accept assholes. I used to accept them, but I learned to rid myself of them at the same time I learned to accept valid criticism. Unfortunately I don’t know how to reliably give feedback that others find easy to accept. I wish to do better.

ubernostrum 8y ago

"Grow a thicker skin" is, usually, identical to "let's just let people be assholes to you and say it's your fault if you complain about it". So here's a thought: if you see someone being an asshole, and you're thinking about blaming anyone other than the asshole, don't. Instead, work on making it untenable to be an asshole.

pfarnsworth 8y ago
It's never okay to be an asshole. End of story. But you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life. If every time you encounter an asshole, you break down and cry and can't go on with your day, the only one that suffers is you, not the asshole. Also, fearing hurting someone's feelings becomes the lowest common denominator, and leads to everyone walking on eggshells. Case in point, a fresh grad had her code reviewed by the team, and it was completely professional and non-judgemental. She burst into tears at her desk because she had never gone through this and took the criticism personally. Were we too harsh, or was she too sensitive? If people burst into tears because of professional code reviews, do we lower the bar as a team to account for her sensitivity, or does she raise her bar and thicken her skin? And who determines what that line is?
- ubernostrum 8y ago
  you will also encounter hundreds of assholes in every aspect of your life Which is the same as "I'm not going to do anything about this asshole, because there'll always be assholes". Given that approach on your part, one wonders what it really was that caused the "too sensitive" new member of your team to react. (hint: your new team member wasn't "too sensitive", you've probably just been tolerating assholes on your team -- because "what can you do?" -- for so long you've forgotten what assholes they are)
  - pfarnsworth 8y ago
    No it's not the same. And hint, the reviews were perfectly fine and professional.
- ryanobjc 8y ago
  False dichotomy: either you have shit code or you coddle the feelings of your junior dev, which you helpfully outed as female for no reason. There is a way to have high standards, not be an asshole, and not "coddle" people. As they say, it's not what you say, but how you say it. This usually comes up with new employees because they haven't learned that one senior dev on your team "has a heart of gold" even if they are a super-asshole in text. "Everyone knows he just cares so much about the code." Already heard it. Don't forget there's a long history of men talking down to women and using what seems like neutral language, but subtext that implies that she's incompetent, doesn't deserve the job, slept her way to the top, etc, etc. Clearly though, you've decided that the problem is her. Hopefully she found a more supportive team elsewhere.
ben_w 8y ago
Yes, but. The default state of most people is that any criticism is a painful insult. I deliberately try to accept and learn from criticism, and have been told I take criticism unusually well. This pleases me. That doesn’t mean I accept assholes. I used to accept them, but I learned to rid myself of them at the same time I learned to accept valid criticism. Unfortunately I don’t know how to reliably give feedback that others find easy to accept. I wish to do better.