6 ms·

Maybe because of age (I'm 35) or culture (I'm in Asian country), but I don't get it. To get laid, you need to go through the process of dating: Ask her out, lot

Maybe because of age (I'm 35) or culture (I'm in Asian country), but I don't get it. To get laid, you need to go through the process of dating: Ask her out, lots of "bullshit" (a matter on perspective), spend time and money, and if you're lucky, you'll get laid. Maybe what she meant is "in serious relationship"?

tclancy 9y ago
Perhaps what she is suggesting is the exact opposite of what you're describing: trying to actually, intentionally speak to another person without it being the prelude to something (sex, social media post about "Look at the fun we're having", etc). When we see each other as inputs to a transaction, something has been lost. There should be joy from interpersonal contact.
- sp332 9y ago
  Yeah but if it's not a setup for something more (a relationship or whatever) then I wouldn't call it a date.
PeterisP 9y ago
No, the article is quite explicit about there being a significant population who are getting laid but have never ever been on a first date with a (relative) stranger before that. "hookup culture has become so dominant on college campuses"; what you said used to be true but now is not. It's plausible that some couple might start with a hookup and get laid, and only later start going on dates as they form a serious relationship.
- HeyLaughingBoy 9y ago
  That last sentence pretty much describes what happened with me and the woman I married.
dqpb 9y ago
All that "bullshit" she puts you through is probably her way of trying to figure out if you're someone she could have a relationship with or just another dickhead trying to get laid.
- commandlinefan 9y ago
  > or just another dickhead trying to get laid. Or just somebody who's really good at lying about it.
- xstartup 9y ago
  Some guys end up putting their everything (money, reputation, efforts and huge time) and still don't get anything meaningful out of it.
  - pmoriarty 9y ago
    "Some guys end up putting their everything (money, reputation, efforts and huge time) and still don't get anything meaningful out of it." Relationships are not a one-way street or a vending machine. You can't expect to just pump in a bunch of time and money and for the product to automatically come popping out. There has to be some chemistry between the two of you... the other person has to actually like you. That takes more than effort, money or time. It takes developing a genuine connection, which in turn usually requires an emotional investment, an opening up to the other person, having shared values, a shared view of the world, perhaps even a sense of humor that the other person finds funny, and so on. Unless, of course, you're just looking to get laid.. in which case a sex worker might be a better use of your money.
    - xstartup 9y ago
      "There has to be some chemistry between the two of you... the other person has to actually like you. That takes more than effort, money or time." Every woman I pursued ended up costing me $1M. There was all chemistry at the start but soon it disappeared. Disappearing love is correlated money transfer from me to them. I've stopped looking for any love. I've accepted does not exist in real world.
praha14 9y ago
It’s vastly different in Western countries. I’ve hooked up with girls from Tinder and have brought girls from parties or bars, but have never been on a date. Most people I (a 22 year old) know are the same way.
khedoros1 9y ago
The point of the dating described in the article wasn't for the students to get laid, or to spend a lot of time or money. The point was to get them to show some backbone by asking someone out in person, spend maybe $10 on the date, and to have it last perhaps 90 minutes. She was making the point that in current US culture, among college-age people, it's more common to ask someone out impersonally (e.g. via text message, Tinder, etc), and for the purpose of the "date" to be sex. It's less effort to do that than to make a real connection with someone else.
HeyLaughingBoy 9y ago
I don't know what it's like in your country, but in my experience, if you just want to get laid, say so up front. It's surprisingly effective and either way, the honesty tends to be appreciated.

tclancy 9y ago

Perhaps what she is suggesting is the exact opposite of what you're describing: trying to actually, intentionally speak to another person without it being the prelude to something (sex, social media post about "Look at the fun we're having", etc). When we see each other as inputs to a transaction, something has been lost. There should be joy from interpersonal contact.

sp332 9y ago
Yeah but if it's not a setup for something more (a relationship or whatever) then I wouldn't call it a date.

PeterisP 9y ago

No, the article is quite explicit about there being a significant population who are getting laid but have never ever been on a first date with a (relative) stranger before that. "hookup culture has become so dominant on college campuses"; what you said used to be true but now is not. It's plausible that some couple might start with a hookup and get laid, and only later start going on dates as they form a serious relationship.

HeyLaughingBoy 9y ago
That last sentence pretty much describes what happened with me and the woman I married.

dqpb 9y ago

All that "bullshit" she puts you through is probably her way of trying to figure out if you're someone she could have a relationship with or just another dickhead trying to get laid.

commandlinefan 9y ago
> or just another dickhead trying to get laid. Or just somebody who's really good at lying about it.
xstartup 9y ago
Some guys end up putting their everything (money, reputation, efforts and huge time) and still don't get anything meaningful out of it.
- pmoriarty 9y ago
  "Some guys end up putting their everything (money, reputation, efforts and huge time) and still don't get anything meaningful out of it." Relationships are not a one-way street or a vending machine. You can't expect to just pump in a bunch of time and money and for the product to automatically come popping out. There has to be some chemistry between the two of you... the other person has to actually like you. That takes more than effort, money or time. It takes developing a genuine connection, which in turn usually requires an emotional investment, an opening up to the other person, having shared values, a shared view of the world, perhaps even a sense of humor that the other person finds funny, and so on. Unless, of course, you're just looking to get laid.. in which case a sex worker might be a better use of your money.
  - xstartup 9y ago
    "There has to be some chemistry between the two of you... the other person has to actually like you. That takes more than effort, money or time." Every woman I pursued ended up costing me $1M. There was all chemistry at the start but soon it disappeared. Disappearing love is correlated money transfer from me to them. I've stopped looking for any love. I've accepted does not exist in real world.

praha14 9y ago

It’s vastly different in Western countries. I’ve hooked up with girls from Tinder and have brought girls from parties or bars, but have never been on a date. Most people I (a 22 year old) know are the same way.

khedoros1 9y ago

The point of the dating described in the article wasn't for the students to get laid, or to spend a lot of time or money. The point was to get them to show some backbone by asking someone out in person, spend maybe $10 on the date, and to have it last perhaps 90 minutes. She was making the point that in current US culture, among college-age people, it's more common to ask someone out impersonally (e.g. via text message, Tinder, etc), and for the purpose of the "date" to be sex. It's less effort to do that than to make a real connection with someone else.

HeyLaughingBoy 9y ago

I don't know what it's like in your country, but in my experience, if you just want to get laid, say so up front. It's surprisingly effective and either way, the honesty tends to be appreciated.