4 ms·

Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportiv

by Puer 8y ago

Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportive.

slx26 8y ago
I think that should have been more discussed in the article. What is empathy? I'd say empathy involves understanding ("I know how you feel"), and I would call what you talk about "compassion" or goodwill/being supportive/caring for someone ("I can't say I know how it's like to be in your situation, but I can see you are suffering and I'll be there for you")
slavik81 8y ago
You state a position, but don't present any argument to support it. You seem to contradict the dictionary definition[1], so what are you basing your definition on? Why is that a better definition and how does that relate to the research in this article? [1] "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another"
- Puer 8y ago
  I don't agree with the notion that you need to "understand" to be empathetic. If a friend tells me that they're going through a rough time I feel like it's disingenuous for me to tell them that I understand their situation, even if I myself have been through difficult periods. I can't and don't feel like I should give the impression I can understand the nuance of their situation. I've found it's much more productive to be supportive in situations like that by saying things like, "I know I can't understand fully what you're going through right now, but that sounds really hard and if I can help in any way please let me know" versus "Yeah, I understand what you're dealing with." If empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes and that's the understood general definition... I don't think it's genuine to say that, "Yes, in these few seconds/minutes/hours since you've told me your problem I have gone through the effort of visualizing life from your perspective and I now understand all of your issues." Even if "I understand" is communicated with good intentions I feel like it rarely looks to productive discussion.
  - projektir 8y ago
    Well, empathy is a word with a definition, not a directive as to what is helpful to do. Empathy is the ability to replay another person's state in your mind so that you can understand it. It's not directly connected to what you do with that information, though. You can just as much use empathy to manipulate someone since it lets you model mental states well. In your particular example, if what you say is true, having empathy would mean understanding that the person probably wouldn't care for you to tell them that you understand. :P
  - khedoros1 8y ago
    Well, right, you might not immediately understand and identify with someone else's problem. That is, you won't empathize with them. But you could say that you sympathize with them, if their pain causes you to feel pain as well (or joy, or...whatever). Or their situation may cause you to feel compassionate, if their suffering makes you want to help. I think that there are already words that name the feelings you're talking about. "Empathy" has a generally-accepted meaning. You can disagree with it if you'd like...but it will hinder communication to use words in ways that they aren't commonly used.
  - fyi1183 8y ago
    You may be thinking of compassion or sympathy rather than empathy.
the_jeremy 8y ago
I believe that is closer to the definition of "sympathy".
Mononokay 8y ago
That's sympathy. You're thinking of sympathy. Not empathy.
- JiminHsieh 8y ago
  There is a picture from Psychology Today. I think it explained the difference between sympathy and empathy clearly. > "Sympathy: I care about your suffering." > "Empathy: I feel your suffering." The difference is empathy means knowing the other side's feeling but doesn't mean concerning the other side's feeling. https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/us/sites/default/files/styles/image-article_inline_full_caption/public/field_blog_entry_images/inforgraphic.png https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/us/sites/default/files/style...
nabla9 8y ago
sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them. source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empat...

by Puer 8y ago

Empathy isn't the ability to say "I understand." Empathy is admitting that, sometimes, you don't understand, but you'll still try and be appropriately supportive.

slx26 8y ago

I think that should have been more discussed in the article. What is empathy? I'd say empathy involves understanding ("I know how you feel"), and I would call what you talk about "compassion" or goodwill/being supportive/caring for someone ("I can't say I know how it's like to be in your situation, but I can see you are suffering and I'll be there for you")

slavik81 8y ago

You state a position, but don't present any argument to support it. You seem to contradict the dictionary definition[1], so what are you basing your definition on? Why is that a better definition and how does that relate to the research in this article? [1] "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another"

Puer 8y ago
I don't agree with the notion that you need to "understand" to be empathetic. If a friend tells me that they're going through a rough time I feel like it's disingenuous for me to tell them that I understand their situation, even if I myself have been through difficult periods. I can't and don't feel like I should give the impression I can understand the nuance of their situation. I've found it's much more productive to be supportive in situations like that by saying things like, "I know I can't understand fully what you're going through right now, but that sounds really hard and if I can help in any way please let me know" versus "Yeah, I understand what you're dealing with." If empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes and that's the understood general definition... I don't think it's genuine to say that, "Yes, in these few seconds/minutes/hours since you've told me your problem I have gone through the effort of visualizing life from your perspective and I now understand all of your issues." Even if "I understand" is communicated with good intentions I feel like it rarely looks to productive discussion.
- projektir 8y ago
  Well, empathy is a word with a definition, not a directive as to what is helpful to do. Empathy is the ability to replay another person's state in your mind so that you can understand it. It's not directly connected to what you do with that information, though. You can just as much use empathy to manipulate someone since it lets you model mental states well. In your particular example, if what you say is true, having empathy would mean understanding that the person probably wouldn't care for you to tell them that you understand. :P
- khedoros1 8y ago
  Well, right, you might not immediately understand and identify with someone else's problem. That is, you won't empathize with them. But you could say that you sympathize with them, if their pain causes you to feel pain as well (or joy, or...whatever). Or their situation may cause you to feel compassionate, if their suffering makes you want to help. I think that there are already words that name the feelings you're talking about. "Empathy" has a generally-accepted meaning. You can disagree with it if you'd like...but it will hinder communication to use words in ways that they aren't commonly used.
- fyi1183 8y ago
  You may be thinking of compassion or sympathy rather than empathy.

the_jeremy 8y ago

I believe that is closer to the definition of "sympathy".

Mononokay 8y ago

That's sympathy. You're thinking of sympathy. Not empathy.

JiminHsieh 8y ago
There is a picture from Psychology Today. I think it explained the difference between sympathy and empathy clearly. > "Sympathy: I care about your suffering." > "Empathy: I feel your suffering." The difference is empathy means knowing the other side's feeling but doesn't mean concerning the other side's feeling. https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/us/sites/default/files/styles/image-article_inline_full_caption/public/field_blog_entry_images/inforgraphic.png https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/us/sites/default/files/style...

nabla9 8y ago

sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them. source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empat...