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It's astonishing to me that people seem so determined to finger-wag at someone who is clearly in great difficulty and distress, and yet has conducted themselves
by tomhoward 9y ago
It's astonishing to me that people seem so determined to finger-wag at someone who is clearly in great difficulty and distress, and yet has conducted themselves perfectly within the IRS's stated requirements.
For what it's worth, I know what it's like to be in in a chronic state of desperation trying to figure out how to overcome a debilitating illness for which mainstream medicine offers little help, while simultaneously trying to generate sufficient income to survive day-to-day.
I can assure you that doing your taxes are not a high priority when you're not sure how you're going to pay for food or rent the next month/week/day.
But even still that's beside the point. Michelle has sought to play by the IRS's rules and work within their systems, and that should be the end of the discussion.
Please give it a rest.
By the way, I'm very familiar with the concept of the victim mentality and, speaking for myself only, I'm well aware of the ways in which it kept me in a state of poor health and poverty. But to hound somebody for having a victim mentality when they're clearly in a profound state of distress and doing the best they can to play by what they can understand are society's expectations of them, is nothing more than cruel bullying.
- cwkoss 9y agoGeez, I was trying to help. Get off your high horse. You may think shielding her histrionic behavior from criticism is helpful, but I'd argue its harmfully reinforcing it. I worry for the kids who are exposed to this mentality daily and whether there is any munchausen by proxy occurring.
- tomhoward 9y agoI'm sympathetic to the merits of tough love; I've often been the most willing to step forward and impart it. But I've spent enough time in the company of people in desperate need that I know when it can do more harm than good. I can accept that you were trying to help, but if I might direct some tough love at you, the best of intentions can lead to very bad outcomes if they're not accompanied by a sincere effort to understand the entire circumstances of the person you're trying to help.
- DoreenMichele 9y agoI will note that my very first comment was an incredibly prosaic "Ugh, taxes!" remark. Had multiple people not piled on to tell me I was not justified in being stressed out about the IRS outage occurring on the final filing day, a day when 5 million Americans file from what I gather, and I just need to be more responsible, etc, there would have been no so called histrionics. The HN guidelines indicate personal attacks are out of line. Most of my "bad behavior" on HN occurs after being attacked, often repeatedly and by multiple people. I do what I can to figure out how to handle such things better, but those attacks should not be occurring to begin with. If they stopped, it would be vastly easier for me to maintain my composure and not get bent out of shape.