5 ms·

> Men shotgun and women pick and choose. The problem is that that is a vicious cycle. The more men shotgun the more women have to be picky. So nobody answers a

> Men shotgun and women pick and choose. The problem is that that is a vicious cycle. The more men shotgun the more women have to be picky. So nobody answers and man have to write to even more women... Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work. There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky and men for being desperate. Maybe publicly show the ratio of received/sent messages, or so?

heartbreak 9y ago
> There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky I don’t want to misinterpret you, so is this what you meant to write?
- Double_a_92 9y ago
  Yes, but that's why punish is in " ". There's an obvious imbalance in pickyness between the genders. So counter-weight that somehow. It should encourage being picky for men, and discourage it for women.
  - eigenstuff 9y ago
    As a woman, what if I know what I want, it's hard to find in my area, and I have to dig through a lot of noise to find it? Should I then just right swipe on a bunch of dudes I'm not interested in, leading them on and wasting everybody's time, just so I can keep using the app? This is absurd.
    - Double_a_92 9y ago
      Yeah you're right... We can't really make people not picky. So we have to limit something for men, because it's easier to become picky. What if you could sort people by the ratio of messages to answers? E.g. as a man you would show up more easily in results if you don't shotgun. And as a woman you will stay more hidden if your postbox is already overflowing. However I strongly assume that most women on those site just are picky. Looking for something they can't find in real life... So the system is just broken anyway, at least for "normal" men.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
magduf 9y ago
>Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work. Tinder has a bit of a mechanism for this: you can only right-swipe on 100 people per day (as an unpaid user). That helps limit the "shotgun" approach to an extent, though it's probably not enough. I tried the shotgun approach for a very short time once on Tinder. I stopped soon after because I got so many matches from women that I just wasn't interested in or attracted to, and I felt really bad about popping up as a match for them, and then disappearing suddenly, which I've seen women complain about. (Plus I ran into that 100-person limit.) So I only right-swipe for women I have some interest in now.

heartbreak 9y ago

> There should be a system that "punishes" women for being picky I don’t want to misinterpret you, so is this what you meant to write?

Double_a_92 9y ago
Yes, but that's why punish is in " ". There's an obvious imbalance in pickyness between the genders. So counter-weight that somehow. It should encourage being picky for men, and discourage it for women.
- eigenstuff 9y ago
  As a woman, what if I know what I want, it's hard to find in my area, and I have to dig through a lot of noise to find it? Should I then just right swipe on a bunch of dudes I'm not interested in, leading them on and wasting everybody's time, just so I can keep using the app? This is absurd.
  - Double_a_92 9y ago
    Yeah you're right... We can't really make people not picky. So we have to limit something for men, because it's easier to become picky. What if you could sort people by the ratio of messages to answers? E.g. as a man you would show up more easily in results if you don't shotgun. And as a woman you will stay more hidden if your postbox is already overflowing. However I strongly assume that most women on those site just are picky. Looking for something they can't find in real life... So the system is just broken anyway, at least for "normal" men.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

magduf 9y ago

>Usually this get's "fixed" by limiting the amount of messages men can send. But that doesn't really work. Tinder has a bit of a mechanism for this: you can only right-swipe on 100 people per day (as an unpaid user). That helps limit the "shotgun" approach to an extent, though it's probably not enough. I tried the shotgun approach for a very short time once on Tinder. I stopped soon after because I got so many matches from women that I just wasn't interested in or attracted to, and I felt really bad about popping up as a match for them, and then disappearing suddenly, which I've seen women complain about. (Plus I ran into that 100-person limit.) So I only right-swipe for women I have some interest in now.